insaneladybug (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
insaneladybug) wrote2012-01-04 09:40 pm
insaneladybug) wrote2012-01-04 09:40 pm
Entry tags:
Gee, Mr. Burger
Okay, here's that silly Gee, Officer Krupke parody I wrote. I'm very proud of these silly lyrics; I thought a long time about how to keep the flavor of the original song while adapting it to what I wanted. I kept a scant few of the original lyrics when they fit the situation.
I should explain first: the conceited nut the fuss is all about is an original character of mine. He started out as me just role-playing Don Karnage from Disney's Talespin, but he ended up so different years later that I decided he was no longer that character but someone else altogether. And he became my own character. He's still called Karnage, but if I ever do anything nationally with him, of course he'd be called something else. I have another name all in readiness, just in case. And this Karnage is an anthropomorphic Alaskan Malamute instead of a ... whatever Don Karnage is. (I insist he's a fox, but the comic said he's a wolf.)
I find conceited behavior repulsive when taken seriously, but as a gag it's one of the things I find funnier than just about anything else. I kept pushing the limits with this guy in my role-plays with Mom. He's just about as outrageous as you could get. When something goes wrong, like losing a piece of fur, he goes into these states where he just screams "Me, me, me" until the problem is solved. He joined the Army and was under the command of General Stilton from Disney's The Cat From Outer Space. And Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H became his best friend. (The time period for the role-play is the present day, and we liberally throw in characters from all eras, although in the role-play they haven't time-traveled or anything like that; they just live in the present day and that's the way it's always been.) I don't think Karnage is still in the Army, though. He met Hamilton Burger when he barged into court one day, took the witness stand, and said in all sincerity, "I solemnly swear that I'm glorious." He was promptly charged with contempt of court and kept on racking up the charges when he wouldn't shut up. Hamilton prosecuted and this song came out of the silliness.
EDIT: I've thought for a long time that I should add spoken dialogue between each verse, just like the real song has. I've added some in.
Karnage:
Dear, kindly Mr. Burger
I know you'll understand
Because I'm just the most glorious
Being in every land
My fur, it is so silky
My teeth, you see they shine
Goodness, gracious
I am just divine!
Well, Mr. Attorney,
I'm very upset
Because I'm just so wondrous
In a way no one gets
I am amazing, and I am so grand
While everyone around me
Is so bland!
They're so bland, they're so bland
They're unearthly bland
And I'd like to give a helping hand
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, I'm sorry for the defendant's outburst.
Judge: The defendant will be charged with contempt of court if he doesn't sit down immediately and be quiet!
Karnage: Oh, but Your Honor, I'm too glorious to be charged with contempt of court!
Sung
Dear, kindly Judge, Your Honor,
The world, it treats me rough
Because I am the only one who's
Got the stuff
It doesn't want me here,
Because my eyes, they are so clear
And I know the best wife is
My sweet mirror
Judge:
Well, Mr. Attorney,
He shouldn't be here
He needs to see a shrink
Because he married a mirror
He's got a neurosis that ought
To be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed!
Karnage:
But I'm not, I am not,
Of course I'm not;
I just know with good looks
I've got a lot!
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, I've already had the defendant examined by three police psychiatrists. They all say he's competent to stand trial.
Judge: I don't care. You will see to him receiving further evaluation, Mr. Burger.
Mr. Burger: Yes, Your Honor.
Sung
Karnage:
Dear, kindly Mr. Shrink,
I know you just can't blink
Because you have never had
My presence on your couch
My general has cracked up
My best friend wears a dress
Goodness, gracious,
Everyone's a mess!
Psychiatrist:
Well, Mr. Attorney,
There's naught I can do
Long ago he jumped off
The deep end of the pool
You see that he must be
So terribly sick
To adore himself to get his kicks!
Karnage:
But I'm sane, I am sane,
And it's very plain that
Everyone's just jealous of my fame
Spoken
Judge: Mr. Burger, your report is not encouraging.
Mr. Burger: I know, Your Honor. I've always felt the defendant is ... not in full possession of his faculties. I was reluctant to hold this hearing in the first place. I did so only after the third police psychiatrist said he was competent to stand trial.
Judge: I wonder how competent they are! ... What's he doing now?
Mr. Burger: Oh no....
Sung
Karnage:
Dear, kindly police lieutenant,
They tell me I'm a nut
But of course I know
That they're the ones who are in a rut!
I'm not anti-people,
I just want them all to see
That I'm glorious as I can be!
Lieutenant Schrank:
Hey, Mr. Attorney,
He's done it again
This guy don't need a break,
He needs a nice looney bin!
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Being so conceited is not good!
Karnage:
But I'm grand, I am grand
And in all the land
Everyone just knows that I am grand!
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, there's no purpose in continuing this hearing any longer. The defendant is obviously delusional and out of his mind.
Judge: This hearing isn't over. I want to hear more witnesses' testimonies.
Mr. Burger: But Your Honor ... !
Sung
The people of Los Angeles:
He wants so much attention!
He cracked up as a kid!
He wastes all of our time
Just flipping his lid.
We're getting so tired
Of hearing he's grand
Burger, stop him!
That's what we demand.
Well, Mr. Attorney,
We're down on our knees
Because we're just so tired of
Karnage's "Me's"
Mr. Attorney, what are we to do?
Karnage:
Hey, Mr. Attorney,
You adore me too!
(Cue Mr. Burger's look of shocked disbelief and horror.)
And then a bit later, after a disaster during the hearing, I wrote this additional chorus:
Your Honor, it should now
Be plain to see
Karnage's brain is full of rocks
This just fits him to a T.
He tried to make Burger dance to a waltz
With a loud cry of "Me, me, me!"
(Mr. Burger refused to dance and Karnage got nowhere with his nonsense.)
Although of course everyone thinks Karnage is off his rocker, I don't want the explanation to be so pat. I don't think he's insane; he's so outrageous he's in a category all to himself. LOL.
(And yes, he really did marry a mirror. That was one of our silliest RP arcs to date.)
I should explain first: the conceited nut the fuss is all about is an original character of mine. He started out as me just role-playing Don Karnage from Disney's Talespin, but he ended up so different years later that I decided he was no longer that character but someone else altogether. And he became my own character. He's still called Karnage, but if I ever do anything nationally with him, of course he'd be called something else. I have another name all in readiness, just in case. And this Karnage is an anthropomorphic Alaskan Malamute instead of a ... whatever Don Karnage is. (I insist he's a fox, but the comic said he's a wolf.)
I find conceited behavior repulsive when taken seriously, but as a gag it's one of the things I find funnier than just about anything else. I kept pushing the limits with this guy in my role-plays with Mom. He's just about as outrageous as you could get. When something goes wrong, like losing a piece of fur, he goes into these states where he just screams "Me, me, me" until the problem is solved. He joined the Army and was under the command of General Stilton from Disney's The Cat From Outer Space. And Corporal Klinger from M*A*S*H became his best friend. (The time period for the role-play is the present day, and we liberally throw in characters from all eras, although in the role-play they haven't time-traveled or anything like that; they just live in the present day and that's the way it's always been.) I don't think Karnage is still in the Army, though. He met Hamilton Burger when he barged into court one day, took the witness stand, and said in all sincerity, "I solemnly swear that I'm glorious." He was promptly charged with contempt of court and kept on racking up the charges when he wouldn't shut up. Hamilton prosecuted and this song came out of the silliness.
EDIT: I've thought for a long time that I should add spoken dialogue between each verse, just like the real song has. I've added some in.
Karnage:
Dear, kindly Mr. Burger
I know you'll understand
Because I'm just the most glorious
Being in every land
My fur, it is so silky
My teeth, you see they shine
Goodness, gracious
I am just divine!
Well, Mr. Attorney,
I'm very upset
Because I'm just so wondrous
In a way no one gets
I am amazing, and I am so grand
While everyone around me
Is so bland!
They're so bland, they're so bland
They're unearthly bland
And I'd like to give a helping hand
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, I'm sorry for the defendant's outburst.
Judge: The defendant will be charged with contempt of court if he doesn't sit down immediately and be quiet!
Karnage: Oh, but Your Honor, I'm too glorious to be charged with contempt of court!
Sung
Dear, kindly Judge, Your Honor,
The world, it treats me rough
Because I am the only one who's
Got the stuff
It doesn't want me here,
Because my eyes, they are so clear
And I know the best wife is
My sweet mirror
Judge:
Well, Mr. Attorney,
He shouldn't be here
He needs to see a shrink
Because he married a mirror
He's got a neurosis that ought
To be curbed
He's psychologically disturbed!
Karnage:
But I'm not, I am not,
Of course I'm not;
I just know with good looks
I've got a lot!
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, I've already had the defendant examined by three police psychiatrists. They all say he's competent to stand trial.
Judge: I don't care. You will see to him receiving further evaluation, Mr. Burger.
Mr. Burger: Yes, Your Honor.
Sung
Karnage:
Dear, kindly Mr. Shrink,
I know you just can't blink
Because you have never had
My presence on your couch
My general has cracked up
My best friend wears a dress
Goodness, gracious,
Everyone's a mess!
Psychiatrist:
Well, Mr. Attorney,
There's naught I can do
Long ago he jumped off
The deep end of the pool
You see that he must be
So terribly sick
To adore himself to get his kicks!
Karnage:
But I'm sane, I am sane,
And it's very plain that
Everyone's just jealous of my fame
Spoken
Judge: Mr. Burger, your report is not encouraging.
Mr. Burger: I know, Your Honor. I've always felt the defendant is ... not in full possession of his faculties. I was reluctant to hold this hearing in the first place. I did so only after the third police psychiatrist said he was competent to stand trial.
Judge: I wonder how competent they are! ... What's he doing now?
Mr. Burger: Oh no....
Sung
Karnage:
Dear, kindly police lieutenant,
They tell me I'm a nut
But of course I know
That they're the ones who are in a rut!
I'm not anti-people,
I just want them all to see
That I'm glorious as I can be!
Lieutenant Schrank:
Hey, Mr. Attorney,
He's done it again
This guy don't need a break,
He needs a nice looney bin!
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Being so conceited is not good!
Karnage:
But I'm grand, I am grand
And in all the land
Everyone just knows that I am grand!
Spoken
Mr. Burger: Your Honor, there's no purpose in continuing this hearing any longer. The defendant is obviously delusional and out of his mind.
Judge: This hearing isn't over. I want to hear more witnesses' testimonies.
Mr. Burger: But Your Honor ... !
Sung
The people of Los Angeles:
He wants so much attention!
He cracked up as a kid!
He wastes all of our time
Just flipping his lid.
We're getting so tired
Of hearing he's grand
Burger, stop him!
That's what we demand.
Well, Mr. Attorney,
We're down on our knees
Because we're just so tired of
Karnage's "Me's"
Mr. Attorney, what are we to do?
Karnage:
Hey, Mr. Attorney,
You adore me too!
(Cue Mr. Burger's look of shocked disbelief and horror.)
And then a bit later, after a disaster during the hearing, I wrote this additional chorus:
Your Honor, it should now
Be plain to see
Karnage's brain is full of rocks
This just fits him to a T.
He tried to make Burger dance to a waltz
With a loud cry of "Me, me, me!"
(Mr. Burger refused to dance and Karnage got nowhere with his nonsense.)
Although of course everyone thinks Karnage is off his rocker, I don't want the explanation to be so pat. I don't think he's insane; he's so outrageous he's in a category all to himself. LOL.
(And yes, he really did marry a mirror. That was one of our silliest RP arcs to date.)