Oh dear.

Jun. 30th, 2017 02:34 am
insaneladybug: (z)
I still haven't bought a new bag. Money's been tight and the red purse has been holding everything I need right now aside from the full-size notebook (and aside from any purchases I might make; I love that the messenger bags hold most purchases that I make so I don't have to carry shopping bags around). And ... I'm still in love with the Chibiusa drawstring bag. It's so impractical to think of getting that one, since I assume it only has the one compartment, and it's so frustrating. It's so happy and cute and it says what I want to say right now better than any of the other bags I've looked at. Dang it, I want it.

I have considered getting it to use as a purchase-holding bag. Or as a bag to take my Ghostbusters board game in when I walk to my friend's house (although I have a tote for that). I just ... really don't need this bag. And it costs most than the messenger bag. How do I make myself not want it....

And I watched Phantom of the Sewers the other day and decided I wanted to do a Five Nights at Freddy's-type fic with the Turtles characters. The episode gave me a perfect set-up for it! I had a rocky start getting it going, but that may have been partially because I wanted to write something squeeful that I also had an idea for. So I wrote a blurb that will go into a future fic. Once I got that out of my system, and figured out exactly how I wanted to work the Freddy's fic, I managed to get the Freddy's fic to flow. First draft is almost done now, aside from the epilogue stuff (and whatever I add in proofreads).

In preparing for the fic, I re-read the Freddy's parody I did with Ginger and Lou. I also ended up reading a couple of other short stories with them. I am honestly still pretty proud of all those fics. And I still think that I wrote them pretty accurately, if they ever were to reform. Ginger is such a wild card. And it was fun sometimes, being opinionated on topics through him that I probably wouldn't dare to be opinionated on as myself. Heh. Someday maybe I can write the rest of that second 100Songs set I was working through. I think I was close to being halfway done with it.

And random thought of the day: I don't think Baxter and Barney in my verse would be able to stand watching The Lion King, for obvious reasons. I think the brother problems would upset them too much, both because Barney was never as horrible as Scar and also because he would still be able to relate to some of Scar's bitterness and anger.

I have several songs that remind me of one or the other or both. I'm considering making a section on my website to list them all. Some were found by ThickerThanLove and some were found by me. I love them. And I've been practicing trying to sing some of them in-character. I already have recordings of a couple of them on my Sta.sh. They're sad ones, though, as they're sung by Baxter in fly form post-Revenge of the Fly, when he's lost Z and the fly has mostly completely eclipsed his humanity.

It's funny that I've been having the most difficult time doing voices for Baxter/Barney and for the Turtles. April/Irma/Vernon and Shredder/Krang/Z are pretty easy for me. But I think I've hit on the best voices I can for Baxter and Barney, so I may try recording some new clips and songs soon. Barney's voice is slightly higher pitched, as that seems to be the case in canon. (Although I imagine that he and Baxter can sound exactly like each other, if they choose.)
insaneladybug: (Default)
So there's been some contention at the Pony forum again. This one person still tends to only say anything positive on Rainbow Dash episodes. They're silent on most others, but I think any time they've said something about an episode featuring someone else, they say how awful it is. (Except possibly one time, and that surprised me.) It's like Rainbow Dash is the only reason they watch. I can understand only watching a show for a favorite character, but putting down any episode without them seriously makes me roll my eyes. I've never been able to decide whether they're a troll or whether they're just obsessed with Rainbow Dash. They seem to think she can do no wrong. Although it does seem like once they acknowledged that she didn't always make the best decisions, but it certainly made the episodes interesting.

Well, the other day I was reading the discussion post for a Rainbow Dash episode that aired a few weeks ago. The person posted, of course, and this time got mad saying that Rainbow Dash is so unfairly hated on the forum while Starlight Glimmer is so praised. Actually, there's other people who like Rainbow and hate Starlight, but that did get me pondering, because I too would usually rather watch a Starlight episode than a Rainbow one. However, I won't just blindly dismiss any Rainbow episode as bad just because I don't like her. It just ends up that most of them ... really aren't very good. (And that may be how the other person honestly feels about the episodes that don't focus on her.) But there have been exceptions and I've liked her better in said exceptions.

Of course, there's absolutely no argument that what Starlight did was infinitely worse than anything Rainbow did. But I think for me and maybe others, the problem stems back to something I tried to explain before, that when a character is inherently a "good guy", i.e., has never been a bad guy, I tend to hold them to a higher standard. Naturally I don't want a perfect character who never does anything wrong, but if one sees the flaws more than the good side, I tend to get very irritated and not like the character. That's often the case with Rainbow Dash. She's so full of herself and rude and can be so selfish that it's often the driving force behind her episodes. She has improved somewhat, but depending on the writing, sometimes she backslides even worse.

Then with Starlight Glimmer, she was a bad guy who has been trying to reform. And I'm a sucker for repenting bad guys. I love seeing her journey and how she's trying to be good. I tend to be a little more forgiving of some stumbling (within reason) with a character who has already walked a dark path, because they're trying to turn their life around and naturally it won't happen overnight. Starlight is not a supreme favorite character like Sunset Shimmer is, but she is a similar character in the fact of being a repentant bad guy under Twilight's tutelage. I am still a little skeptical of having her reform, honestly, after what a disturbing and obsessed villain she was, but since I love showing a bad guy character's journey to changing their life, I was willing to give her a chance and I do basically like how they've handled her as good.

Now, is it right to have this distinction? I don't know. But at least they're both female characters this time, heh. For me personally, Rainbow Dash tends to tick me off way more than the reformed Starlight Glimmer, except on certain occasions. I definitely didn't like when Starlight used the spell on Twilight's friends when she was panicked about not being able to get everything done that she was supposed to. And if she did stuff like that a lot, I'd probably like her less than Rainbow Dash. But she really is trying and seems to learn from her mistakes, instead of constantly repeating them like Rainbow Dash does.

Conversely, there were some people who actually liked that Starlight used the spell in that episode, and I believe their reasoning was that they liked that she wasn't completely good. Maybe things like that were what made the Rainbow Dash fan mad. The only thing I really liked about that episode was that she learned she screwed up big time. And she hasn't repeated any such mind-controlling antics since, to my memory.

In the end, if Rainbow Dash really fully abandoned her obnoxious behavior and could be more humble, I'd probably enjoy her journey as well. But since she keeps reverting back, it makes it very difficult for me. I also find it hard to fully connect with the 87 Donatello because he's rather arrogant, unlike other Donatellos. (Also because I'm not used to so many Donatello inventions failing, heh.) At least with Donatello, though, his arrogance isn't constantly in your face like it usually is with Rainbow Dash.

Then there's the issue that, well, 87 Baxter and Barney both believe themselves to be pretty awesome scientists and yet I like them. Baxter I felt deserved redemption after his life turned upsidedown, and then I wanted to redeem Barney after I wrote him into the position I did. But here's the thing with them: we don't even see much of them in canon, and not much at all of Baxter when he's stable and trying to be good. Even after he becomes more unstable and goes with Shredder, he only makes a comment now and then about his genius. As with Donatello, it's not constantly in your face. Then he says it a lot more after Shredder abuses him one time too many and he snaps and leaves, but that was in one episode and Shredder really had been treating him rotten. We don't really see much of what he'd be like had things not gone so downhill for him. Suppose he had been redeemed and was an ally, but there were many episodes focused on him being arrogant and he never seemed to learn much of anything from it. I think that would miff me a lot. I don't tend to focus much on his arrogance in my stories; mostly he's been humbled. And with Barney, as I fleshed him out it seemed that a lot of his arrogance was a mask; he hates himself.

With any fandom, I usually end up writing one or two characters with some traits that I have, when I feel they fit the characters. (Either that or I'll latch onto a character with some traits that I have. Or both.) I am both Baxter and Barney, albeit I think Barney has more of my traits than Baxter does. Luckily I've never hated anyone the way he started out hating Baxter, but I know other aspects of that anger, that frustration. I know what it's like to be so upset by someone's stupidity that you're mad at them because you love them and you don't want them hurt. I know what it's like to be blunt, to say things that probably shouldn't be said. I know what it's like to have an extreme self-hatred because of things you've done wrong. Of course, nothing I did compares to what Barney did, but I've hated myself for anything I've done that's hurt someone. I struggled with it for years before I could finally start forgiving myself, and sometimes I can still get upset. I know what it's like to abhor feeling vulnerable and to not want it. Not to cry in front of anyone (and often not when alone, either, although I've certainly worn down on that in recent years). To be so shaken by something that the only thing I can say is something not directly about the scene. To try not to show I'm shaken or feel bad and probably succeed.

But I am also shy. I have been a doormat. I often take things until I just can't anymore. I can be gentle and quiet and do stupid things.

I am both of them.
insaneladybug: (barneystockman)
There's a Sailor Moon bag I really like, but it costs $25. I really didn't want to pay that much if I could avoid it. I also discovered a couple of adorable drawstring bags. I especially love the Chibiusa one. It's so happy and cute and tempting. But I imagine a drawstring bag only has one compartment. As much as I'd like the Chibiusa one, I need to be practical. And I would really function better with multiple compartments. I also saw a Turtles drawstring bag, but I'm pretty sure I saw that one in person at Wal-Mart and thought it seemed flimsy. It's mesh-like.

Then, as much as I said I didn't want a backpack, I found a couple of adorable My Little Pony ones with multiple compartments. They're very tempting, but I'm wondering if I could fit into them. They're probably the biggest child backpacks, so I might be able to fit into them. I can wear boys' shirts in the XL size. But girls' shirts in the XL size are usually impossible, ugh. So I don't know about a girls' backpack. Of course, in a month back to school stuff will start showing up around here since kids return to school in August, and I could try a backpack on in person then, but I wanted a solution found before then. (Since I was hoping to save money for the Scottish Festival, though, I really might not have found a solution by then.)

I knew I really wanted a messenger bag the most, so I went back to looking at those for Hello Kitty. There's some of those that are fairly low-priced. Of course, some of them are also too small, so I have to be careful to check all sizes in the product descriptions. I really like one on Amazon, but the seller has only 92% positive feedback. The number is calculated based on performance in the past year. He has 96% overall, but 92% in the past year seems scary. I don't like to dip lower than 97% positive. Then there's a design I didn't like as much as that one but still considered because it's only $10. Dad apparently signed himself up for a free trial of Prime and then forgot to cancel it before they charged him. **headdesk.** So if he hasn't canceled it yet, I could hurry and get that bag through his account. It's a shiny bag, though, so I wonder if it would be too flashy to have in places like church. In the pictures, Hello Kitty's picture keeps catching the light and shining like a piece of foil.

At least the story has been flowing. The ones I write that focus mostly on Baxter, Barney, and/or Vincent are the ones I take the most joy in, in general, and they write themselves very quickly for the most part. But I think I need to split a scene where Baxter and the crook are talking and then the people the crook wants to cheat show up, as that scene ends up with the climax stuff and I think I should really have another night before that happens. On the other hand, though, if Baxter has a whole night to stew about this undercover assignment and what he's found out about the people's identities and the fact that the crook plans to kidnap the girl if he can't get her uncle to sell him the religious relic, it may not have the same impact when I get to that scene. As it is, Baxter is panicked because he's just learned of those plans and then the people show up, and I kind of like the effect of him having to act immediately with no prior plan in mind. So maybe if I want another night, I should instead write a new daytime scene at an earlier point and then a nighttime scene, and then this current scene should stay the way it is, just taking place a day later. Or maybe I'll decide that I don't need more after all. I'd better proofread the whole thing and then decide.

I've also been pondering for some time on what my favorite 87 Turtles episodes are, like the actual Top 10 list. I mostly like ones that are light and funny and make me smile, and that somehow capture the innocent cheese of the 80's/early 90's. That always makes me feel nostalgic.

- I've listed Super Bebop and Mighty Rocksteady as my most favorite for a while. It's just so hysterical. I even showed it to Mom and she thought it was priceless too. The one thing I don't like is that the Channel 6 crew is mostly a joke as they are forced to be the victims of the malfunctioning mind-control device, but the episode makes me laugh so much that I tend to forgive that. I think what I enjoy the most is seeing Shredder utterly baffled by all the weirdness.

- I also keep thinking that any favorites list would have to include Take Me to Your Leader, because it was the first episode I saw outside of the Cowabunga Classics compilation and it remains one of the best examples of how utterly ridiculous and fun the show could be at the same time.

- Cowabunga Shredhead must be included. Shredder getting made fun of is always a scream, and hearing James Avery imitate Michelangelo as Shredder believes he's really the Turtle never gets old. I have been thinking that Michelangelo seems OOC at the beginning of that episode, though, as while even though he's nuts about pizza and might like to take it all, he doesn't deprive the other Turtles of all the pizza in any other episode. He's always pretty willing to share, really. He seems to love sharing his crazy pizza varieties with the others. I guess it's possible that he just got carried away and didn't even realize he'd eaten it all until he was done, though. And that could explain hiding guiltily in the cupboard.

- Curse of the Evil Eye would make the list, I'm pretty sure, and probably also The Mean Machines. One features Baxter finally rebelling against Shredder's abuse, while the other features probably the most screentime for him as a human.

- I would probably include The Mutagen Monster, because it's another great example of the show being so fun and silly. And they fix the problem instead of the poor cows having to stay a monster, so that's certainly a plus.

- I love the two Howie episodes, and I think they'd make the top 20 if not the top 10. So much fun with all the ridiculous song parodies, and then I love haunted theatre storylines!

- I debate whether episodes like Raphael Knocks 'Em Dead and Son of Return of the Fly II would make the list. The former is a blast and we meet Barney, and Barney's appearance would be what could push the episode to the top 10, but I'm thinking more it might make a top 20 list. And I don't like seeing Baxter suffering as a fly creature, but I do like seeing Z/Vincent and it's fun watching him walk around and imitate organic beings with all of his wild gesturing and posing. I don't, however, think any of the fly-Baxter episodes would make a top 10 list. This one might place as honorary mention on a top 20 list, though, just because of how important Z is in my verse and this is probably the one with him I re-watch the most. Revenge of the Fly is awfully depressing, really, although we do see a Z who has changed to the point that he is fiercely protective of Baxter in a way he isn't in the prior episodes, and I do love that aspect. And Bye, Bye, Fly, well, I re-watch it quite a bit since it's Z's intro episode, but it also has two instances of characters turning into non-anthro animals (albeit they do still keep their intelligence, at least). So that would keep it off a top 10 or 20 list, probably. I wouldn't even care about it if it weren't for Z.

Along those lines, I've been discovering that I've slipped into finding it difficult to watch Leatherhead's intro episode or the Ireland episode. I've seen the Leatherhead one several times, then the last time I watched it fine until we hit the weirdo pool, and then I decided I just wasn't up to seeing Shredder get age-reduced. Same thing happened with Bebop and Rocksteady in the Ireland episode. I saw it once, then went on ages and saw it again when I'd forgot that aspect, and then the third time I watched the first few minutes and decided I wasn't up for dealing with that aspect when this time I did remember it, so I stopped and watched the Orient Express episode instead. Honestly, the best thing about the Ireland episode is the community property line. ROTFLOL. But yeah, I just can't stand age-reduction in any form, even if it's the villains affected, and I'm amazed that I watched it at all in those episodes (let alone that I watched Detective Conan for a while). It just seriously rubs me the wrong way, and don't expect me to ever watch Three Men and an Egon. I saw a couple of clips and that was more than enough.

Anyway, maybe someday I'll figure out an entire top 10 list. Clearly I haven't yet, but I do know some of what would be on it (and some of what wouldn't be).
insaneladybug: (baxterstockman)
Now the water heater is dead. It seems to be the thermocouple and maybe the pilot light too. Thank God this happened in summer and not winter, but ugggh, we need hot water! Warming some up on the stove every time we need it is not convenient. Oh, we are so pampered in this modern age. And now we'll have something else to pay for that we can't afford, yet we can't afford not to.

And I'm in super-headache mode from a combination of nervous insomnia and sitting too close to a movie screen thanks to assigned seating. Blech. (I loved the movie, but not the seating. I saw Wonder Woman and now I kind of want one of the dolls Wal-Mart is selling. They kept not making a Wonder Woman movie because she was "tricky" for them to grasp for some reason, but they did a basically awesome job with this one! Could have done without one scene, though. But I found it awesome that Robert Pine's son played Steve Trevor.) I hope this won't go on long; this is the second day of it. I thought I was feeling better, but it came back on after a while. And I have to get up early on Sunday for another singing assignment. I'm really worried that will mess me up for days on end now that this headache mess came on again.

Speaking of movies, haven't bought Beauty and the Beast yet. I haven't been able to get to Wal-Mart, plus I heard that most of them aren't even doing special release week sales and are charging $20 instead. Ugh. So far the cheapest price I've heard for it is $18 and I'm not sure I'm willing to pay that much, at least not right now. Especially with the Scottish Festival only a month away. Last year I actually bought stuff there, so this year I might find stuff again. I always like to have money on hand just in case.

Earlier I finally watched Planet of the Turtleoids again, on my Cowabunga Classics DVD. That was my introduction to liking the 87 series last summer (the DVD, not necessarily the episode), and getting it out again made me feel a burst of nostalgia. My favorite watching time with it was, I believe, either the first or second time I had it out. It was late at night and my light was about the only light on in the house at that time. I watched maybe four or five of the ten episodes and I was having a blast. I finally realized the 87 series was awesome. I couldn't get enough. I felt transported back to the 80's/early 90's. I felt like a kid again. And it felt so good.

I'm rather baffled by some of the episodes viewers apparently voted on for inclusion on the set (the Gadget Man episode, wow. I mean, I like it, but to vote for it as one of the ten best? Really?), but others I totally understand. Curse of the Evil Eye is definitely an epic one. Plus it's nice for Baxter fans. I remember my initial confusion over who the character was, as I believe previously I'd only seen the season 1 design. Then Shredder addressed him as Baxter and I finally got it. I was surprised. And I remember thinking "Whoa ... yikes" when Baxter threatened the Turtles with his clay monster. Initially I didn't feel terribly sympathetic to him just from that one episode, but after watching all of his episodes, boy, did that change.

One thing I've been wondering for ages: what is the writers' obsession with wombats? In a lot of the episodes, there's jokes about wombats. David Wise did it a lot, but so did Michael Reaves, I believe. And maybe others. What's so funny about wombats? Did they just like how the word sounded? Or did someone on the writing staff really like the critters? LOL.

Now I need to decide on my next story, as the one I planned to do next I'm not sure I want to do next. It's based on that dream I recorded about the antique mall and Baxter is undercover, but I can't make up my mind whether he gets stabbed like in the dream or not. If he does, he's healed by a religious relic the crooks were after, as I have no interest in writing complications from stab wounds in the chest or lengthy recoveries and it wouldn't work well for my series when one story blends into the next and time passes slowly between stories. (Not to mention when Baxter is the main character and he kind of needs to be functional from one story to the next.) But I used a religious relic already in a Kolchak story and both relics are based on the one in an episode of Mysterious Ways, so I don't know that I should use that relic again. Maybe I need a new one. Or maybe Baxter shouldn't be stabbed and something else happens. Stabbing wouldn't even be a consideration if not for the dream and wanting to follow it as closely as possible. I shall ponder on it. Probably within a day or two I'll know what to do. I believe the next story will be #50, so I should probably try to make it a special one. The religious relic bit would fit the bill for a special one, definitely, if I decide I want to go there.
insaneladybug: (perry_hamilton)
So my poor Sonic X messenger bag seems to have died a sad death at my friend's house on Thursday. It developed a hole and starting shedding its inner material all over her chair and floor. It was a good thing we were in the kitchen with its hardwood floor, instead of downstairs with the carpet. I was able to get it all up and she gave me a large plastic bag to put my bag in so it wouldn't shed some more.

Obviously I need another bag. I'd prefer to have a character bag (Turtles or Ponies or Sailor Moon or Hello Kitty), but all the ones I like online seem to have so many bad reviews about poor quality that I hesitate to get any of them. And around here, there aren't any bags with characters on them. If I'm going to spend money on a bag, I'd really like it to be a character bag. Yet at the same time, I think it's better to examine a bag in person before getting it.

I need a big bag, too, preferably with lots of pockets and pouches to hold my stuff. And I like if it's big enough for standard notebook paper, since there are rare occasions where I still write on it while out and about. Messenger bags are the perfect size for me. Totes generally only have one compartment and no way to close them, but if I found one I liked with a zipper and at least two compartments, I'd be willing to consider it. I don't really want a backpack because it seems like it'd be easier for a pickpocket to grab something if it's on my back. Plus, I'd have to keep sliding it up and down to access it. A regular shoulder bag is much better suited to me. Large purses are also an option.

I really wish the only official Pony messenger bag had the main characters on it. I like Zecora, but it seemed an odd choice to put a recurring character and no one else on the sole Pony messenger bag.

At the moment I moved my essentials other than my standard notebook to a red purse I have. It's an alright size for temporary use, but I really need something bigger long-term. I wish the strap hadn't broke on a black bag I was using before I started with the messenger bag several years ago. The way it broke, there's no way to reattach it. It's really frustrating, because the bag itself is fine and could still be used.

I've also considered taping up the hole in my Sonic X bag with duct tape, but that would only be a temporary fix too. It sheds in my money compartment and other places are starting to rip, so it should probably retire.
insaneladybug: (hamilton_tragg)
So Facebook sent me one of its erratic notifications saying that someone posted a new picture. It was actually an album's worth of pictures, from a visit she made here a couple weeks ago for what looks like her sister's high school graduation. I looked through them all and ended up feeling pretty sad. So I guess that answers the question. I wasn't upset before just because of teetering emotions, even if that was part of it. Looks like I'm just going to continue being emotional for who knows why. Maybe the dam finally broke and stuff I bottled up for ages is just going to keep coming out.

I worked with this lady for a long time doing the church activities I still do for the 8-11 girls age group. She was probably the one I worked with the longest (three-ish years or more, I believe). I was so upset when I knew she was going to move, but eh, everyone I like always seems to do that sooner or later, so I think I tried to push back how much it hurt because I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to deal with it.

I don't know that we were really even that close. At least, it certainly wasn't like it ended up with the first girl I worked with, whom I still hang out with and will hopefully be seeing this week. This lady and I didn't really associate outside of working together. But there were friendly gestures, like she loaned me her brown permanent marker when I was making the Lou plushie and needed the brown for his eyes, and she took pictures of me holding the Ginger and Lou plushies when I had them to a point that I was ready to show them off.

There were planning meetings with just the two of us; for a while it was just us, and we'd have the activities at her house. (Funny story: the layout of her house is nearly identical to the current house of the girl I worked with first, the one I called my movie-going friend, so there's always that reminder of her when I'm over there.) And while I've had happy times all along and enjoy the company of every lady I've worked with, I think I was the happiest when it was just the two of us having cozy activities for the girls at her house. Another of my happiest activity memories is when the two of us and the only four girls who showed up to that particular activity played Capture the Flag in the church gym. There have been two other Capture the Flag activities since then, with a larger group, and honestly, they just don't come close to the happiness and fun of the time with the small group. Go figure.

Then there were a couple of misunderstandings that I feel terrible about. There was one time when we had activities planned for several months, and then she had to pull one of hers out, and naturally that moved the other activities up on the schedule. I was worried wondering how to work it because then ones that wouldn't have happened yet were coming up sooner and I needed to coordinate at least one of them and I wasn't prepared. I needed her help about something to do with it and somehow something I said gave her the impression that I was telling her that things were her fault. I felt awful. I was just trying to explain that since she'd had to pull the one activity, it moved the others up on the schedule and we needed to get going with planning those sooner than originally thought.

Then a mortifying incident when she was moving. I wanted to give her a card, but they'd already left the old house and I wasn't sure how to get it to her. She didn't offer an address to mail it to, but said they'd be checking the old house's mail a couple more times. And ugh, Facebook was being such a memory-hogging pain and wrecking the browser's performance, so I couldn't stand to be on it and I immediately closed it after asking the question of when to leave the card, and it didn't notify me of her reply, and I was mortified since it only came in a minute or two after I'd posted. I didn't think it would be easily understood how awful Facebook tends to act for me, and I was frustrated that I'd missed the chance to get the card to her. I asked if there would be any other chances and I also managed to miss that reply. Ugh, I hate Facebook so much. I felt like sinking through the floor that I'd missed that one too. And I also felt bad not to be able to get the card to her, but I wondered if I was just being a bother and she didn't even really want it since she didn't give me an address. I think she was staying with her parents at the time. She probably didn't feel she should give out their address, but eh, I felt awkward and didn't know what to do and I still have the card in my bag.

We haven't really interacted since then. We're both quiet, reserved people, which I suppose accounts for the misunderstandings and such. Probably neither of us wants to do anything to impose. Maybe she thought I was trying to give the card as a dutiful gesture or something and she didn't want to put me to any trouble if that was the reason I wrote it. I don't know.

There have been some slight interactions in the way of Liking posts and comments on Facebook. Maybe I should try seeing if her email still works and ask how things are going. Since there was some post Liking, maybe she's not still upset with me (if she ever was to begin with). If I remember right, I stopped using the email because she had to pay more for using email. But maybe she has a better set-up at the new home.

Bleh, I don't know what to do with myself. This is just stupid. Ever since I saw the picture post, I've been crying off and on missing her so flippin' much. I love the ladies I work with now, but I wish she was still here. I wasn't ready to let her go.
insaneladybug: (baxterstockman)
I think I've figured out what I need to do. Since for the first time my audience is divided, I believe the only right thing to do, at least for the time being, is cross-posting. I will probably post from DW and cross-post to LJ from there, and then go to LJ and edit the posts with different icons, since I assume it will only cross-post with the default icon? We'll see. (Hey, look, it posted with the same icon both places! Awesome.) Some entries will still be DW-specific, like if I want to post more silly song lyrics like I was doing earlier, but otherwise they will most likely be cross-posted for now.

It is so surprising to discover that while Leonardo remains my favorite Turtle for the 1987 series (as he is in all branches of the franchise), I believe Michelangelo is my second favorite for the 1987 series. He always irritated me through the years, even as a kid. I didn't remember the 1987 series too well, but he irritated me in my sole Archie Comic. I don't recall if he irritated me in the 1990 movie, however. But then he drove me nuts in the 2003 series.

I don't know if I mellowed out or what, because he didn't irritate me when I watched TMNT, nor in the Platinum Dunes movies (yes, I actually like those). And last summer when I watched the few season 1 episodes of the 2003 series that I have on DVD, he wasn't too much of a pain. Not a favorite, but he didn't absolutely grate on my nerves. Although I think most of my aggravation with him came from season 2 and beyond.

I found him less annoying but still kind of a pain in the 1987 series, and I'm still a little irritated with him in some episodes (like where he blasts the radio really loud while the others are trying to sleep, WTH), but a combination of writing for him in my stories and interacting every day with ThickerThanLove, a huge Michelangelo fan who brought new perspectives to the table, has seemed to result in my seeing him with new eyes. I didn't find him so annoying anymore in some episodes, like Nightmare in the Lair. When I like a character enough, I tend to forgive their faults/be amused by them/be exasperated but not turned off by them. And I seem to have mostly reached that point with Michelangelo. I never in my life thought that would happen. But considering that he's the friendliest/most forgiving of the Turtles, he's the one who ended up bonding with Baxter the most, so he's ironically the Turtle I write for the most in my stories. It's hard to keep disliking him under those circumstances. I was already starting to feel differently about him from that, and then it happened even moreso with the daily new perspectives on his character from my Michelangelo fan friend.

I owe a lot of important things in the stories to her, too. Like when Barney was so obsessive about not failing in The Golden Goose story and that led to him doing some things that have haunted him ever since, she noted how his attitude set him on a path that could definitely lead to him snapping and going psychotic someday. I thought about that and realized that while I certainly could do that, it wasn't what I wanted for him. And that story became a turning point in the opposite direction. He hit rock bottom from what he did in that story (encasing Michelangelo in gold with the goose's powers) and from that point gradually improved instead of spiraling out further. He believed more than ever that he deserved to be with villains and that he absolutely was one, but ever so slowly, his conscience and Vincent and Baxter worked on him and he started to turn his life around. And there's so many other things, little suggestions for dialogue or plot twists, or sometimes big plot twists; some stories would absolutely have not come together without her. I don't think I could list all the ways she's made my stories so much better.

The other day we were musing on our "rules" for writing stories set in 1987 verse. I said that I figured my only rules were things I would not do to the characters, similar to how I feel about pretty much every fandom. But since TMNT 87 is so wacky, there are a couple of things slightly different for it, rule-wise.

Like, I think my main things are something as follows:

- Absolutely under no circumstances will the characters unnaturally change ages, either younger or older. I think this honestly upsets me more than any other trope the series did. And it's not just a matter of how the series did it; I just really have a thing about characters being forced to be other ages than what they are, either physically or mentally or both. (That said, I have got a giggle from how both TMNT 87 and Get Smart handled characters behaving like kids while not looking like them. But I still wouldn't write even that much into the trope.)

- Likewise, no shrinking/miniaturization.

- I'm actually not as repulsed by growing big (50-foot Irma, etc.), but that said, I don't want to write it regardless.

- No broken bones or stomach wounds. I always cite having watched that Sesame Street arc about Telly's broken arm as the reason why I won't break bones. And my research on stomach wounds when I was trying to save the canonically stabbed Mr. Ecks is the reason why I say No to stomach wounds. (So probably, if I did research on other things, I might end up with a lot of other scenarios I would say No to as well. Heh. Or else decide, "Screw reality; I'm doing it the way I want it!" if it's something like a knockout, but it's pretty common in fiction not to treat knockouts like reality anyway, so I don't feel as weird for that.

- No loss of senses. Especially vision, but any sense-loss is a big no-no. (Characters can become shellshocked/not talk after something traumatic, but the ability to speak will never be removed from them.)

- While Channel 6 characters were often collectively the victims of weird stuff, Baxter likely will never be part of that if it would mean he'd be out of commission/needing to be helped for the entire story. Like when I did the Relaxatron fic and the Channel 6 crew ended up super relaxed and funny and unhelpful, Baxter escaped that fate (because Barney didn't want to do that to him). The stories are largely to develop Baxter and Barney's characters, which wouldn't be accomplished by Baxter being in weird states for the duration. And then it wouldn't be as much fun for me, heh.

- On the same lines, while it is totally encouraged to make fun of Shredder-tachi, Barney is exempt from this aside from some amusement over some of his temper tantrums. (Even that seemed to lessen, however, and the temper became a more serious issue for the most part. Which wasn't how I planned it; it just happened that way.) When Barney worked for Shredder, weird things didn't happen to him even if they happened to some or all of the rest of the group.

- In other words, Baxter and Barney are both to be treated as serious characters.

- Characters turning into animals is a necessary evil for watching this series, but I will not do it unless I'm fixing a mess canon made and didn't fully clean up (like Irma and Vernon's rat transformations lying dormant and still being able to be triggered).

- That said, characters will only ever be anthropomorphic/mutant animals. No "real-life" type animals are acceptable. Donatello Trashes Slash is one episode I've only watched once, mainly because I can't stomach Vernon and Burne turtles. The designs were really ugly and that only made it worse. (And probably now that I've brought it up, I'll end up trying to brave the episode one more time....) Bye, Bye, Fly I avoided re-watching for ages. I only feel better about watching it for Z/Vincent. Otherwise, I doubt I would.

- Characters don't die for real. (Of course.)

- The power of love is awesome. I still love to use it to redeem characters/get them out of places like Nightmare Land/get hysterical characters to calm down, etc. Barney is a neuropsychologist, but I can't see myself doing a whole lot with his knowledge of legal drugs as I've never used that as a way to calm hysterical characters down, etc. (Hysterical characters can be calmed down by the love of a family member/friend in my verse.) Of course, I've also never written problems that pretty much only could be solved by legal drugs in reality. Naturally, the power of love can't fix everything, like Shredder's brother will never manage to redeem him, but for characters who are good at heart, yeah, it works on at least some important things, like breaking through mind-control/possession and/or getting characters to fight to live.

- No magic, please, unless it's absolutely necessary. Let's use science instead. Even The Golden Goose in my verse is supposed to be science-based and not magic-based. One thing I love about the 87 series is that magic really wasn't a factor. Yeah, I still don't like magic and only use it as the means to an end if I have to. But for this series, I can use science to that end instead, so yay.

(I know/(knew?) someone who was always really exasperated/frustrated by my love of "The power of love" and preferred magic to fix things. But meanwhile, I was exasperated/frustrated by that, so I'd say it all evens out. Heh. Anyway, I eventually got so I was hesitant/wary/leery/worried to use the trope, but these days I'm encouraged to use it rather than discouraged. LOL. Go figure. I love that.)

- Even though we're using science, let's also not try to apply real-life science to situations that just can't happen in real-life (unless somehow it amazingly would work in theory).

- And since TMNT 87 pretty much said "Screw the rules!," let's hardly ever bring real-world logic in in the first place. LOL. Like, characters can be frozen in blocks of ice and then unthawed without the need for hospital stays or extreme methods of warming up. Gradually increasing the heat and burrowing into blankets works fine, LOL. (And loved ones holding them close.) Since I've expressed before that I like "instant gratification hurt/comfort" rather than recoveries that drag on and on for ages, the attitude of TMNT 87 works really well for me and I can do pretty much whatever I want without worry over not doing what's realistic.

It's funny how for years I avoided the series both because it's funny and because it has tropes I don't like, and now I totally embrace it while instead being more leery of revisiting the 2003 series. On the one hand, I'm pretty much burned out on dark things and prefer things that make me laugh. Of course, on the other hand, I was always upset by what was happening to the 2003 Baxter, even though I didn't particularly like that version of the character since he was sane but evil. I still thought he didn't deserve the horrifying things that kept happening to him, and by this point I'm so horrified/repulsed/disgusted/appalled by that that I honestly don't know if I could ever feel like revisiting most of the episodes after the worst stuff starts happening to him.

I've heard it said in some places that 2003 Baxter is 1987 Baxter done right. As far as making him a major player through the series, I'll agree. As far as what happens to them, I completely disagree, except for the fact that 2003 Baxter actually has some hope of a decent body by the end. As sickened as I am by the fly cross-fusion, 2003 Baxter's fates are physically far worse. And as far as personality, I don't think one can compare too far, since while yes, they're both arrogant/think they're awesome, 2003 Baxter is sane but evil and 1987 Baxter started out trying to be honest, as far as we can tell, and his life turned upsidedown when he trusted the wrong man. He didn't know what Shredder really wanted the Mousers for, as shown when he commented "That guy must really have a thing about rats," and I'm pretty sure Shredder was the one who stamped Baxter's name on them so he would get blamed when the city got torn apart. Baxter was just trying to start out, after all; he was living in a broken-down factory with shattered windows. I highly doubt he really had a company called "Baxter Stockman Inventions." Shredder probably made it up. I don't think Baxter was completely nuts during the early season 2 episodes, but his sanity was clearly teetering on the brink judging from the first episode of such. (And Curse of the Evil Eye showed him finally snapping and not putting up with the abuse anymore.) And then his sanity was completely gone after the cross-fusion. No, being nuts doesn't make the horrible things he did right, but I do think it gives him more sympathy. Plus, one has to remember that he was cross-fused with a fly and the fly's brain was clearly taking over more and more with each episode. That was obvious even without anything being said, but Baxter said as much in Bye, Bye, Fly. So he had both cracked up in general and another mind was eclipsing his. He just couldn't win.

(Also, is it a little immature of me that when I saw someone giggling over the fact that Z's energy-generated body looked naked, my response was to laugh back with basically, "Of course he's naked; that's obvious. But he didn't design it to be anatomically correct, LOL." That is to say, that person found it amusing he was naked, I found it amusing that said person was so amused since there wasn't anything that needed to be censored. And I don't mean I said anything to the person; I've never interacted with said person. But that was my mental response from afar, shall we say. And the point is briefly brought up in the stories when he decides to wear clothes.)

And wow, I went off on a tangent. That's what happens when one doesn't update for a while, I guess.

(Also, yay, DW does have a Saved Draft feature! Didn't realize that.)

Dreams

Apr. 23rd, 2017 05:52 pm
insaneladybug: (hamilton_shocked)
I had a lovely dream on Thursday. I dreamed that H.M. Wynant had made many movies for Disney (actually, he only made one, Tonka) and Disney was releasing them in an H.M. Wynant Collection. Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo was one of them, LOL. Random choice, brain. Then we were watching some old movie, and we were at the old house, and Grandma was still alive and we were showing it to her like we always used to do, and it seemed to be either a Western or taking place in the 1900s and H.M.'s character was wearing a straw hat and striped jacket and was singing to a crowd. The song weirdly enough included some of the lyrics of a silly song I wrote about his Perry Mason character. (That parody is one I'm most proud of, as the character's name is Mr. Sampson, and oh, how well that works for a parody of Mr. Santa/Sandman!)

It got weirder/more awesome by far when H.M. came to visit and I got to meet him and later have dinner with him and his wife (which was set up on a small table down in the old house's laundry room, WTH).

Bizarre settings, but awesomely epic dream. Waking up from that kind of dream is actually refreshing. It's nice for a change.

Then today, oh boy, I had one of my "I'm being chased" dreams again. This one was intense and scary, as it was an assassin after me. I think I knew something I wasn't supposed to know. I was alone in the house (something that's never the case in real-life), ran out, ran next-door for help, tried to call 911, messed up the address on the phone because the guy was breaking in, had to run away again both to protect myself and the people in the house.... Then I was back in my house again and had to run again, and thus began the mad chase. I ran up and down blocks, in and out of people's houses, encountering some people who turned up in prior dreams and eventually ending up in the dream world of my mom's childhood neighborhood. It looks and feels much creepier in the dream, even though in reality it's not a safe place anymore and hasn't been for years. I decided going to hide down the old street would be a bad idea because I could be tracked there, so after I passed the home of some relatives who still live there in actuality, I ran down a different street. I ended up at some old dilapidated house where I knew some private eye or lawyer or somebody lived. For some reason, I thought the guy would help me, so I ran inside. The guy was certainly unconventional, but he did agree to help. There were a few scenes of what seemed to be making plans for what to do and going to some dilapidated theatre to ... meet an informant or something.

Then ... I'm not sure what happened, if I woke up and went back to sleep and started some of the dream over, but it was night and I was home and I knew I had to go out and get to the downtown area to ... either get to that guy's house or meet him somewhere like Borders. And even though the home was definitely here, or based on here, the downtown area was the area in our old city. (Which is also where Mom's childhood neighborhood is in real-life.) So I started out and had to go past the cemetery, and it's also way bigger than in real-life, and it was making me very nervous. Then it was by the freeway in the dream, and I was walking alongside the freeway on the sidewalk to get downtown. And either someone was with me or I decided to get a tricycle to go faster than walking, WTH. Still not sure whether the one on the tricycle was me or if I was with her. And we did make it downtown and it seemed like we were going to Borders to meet the guy.

I often dream about taking such trips downtown, to Borders or Barnes and Noble or the big library. There's always a much more mysterious feeling over the whole place than in real-life. It's so interesting and weird both. As are the chase dreams. Assassin ones are freaking scary, but they're intense and exciting as I'm putting as much distance between him and me as possible. And it's always kind of nice revisiting the old neighborhoods in my dreams. Even though they're not exactly the same as in reality.

Sweet.

Apr. 16th, 2017 05:18 am
insaneladybug: (barneystockman)
I've gotta say, I am absolutely loving how quiet this site is. Livejournal has been acting up and gobbling memory for months on end because of all the extra ads that aren't supposed to be there and that they claim are glitches, which they mysteriously don't fix. I've barely been on LJ for months, in part because of this.

A friend was telling me about her ideas for an alternate dimension she wants to write a story about. That, plus my aggravation over the movie Only Angels Have Wings, seem to have combined to cause me to have a dream about Baxter Stockman and Irma Langinstein from the 1987 Ninja Turtles series working for Baloo and Wildcat on TaleSpin. WTH. It seemed to be pre-series, so no Rebecca, Kit, or Molly. Irma was the secretary and ... I'm not sure what Baxter was doing. It was a world where humans and animals coexisted quite happily.

Telling my friend about it ended up causing me to wonder what would happen if Baxter and Barney somehow wandered into the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic verse for a couple of hours. If they did, though, they would remain human and not be turned into animals. Oh no. Never. It would be like this way cute Stargate/Pony crossover story I found where the Stargate characters found their way to the Pony world but stayed human while there. Maybe I'll tinker with the idea in a blurb or maybe not. I've got plenty of actual story ideas to write! I'm on story #39 of my Turtles series.

It's kind of nice to be at this quiet, content stage. Sometimes I'm longing to buy a lot of things and trying to figure out how to divide my money to get the most possible out of it. Right now, there's nothing I seriously want and I'm enjoying just being happy with my Turtles DVDs and figures and Baxter plushie and my stories. And the Knight Rider complete series set I bought at Wal-Mart for $25. Squeee.

I do wish I could get the Mega Bloks Technodrome, though. Especially since it's the only way to get a Splinter figure right now. But it's highly unlikely I will ever be able to get that. Even on sale, it's $148, and that is ... kind of a ridiculous price to spend on one single item, let alone a toy. Sigh.

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