Too Much Loss
Sep. 16th, 2025 01:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I don't know, man. 2025 needs to just go screw itself somewhere and die. Not only did we lose my Dad, we lost one of the very first neighbors we ever had. No, not Dad's best friend Jim. This one was the one that lived caddy corner from us. She died suddenly this past weekend. Mom asked me if I was going to go to her celebration of life. Now I'd love to, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I'll be honest. I just barely handled Dad's. The timing isn't great for me, either. The celebration of life is the day before what would've been Fred's 46th birthday. It's bad enough that Mom and I won't be together and on what would have been Dad's 71st. It's his first birthday after passing, and I hate it. I will be dog sitting for Brandy and Stella.
Barb and Tom do feel horrible about the timing. But they schedule these cruises a year in advance. No one knew Dad was going to die. So of course I'm not mad at them either. Just the timing.
I just can't believe the sheer amount of loss both in my immediate vicinity, and in the celebrity world. It's been so depressing.
But this is why I am so glad I have my fandoms to fall back on. Outside of faith, they've been a real blessing. In particular this year the Tokatsu fandom has been my thing. It's really a strange thing, honestly. I went from someone who wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole to someone who is willing to try the sentai counter parts of her favorite Ranger seasons. And not only that? Kamen Rider is in the mix now. I had avoided Kamen Rider for a long time. Not because I wasn't interested (I lowkey have been ever since I found out that Masked Rider from the 90s was adapted from one of the series). But I wanted to find a way to connect with Fred's brother on a more personal level. Fred and I had so many things. I wanted something for me and Jon to share. Jonathan (side note: I can't see the name Jon, or Jonathan, without thinking about Jonathan Roba. I don't think they're ever gonna leave me alone!) suggested Kamen Rider Zero One. He didn't give me a good reason why. Just said, "this one is on Tubi. Try it." I did try it, but it wasn't on Tubi. I'd already subscribed to Shout TV! for access to more of the Sentai series. A handful of Kamen Rider series are already on that platform as well. (DOes anyone else wish Shout Factory hadn't given up on the Tokatsu releases? It would've been awesome to get Magiranger, Go-Onger and Gokaiger on official DVDs instead of having to download and make my own).
What's ensued is an increased obsession with a fictional cyber terrorist. Jin has had me smitten from the beginning. The fact is, Jin, towards the end of his first life, was beginning to think for himself, and see that The Ark's mission was wrong. Damned Horobi corrupting his data. Thanks to doing heavy research for Shane (my RP bestie in my PanFandom RP) I did find out how he ends, and I'm actually kinda satisfied with it. I won't post it here. I know the series is old, but there are still people discovering as I have been. Don't want to spoil the experience. Jin has a nickname from me, too. I often call him "My precious little psycho".
Not one person who knows my track record for adopting/liking bad guys was surprised about this. Hell, I even adopted Basco and he was very sadistic.
Anyway, these little things are what is helping me the most this month.
Barb and Tom do feel horrible about the timing. But they schedule these cruises a year in advance. No one knew Dad was going to die. So of course I'm not mad at them either. Just the timing.
I just can't believe the sheer amount of loss both in my immediate vicinity, and in the celebrity world. It's been so depressing.
But this is why I am so glad I have my fandoms to fall back on. Outside of faith, they've been a real blessing. In particular this year the Tokatsu fandom has been my thing. It's really a strange thing, honestly. I went from someone who wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole to someone who is willing to try the sentai counter parts of her favorite Ranger seasons. And not only that? Kamen Rider is in the mix now. I had avoided Kamen Rider for a long time. Not because I wasn't interested (I lowkey have been ever since I found out that Masked Rider from the 90s was adapted from one of the series). But I wanted to find a way to connect with Fred's brother on a more personal level. Fred and I had so many things. I wanted something for me and Jon to share. Jonathan (side note: I can't see the name Jon, or Jonathan, without thinking about Jonathan Roba. I don't think they're ever gonna leave me alone!) suggested Kamen Rider Zero One. He didn't give me a good reason why. Just said, "this one is on Tubi. Try it." I did try it, but it wasn't on Tubi. I'd already subscribed to Shout TV! for access to more of the Sentai series. A handful of Kamen Rider series are already on that platform as well. (DOes anyone else wish Shout Factory hadn't given up on the Tokatsu releases? It would've been awesome to get Magiranger, Go-Onger and Gokaiger on official DVDs instead of having to download and make my own).
What's ensued is an increased obsession with a fictional cyber terrorist. Jin has had me smitten from the beginning. The fact is, Jin, towards the end of his first life, was beginning to think for himself, and see that The Ark's mission was wrong. Damned Horobi corrupting his data. Thanks to doing heavy research for Shane (my RP bestie in my PanFandom RP) I did find out how he ends, and I'm actually kinda satisfied with it. I won't post it here. I know the series is old, but there are still people discovering as I have been. Don't want to spoil the experience. Jin has a nickname from me, too. I often call him "My precious little psycho".
Not one person who knows my track record for adopting/liking bad guys was surprised about this. Hell, I even adopted Basco and he was very sadistic.
Anyway, these little things are what is helping me the most this month.