insaneladybug | Entries tagged with me

Some things the same, some better.

I'm getting paid now by a veteran's organization to take care of Dad. The money helps a lot, both for things needed in the household and fun things. I've had the freedom to buy things I couldn't before, which makes me very happy. One of my most treasured things is the Play Arts Kai Advent Children Sephiroth with wing. He arrived on my birthday last October and I adore him so much.

I finally got a Switch Lite and have plenty of games for it. Best discovery was realizing I could actually play Final Fantasy VII after loving it for so many years. I spent hours reading the game script, I watched countless cutscenes, watched Advent Children over and over, but I never had access to the games to be able to actually play them. Playing it at last and getting to actually experience those beloved characters' story opened story floodgates for me and I've had lots of ideas for both FF and KH stories. I'm also finally able to play Crisis Core, which I also love.

Twilight and Dawn timeline has definitely taken off and I've been writing many stories with Cloud and Sephiroth after they've grown even closer. I feel I should probably insert a few stories to bridge the gap between where the timeline left off and the first recent fic taking place after the other fics that showed them much closer than before, but I don't know. Maybe it looks okay as it is, especially since that recent fic has a crisis in it and said crisis furthered their closeness in it. I love those guys so much.

I overhauled my KH fic timeline after finally looking into Birth By Sleep and deciding it was time to accept it and work with it and that it mostly helped the main things I wanted to have in my timeline, mainly Sephiroth being his own person and actually trying to help Cloud instead of hurt him. My new KH timeline is way better than the old one and also accepts the magical nature of the source material much more. Seph has a much better and happier backstory, especially regarding his wings, and he no longer is bound to Cloud like in the old timeline. He's trying to help completely of his own free will. So much better.

Bought a gaming laptop and am able to run Dissidia NT on it. I play that most every day, always as either FF or KH Seph. It's funny that a fighting game is actually calming and comforting to me, but I think it's mostly because of being able to play as Seph. Smash Ultimate is another comfort game for the same reason, as is my ROM of Dissidia 012. I also have Rebirth and the mod that lets me play as Seph in at least some of it other than just chapter 1. That is delightful. The graphics in that game are so beautiful and I'm always swooning over Seph's gorgeousness in it.

Theatrhythm Final Bar Line is such a wholesome and adorable game, and useful to try to learn timing in music better. I like getting that out a lot too. My main team of Seph, Cloud, Zack, and Aerith reached Level 99 within a week or two, lol. Of course, it's fast leveling up in that game, but still.

The Eevee colony has expanded exponentially. And Pokemon Center is doing a Year of Eevee event, which of course has contributed to the expansion.

Very upset about Joann closing. I wish someone would step in and save them like someone did for Big Lots. Big Lots isn't even the same unique store it used to be, but there's really nothing that can replace Joann. I'm stocking up for future crafting projects and need to get back there again for more. It still doesn't feel real to lose it.

Party City is gone now too, save for the franchise locations that weren't affected by the bankruptcy (and the Canadian stores owned by other people). I'm glad I did end up getting the Eevee cardboard cutout when they got it back in stock last autumn.

Current Mood: cheerful

I have always had great anticipation for my birthday. The last couple of years have been strange, with having to get my gifts myself, but in another way it's been nice since most of what I want is online-only, Dad has never been good with shopping for others online, and this way I ensure I get lots of what I really want. I've stocked up some fun things for my birthday, mainly Eevee and Star Wars and Encanto merch. And at least there will be a couple of surprises from friends.

On one such trip, I was absolutely overjoyed and elated to see the free-standing GameStop closest to us came back! It was such a shock. Last year they definitely seemed to be closed and I'm sure they were no longer listed on the website. But a couple of weeks ago they were open, fully functional, and on the website again! I doubt anything else could have excited me as much, except a new free-standing Toys R Us in the States. I might actually cry for joy if such a thing were to ever happen again (which I doubt it will). I wish I could go to Canada and visit it there.

The GameStop had many Eevee things. A lot of them I already have, lol. But there were a handful of things I didn't have, and I got a cute Eevee figure to put away for my birthday. She looks like she'll be better in scale with my Radley doll than my talking Eevee (who will of course stay Radley's as well).

I also finally saw the sleeping plush. She is very cute! But more expensive than Amazon was last charging. I'm hoping Amazon will restock. I never thought I'd want a sleeping plush, but the Eevees are so darling. They're even more appealing since I'm playing Pokemon Sleep. I imagine that game is responsible for sales of the sleeping plush going through the ceiling lately. Although they've always seemed popular.

Even knowing what most things are, the anticipation of opening them is just as exciting as if I didn't know. Perhaps a little moreso, since I know I won't get disappointed (unless I was sent the wrong merch, which I certainly hope won't have happened). The crowning piece is the adorable Halloween Eevee statue. I have no idea where I'll put her, but I had to get her. It hurt so much not getting her last year. She's so precious. Even Pikachu in that line is trying to be scary, but Eevee is just too innocent and sweet and genuine for that and is just going "Yay! :D"

Stores always like to send me things for my birthday month too. Disney has sent their annual 20% discount, which I plan to save for combining with their free ship day this month. I haven't decided what I'll use it on yet. Possibilities are Kristoff doll (if he's still in stock), Isabela or Dolores plush (Mirabel is cheaper on Amazon and Luisa is here waiting for Tuesday), or maybe Eeyore. I always wanted an Eeyore. Or a really furry Tigger. I have my brother's, but he is not very furry so many years later.

I was so frustrated that I got distracted with the possibility of a Disney order right when I was trying to place my Pokemon Center order a couple of weeks ago. I was distracted so long that I missed out on the Flareon and Jolteon Sitting Cuties, and those are the only two Eevee family members I have no plushies of. I had no idea they'd sell out over the weekend. I was worried the Afternoon with Eevee figures would sell out that fast, but they stayed and the plushies vamoosed. Go figure. I should have really known all along the Pokemon Center order was what I wanted the most, considering I've had other chances to get those Disney items on other sales and have always decided I couldn't justify the cost, even with discounts.

Target will send me something on Tuesday. Last year it was 10% off something, which is barely anything at all. But I still put it to good use getting the 24 inch sitting Eevee. This year, I have my eye on the Eevee costume accessory set. We're finally getting a Target closer to us and it's supposed to open this month, but I don't have an exact day yet. It would be awesome if they have the set. Not all Targets carry it. It would be so fun to buy it in-store. There's something especially satisfying about getting a wanted item in-store and bringing it home right then. Although mail is certainly fun too.

I'm also heavily contemplating a three-foot cardboard Eevee stand-up from Party City. Of course, this is utterly ridiculous since I am not at all sure where I'd put it. But it's oh so tempting anyway.

The one other order I'm debating right now is at Macy's. Last year I saw a beautiful blue reindeer and was crushed I couldn't get it. I don't know why I forgot about it entirely until I saw it on Macy's site the other day. A special sale on her ends tomorrow and I've been debating getting her. I really want her, but I also really want the Eevee things and I can't have it all. I'm honestly leaning more towards the cardboard cut-out, but it seems so foolish to get that. I must decide quickly, as my discount on that also ends tomorrow.

Current Mood: hopeful

I have strange dreams.

This, of course, isn't unusual, either for people in general or for me in specific. My dreams seem to be far stranger than normal lately, though. Sometimes they are dreams of longing, of missing happier times. Other times, they are fandom-based and occasionally are worth writing fics of. Still others are about recurring locations.

One of my favorite recurring locations is the haunted house. I often dream that we live in one. Sometimes it's clearly the same house. Other times it's differently designed, yet still meant to be the same house.

I believe I've dreamed of haunted houses since we lived at the house before this. Usually those dreams involved evil spirits possessing the bedroom curtains and me being too terrified to be able to move or scream. I would fall and struggle to crawl away. Attempting to scream would produce no sound, as hard as I'd try.

There are times when I still dream things like that. Usually here, however, I dream of living in a haunted house that is much larger than this house. I have always longed to live in a huge house, mansion-size. The ghosts infest certain areas of the house and either will not let anyone be there at all or people can be there but feel constantly watched. Sometimes the ghosts get them lost in an endless labyrinth, unable to find the rooms and doors they started with.

Sometimes the dream houses are all jumbled up with reality. In today's dream, I had two different rooms, as I did at the old house, and I had to pick and choose what I had in each one. Most of my favorite things were in the room I slept in, while other things were tucked away in another room. For some reason, I was considering making this other room my main room. I think it was because the current main room was haunted or otherwise uncomfortable. Or maybe I just wanted a change. I was enjoying the other room a lot, but felt it too small for what I needed. Then I saw it seemed bigger than I'd thought. I was looking through some of the DVDs, books, and plushies in that room and finding a lot of interesting things I'd forgotten I had.

In another dream this past day, I had decided to attend a several-day camp event supposedly similar to ones I had refused to attend in my youth. I was always the odd one out. It was a huge thing in youth group, to go to camp. People would plan it for months and even have fundraisers to get money to go. I was about the only one who didn't want to. But because I was too nice to say I didn't want to or I had no interest, I came up with weird excuses that I thought might sound more plausible and acceptable. In the dream, I had stuff packed and people were coming to get me. It was the present-day and I was thinking it would be several days before I could get my new chapter up, and that was a shame because it was really almost finished. I didn't really want to leave everything for a week. I don't know why I was trying to go to the thing. When the people came, they told things I hadn't known before, such as that it was so dull up there that people would hang tacks on the wall as an activity. And even though there was a cabin, and there was snow outside, people were going to sleep outside in the snow in sleeping bags. That was the last straw and I backed out of it, even though I knew they'd be mad. One of the people was a youth group leader I miss most dearly in real-life. I was glad to get out of going.

Current Mood: contemplative

I'm tired.

I'm tired and sad and worn-down. But I have to keep dealing with the problems that are plaguing us and I have to be stretched thin trying to take care of everything and not having help with some of the problems.

My dad is practically blind. He needs help with all sorts of things. My mom has Alzheimer's and is very needy. She gets distressed if I'm not around, even just if I need to go into the basement for a bit to help Dad with something down there. It makes it very hard to get things done. There are a couple of others who are able to help Dad from time to time, but I'm about the only one who can help Mom. I have to dread each day wondering if I'm going to be mistaken for my aunt, my grandmother, or another version of myself. Any day when there isn't a distressing flip-out that takes ages to repair is something to celebrate. I've had to say goodbye to so many things we loved to do together that she doesn't like anymore. And the more I think about it, the more I think that the symptoms were starting to show years ago. I thought some of the things she said for years were extra strange, but it was only last year that it really became apparent what was happening.

I just wish we could all be happy again like we used to be, but I know that is highly unlikely to happen. Things have just been getting worse and worse in so many ways ever since 2019, at least. I can't stop longing for healing miracles, especially when we watch true stories like on It's a Miracle, but it doesn't seem like anything like that is in store. I just wonder why we can't have amazing healing miracles like those people have. Why aren't we good enough or deserving enough? Of course, there are no answers. I don't need to be preached at that life is full of trials, or that we're supposed to go through trials, yadda yadda. Why this trial in particular? What are we supposed to get out of it? What I get out of it is that Alzheimer's is Hell and I despise it with all of my heart and soul. And it kind of runs in the family. I'm terrified it may be my fate in the future. I don't want it! It is tragic to see an intelligent woman crumble like this. She used to spend hours writing letters and poems to cheer people up. Now most of her writing is devoted to letters to nonexistent people she's determined to deliver to real houses, or letters to real people about things that never happened. Why did God let this happen so she can't really serve Him anymore as she so loved to do? She touched so many lives for good. She could have done more.

I try to find escapes in online things, but I often find drama, unfriendliness, and story reviews dwindling close to nothing. I don't feel like I belong or am wanted most places, and the places where I do feel welcome enough aren't as active as I would like. I do have happiness talking and RPing with certain people, but those numbers have dwindled a bit too. What I do have means everything to me. I cling to the fictional characters' realities where things are happier than reality.

Retail therapy is still a thing for me. I have some more adorable Eevees now. I got the cute Tomy one, and the seller included two more plushies as extras! Popplio, whom I intended to get since she's Sandy's friend, and a tiny Eevee I have as the child of the Tomy one. I also bought Gigantimax Eevee.

I got the Pokemon Center's Christmas Eevee shortly before he sold out. I also found the autumn Eevee with pumpkin on my birthday. That was a special treat! Then Target finally got the sitting down 24 inch Eevee in stock again and I bought him. Those and finally getting to play Pokemon Go were the highlights of October. Most of the month was terrible.

I have three Eevee ornaments, the two Hallmark ones and one from the Pokemon Center. The latter is so heavy I was afraid it would fall off the tree, so I have her standing up on my filing cabinet. She and my other Eevees all brighten my days immensely. Their innocent faces are just precious.

I've needed to buy my own Christmas presents again this year. I've found a lot of lovely things for myself as well as my parents, and friends are starting to send awesome things too. It's hard to wait to open everything! Only two weeks to go. I pray desperately that Christmas can be nice and magical, like when I was a child, but I know the reality is that something will very likely go wrong, as it has on all holidays and my birthday lately, or the day right after.

Please, God, let us have a happy Christmas....

Current Mood: sad

I found this on the Tumblr blog Furious Goldfish. I bolded the things I feel/have felt.

Is my behaviour a symptom of abuse? Masterlist

Outside symptoms

Offering comfort and compassion while never receiving or asking
You’re hyper-independent and never ask for help
You downplay all the pain you felt thru your childhood
You’re so scared of failure it’s difficult to start anything
You struggle to take credit for things you did
You’ve can sense other people’s emotions as if they’re yours
You feel obliged to nurture, please and care for others
You struggle with chronic exhaustion and chronic pain
You don’t complain because ‘others have it worse’
You have the ability to endure everything to prove you’re strong
Living your life in fiction and Magical thinking
You had/have experiences with self harm
You’re scared to cut off toxic people from your life
Loud noises and figures of authority give you anxiety
Overtaking responsibility for everything
You feel compulsed to ‘act normal’ in every situation
You blame yourself for being stressed and procrastinating
You struggle with deep breathing, palpitations, overheating, dry mouth

Inside symptoms

Emotional symptoms of long term abuse
You have low self esteem and experience self-hatred
You feel that you need to be perfect, but others don’t have to
You crave approval from others very intensely
Anxiety while doing mundane tasks (cooking, cleaning, going out)
You don’t take happiness for granted, it scares you instead
You constantly feel pain and like ‘you need to get it together’
You’re afraid to feel your own emotions, you need a permission
You wish you had a physical evidence of abuse so it would count
You feel overwhelming guilt for things that happened to you
Confusing gaps in memory
You have cptsd symptoms
You struggle with intrusive thoughts and images
You’re always thinking ‘it wasn’t that bad’
You’re uncomfortable with being comforted
You feel as if you crave abuse
You have trauma symptoms from childhood abuse
You have a sense of foreshortened future
You believe a tougher life will make you stronger
You believe that everyone deserves compassion except you

Emotional symptoms of long term abuse:

You feel that you don’t have it that bad and that you just need to suck it up and endure it
You believe you’re exaggerating and dramatizing your pain, you’re probably fine and just faking it.
You don’t think you have any right to complain because there’s people who have it worse out there, and you should be grateful it’s not worse.
Someone thinking you’re in need of ‘saving’ gives you anxiety. You don’t want anyone to worry about you, or to seem like you’re in distress.
You feel like you’re pathetic for waiting for something to happen to make your life better.
You feel guilty and ashamed a lot of, or even most of the time.
You are disgusted by the idea of being seen as weak, spoiled, attention-seeking or a special snowflake. You’re secretly scared of being any or all of that.
You would endure as much as possible before asking for help or causing any concern.
You are always worried if someone will get angry at you, and if they do get angry, you feel it’s your fault and you deserved it.
You see other people’s struggles before anything else about them, and feel grateful you don’t have to deal with that on top of everything else.
You understand anyone who’s been misunderstood, quiet, outcast, or universally hated. You feel a connection with them almost instantly.
You’re ashamed of it but you long for approval so badly you’d go to any lengths to obtain it.
You don’t feel that you deserve love, or that it is even possible to love you.
Being judged, criticized, shamed, rejected or mocked hurts you on deep and even physical level. You don’t feel that you can bear it.
You are terrified of failure. You’re scared that you could actually be horrid and irredeemably bad at everything. It makes you so paralyzed you can’t even try things you could be bad at.
You hide your true desires because you feel they’re too much, you feel ashamed dreaming of being passionately loved or unconditionally accepted and adored. For you, these feel like unachieveable dreams.
You’re able to understand, defend, excuse, fight for, stand up for and adore anyone, but yourself. You feel that everyone else deserves more kindness, compassion, understanding, empathy and support, but you can’t feel this for yourself.

If 4 or more of these ring true for you, know that these are not just personality traits, they’re a results of long-term shredding of your own self worth, confidence, self-perception, perceived value in society. These beliefs are a result of grooming. Nobody who is raised/treated lovingly would ever believe any of these lies. If you feel this, you’ve been exposed to psychological and emotional abuse.

Current Mood: indescribable

This graphic I was shown today.... I can relate strongly to many of these. The overanalysis? Absolutely. Anyone who really knows me knows how I pick apart things fearing that I've done something wrong or that someone thinks I have. Terrified of dropping the mask? Oh yes. Online that isn't as much of an issue, but offline it is. Inability to share my feelings? Totally and completely, especially since I discovered that trying to tends to result in me being even more hurt. Self-doubt and questioning my worth? Yes. To some extent I relate to concerns that I'm overreacting too. Usually I find I wasn't concerned enough, instead of too much. Believing bad things will happen? Yes, although sadly and ironically enough, I'm also still stupid enough to keep thinking surely things will work out better this time and I stay in toxic situations far longer than I should because I keep foolishly believing there are ways to fix it.

I'm not sure what to make or feel about any of this. I'm damaged and I've known that for years. Relating to the graph feels like validation. But part of me thinks that there must be some other explanation when it's me, because of course my experiences haven't been as horrible as other people's, therefore, if anything I've been through was enough to traumatize me, it must mean I'm pathetic. And naturally, the very fact that I have such feelings must be further proof that I'm pretty damaged and that I've been made to feel very inadequate through the years. There are so many who try to lift me up, but the ones who emotionally stabbed me have really dug deep.

The worst blows, of course, are from people I trusted. Not my family, really, for the most part, but people I trusted almost as deeply. More than, in some cases. Although my brother gave me a lifelong hatred of being teased because of how he used to torment me. To this day I struggle with seeing teasing as good clean fun. For me it absolutely wasn't. I felt unrespected and disvalued. I don't think that was his intention, but that was the result. I dreaded being around him because 98% of the time, those negative experiences would result. No one really seemed to understand how upsetting it was to have things precious to me taken away or for me to get sat on. It was just "Oh, standard sibling teasing" and it wasn't supposed to be a big deal. It was a big deal. It affected me more deeply than other people, and whether that means I'm pathetic or not, I don't know.

Things that were upsetting to me were often treated as things no one should be upset about by non-family people I trusted implicitly. Tropes that distressed me to the point of agony or panic, like my hated way of dying, were mocked and treated like a joke and like no one else would be upset by it. If I was upset because of unkind things being said and said that was something that made me cry, I was laughed at. The reason why I'd get so upset was because I feared it meant the person wouldn't want anything more to do with me and would leave. That has often been the root of my distress. I don't know why I had that fear, but I did and still do. My default is still to think that if someone gets upset, they're going to leave. I know that is stupid. Although sometimes it really has happened.

Feeling inadequate extends to pretty much every aspect of what I do. Radley went through some horrible things in my verses: seeing torture, experiencing torture, feeling abandoned and left to die alone, really dying, having a terrifying out of body experience.... But it seems like other characters have had worse and that my attempts to write trauma are meager and that Radley shouldn't fall apart the way he does when triggered since the other characters who have been through even worse don't. To me it feels logical that he would not handle it well when he never had a chance to recover from what he went through before being pulled into other things. But I feel so inadequate compared to the other characters and that I must be doing it wrong since everyone else's characters are different. Maybe a lot of the others have larger than life situations while Radley's is more grounded in reality by comparison. I don't know.

I think the inadequacy is why I'm so hungry for reviews. I like to be told I did something good. Maybe I need to be told. I like it to be public for everyone to see it said. When I don't get reviews, I take it to mean that what I wrote wasn't good enough to warrant a review. It's not reasonable and in most cases is likely not true. But I don't know how to make myself not feel that way.

I could certainly be paranoid at least sometimes. But the problem with paranoia is that in many cases, the person really did experience what they fear and the paranoia is the fear of it happening again. Sometimes it does. I get told things aren't about me when I overanalyze and worry, but then it often looks like they really are and it wasn't paranoia at all.

I would love to be able to get therapy. But even if my insurance would cover it, I would be afraid to do it. Mom would worry about me for feeling I needed it, and Dad would just scoff that I don't need it. There's enough upheaval in our lives as it is. I don't want to make more.

Sigh.

Current Mood: indescribable

I had unusual dreams worth writing down:

There was some kind of dark creepy RP or something I was looking at, where there was a cult sacrificing people. It said if someone was sacrificed and revived, they might find parts of themselves?! Apparently they would revive in a new body because the old one had been damaged. I refused to allow Radley to be a victim. He was around and terrified, though.

I had to get more mysterious stains off my white Radley shirt, which is something that happens in real-life and is aggravating.

I was looking at some old Great Illustrated Classics, which was a line of abridged classics for kids. I found one that to my utter shock was a crossover with Andy Griffith and YGO 5Ds. The storyline was something about Andy Taylor having a daughter or maybe a granddaughter and I guess he was dying and unable to care for her, and apparently he wanted Radley to be her guardian. So the main plot was whether Radley will do that or not. The Bunch was in it too, and Radley was stricter with them than he seems to be in canon (locking them out of I guess the diner because of their rowdy behavior getting out of hand?!), but I was just beyond ecstatic to find actual published merchandise with Radley and I was thrilled with the illustrations and such. I also turned up what seemed to be a movie version, called Blue Moon.

It was very hard waking up from that and realizing it was just a dream.

I don't know why I didn't discuss this in the entry from June 24th, but on June 15th I tried again for my driver's license and I finally got it! It was such an amazing, incredible relief and divine blessing, as I desperately needed the license in order to help the family. There was a much nicer guy who went with me that time, and apparently the guy I'd had back in March has a reputation for strictness, as this one said, "Don't worry, I'm not as strict as that guy." He was so nice and personable and helped me to relax better. He also said he lives here in town, and I kind of think I may have seen him at Walmart a time or two! I'm not positive, but he did look familiar.

Since more stress was building up on the drives in to get the license, we decided the best thing was for someone else to drive me in so I could focus all my energy on the test. My sister drove us in, and I am very grateful, as I'm sure that helped reduce the stress enough that I could pass the test. But it was disappointing that she had to get right back, so I couldn't do anything to celebrate. I still haven't really had the celebration I wanted, as I'd wanted to go out with both Mom and Dad to do it and that just hasn't happened.

I've driven alone three times, and while the first time was fun, the second time was more tense. The third was okay. I think I prefer having company.

The Scottish Festival was finally attendable again this year, but unfortunately, a lot of things went wrong that I do not care to discuss (in connection with the serious real-life problems going on that I also do not care to discuss here). It was extremely disappointing and a let-down that it couldn't be enjoyed as it always has been before. In addition to that, many of my favorite booths either did not come or brought very little stock that interested me. I barely found anything that appealed to me.

My best celebratory efforts were in the Easter Eevee I bought the night before the driver's test, as well as the two bought afterwards. I got the cute winking Eevee and then saw a wonderful deal on the 24 inch Eevee and tried to snag it. The seller refused to respond to either me or Mercari and wouldn't ship. I don't know what happened. The seller has a history of cancelling orders. I don't know why Mercari doesn't boot her. After scouring the Internet high and low for days, I caved and bought the big Eevee on Amazon with my gift cards and Zip. I am so happy to have him! Normally I do not buy something this expensive ($58.99 plus tax, with $16 covered by gift cards), but occasionally I have. I remember my Captain Tarpals and Kaadu Star Wars figures were $50. My Monkees Bears set was $40. My Yami Bakura figure was $64. My Marik was $80, but he was paid for entirely with gift cards, as was my Nintendo 2Ds. I also bought all of Cannon, with most covered by gift cards. None of those purchases have been regretted. This one hasn't either! I'm so happy to have him. I fell in love with him in February and thought I could never have him.

I'm taking a break from buying things for now to get everybody paid off. My Eevee sitting like a person will be paid off in full by tomorrow! The Easter Eevee has one more payment. Then it's just paying off the big one. I still want the other Easter Eevee, if I can get an official one. I found a lot of bootlegs popping up. I'm lucky the one I have is the official one. The bootlegs do not look right. There's also a precious Tomy Eevee standing and looking up adorably. Most of the ones turning up seem to have much-loved fur and I want a newer one. There's one on eBay a little more than I'd wanted to pay, but I might cave on that if it's still there once I have a free slot for merchandise again.

Great Eastern finally made Nack in their Sonic plushies line and he's sold out almost everywhere and more expensive than I'd wanted to pay for him too. I do want to get him, though, albeit I wish the company would actually use fur. I think they still don't.

Then I want the Encanto doll set Jakks Pacific did that includes Luisa and Antonio. I think that set is the only way to get them, and Luisa is my favorite character. Mirabel (my second favorite) and Isabel have other doll releases. The price has gone up $10 since Walmart had it in stock before! Aurgh!

Current Mood: okay

Got into

victory_road as Radley. It's a very cute game set in the Pokemon verse! That caused a plunnie explosion and I decided to further explore my past concept of both shows in the same verse. I just put up chapter 1 of a fic.

Very annoyed at Nintendo taking away eShop access for portable devices next year. I bought a couple of games, including Pokemon Crystal. It's very nice, very liberating, even, to finally play a Pokemon game! I'm breeding Eevees. They're so cute! I have three so far, all male. (I have to use a Ditto mommy.) I'm hoping I can get a female eventually too. I've always loved them, but I got obsessed with them after having Radley get one as a starter. I chose Eevee because the Espeon evolution looks like Ruby Carbuncle, one of Radley's cards.

I'm watching some of Pokemon Master Journeys to see Chloe's Eevee. There have been others on the show, of course, but I'm not sure any others have gotten an actual arc about them! I hope she will end up deciding not to evolve. I love the evolved forms, but I also love the original form. The way the story arc is set up, I kind of suspect that she will not ever evolve even if eventually she gains the ability to do so. I would like to see another Pokemon like Pikachu who doesn't even really want to evolve because she's happy with herself.

I decided that when Team Rocket only appears to do villainous things and we don't see character development for them, I prefer them not being there. I enjoyed a couple of Master Journeys episodes without them just fine. Although that could be because I'm so intently involved in the Chloe arc. I still love the episodes where we see better sides of them, although I am pretty confused by their twisted morals. So they get upset at the thought of taking away people's special memories in that amnesia scheme from Alola, but they think it's okay to steal people's Pokemon so all they're left with all their memories?! I kind of think and hope that if they actually did succeed in taking someone's special Pokemon for a while and then saw them all sad and heartbroken, they would feel so guilty they'd bring the Pokemon back. When we see their good sides, it kind of seems like that's something that could be the case. Maybe I'll write such a fic sometime.

Still driving, and have actually been on the freeway repeatedly! That is really huge for me. I bought a Glaceon plush at GameStop yesterday. I also got an Espeon from Mercari. It's an interesting online shopping place. I think the sellers there seem more often like fans able to identify official plushies from bootlegs. There are lots of bootlegs that have crept onto Amazon, and maybe eBay too.

Current Mood: excited

Haven't felt like writing for months. There's been a lot of upsetting things happening in real-life and online both, and I've preferred discussing both good and bad things in private with friends.

I had a lot of fun buying my own presents in October, at least, including elements of my Radley costume. I am very happy with it. I like to dress as him and record various songs trying to sing as him, which is interesting. It's hard to sing with anything resembling a male voice, but it helps that his dub voice isn't terribly low and my normal speaking voice isn't terribly high. I haven't done it for a while, but there are other songs I want to try.

Also bought most of my own Christmas presents aside from stuff friends sent. Dad wrapped some of them so I'd have more to unwrap. It was a very nice Christmas. I got Disney dolls of Raya, Sisu (I love the movie, mostly!), Ariel (also finally saw that and love it too), and Frozen 2 Elsa. I still don't like the ending of the movie, but I do love her final attire. I also got some fun plushies on QVC, and I used a birthday gift card to buy an adorable Christmas tree plush from Build-a-Bear. His name is Bob, because really, what else are you going to name a happy little tree?

I got a huge basket of yummy goodies from one sister and some nice things like a diffuser from another. I love the concept of it, although I don't much like the scent of lavender. It comes with lavender scent to put in it. I want to see if I can find other scents too.

Azalea542 sent a cool musical Frozen watch and a Boba Fett pin. Ladyamberjo and Lisa sent lovely gift cards and I had some fun Amazon spending sprees. I have most of the 5Ds manga now, except for #1, which has decided to be elusive new. Aurgh. Aside from preferring new in general, I especially want new here to be sure I get the card that comes with it. I also got some DVDs.

MoonlightTyger sent a wonderful cap and a Boba Fett plush (so soft!), and Tales of the Abyss! I'm very relieved it plays on my 2DS. I've played up to where Natalia joins the party so far. It is a very fun game aside from the boss battle against Arietta. Such a relief to finally conquer that! It's always interesting when a property has a sheltered character like Luke. While I can't fully relate to Luke's specific situation, I was quite sheltered most of my childhood. I was very sick for some years and there was also a lot of unfair prejudice going around about our family which caused a lot of backlash on me. Some of the neighborhood kids weren't allowed to associate much with me and the ones that were allowed didn't get to play as much as I wanted. So I mostly played with Mom through those years. It wasn't until I was becoming a teen that I started really having in-depth friendships with people where we'd talk a lot and have conflicts and the like. So I wasn't always good at associating with people, although I tried to learn quickly and even fake it sometimes. Of course, I still mess up and I'm also such a weird person that a lot of people get turned off by my different interests in characters and topics. Some things never do change. People can be very cruel and unkind when someone goes against the norm, whatever the norm happens to be. Anyway, point being, I like when there are sheltered characters in things.

The Book of Boba Fett makes me very happy. Disney is continuing to fulfill my 30 year old dream. I far prefer their Boba to the often cold and ruthless portrayals from some of the old 1990s books. I never wanted to see him that way. Since canon (and by canon I only mean the movies, as the books were never absolute canon to me) was so vague about him, I felt like people could see him as anything they wanted and it wouldn't go against canon. While I don't agree with Disney on a lot of their decisions, I am so thrilled with how they're handling Boba. I hope the TV series will end satisfyingly. I kind of suspect it will, though, and how it will end.

Just finished a fic today and am planning for the next one. I set up for it at the end of this one.

I'm still getting commissions. I'm waiting on one now. It's impossible for me to resist a good deal on beautiful art of characters I love, especially when it's being made especially for me!

I'm also finally advancing on my doll project. I can't remember if I discussed getting one for Radley's friend Scotch. I also just got one to be the one I call Biff. I'm looking into some more right now. I love the My Scene dolls. They're taller than the ones I have for Radley and Kalin, but the heads align, which is the main thing I'm concerned about. I'll probably end up having all of the boy My Scene dolls before the project is through, and multiples of characters with vastly different hair in releases, like River, who can hence play two or three Bunch members.

I have three Kalin and Radley doujinshis. I love them very much. There are others out there, but I haven't got my hands on physical copies yet.

I've been making a lot of home-cooked meals lately, as with my various problems with food this past year I've needed to do my own versions of them. I've made lots of waffles and enjoy it quite a bit. I also discovered I can make chili. Yum. And while most fake cheese just doesn't cut it, I do like the kinds that Morningstar and Daiya use in their meals. Daiya makes it with garbanzo beans! They've started selling it separately and I've been making pizzas with it.

I'm driving again, which is extremely momentous for me. Unlike before, I'm actually enjoying it and not crippled by fear. I honestly believe God has always used YGO to improve my life. YGO Classic caused me to learn how to write and draw far better and make many friends, some of whom are still friends. Because of my love of Radley in 5Ds, I started wanting to ride a motorcycle. But you have to have a regular driver's license first. So I finally felt ready to try again after the traumatizing experience I had years ago. I got my learner's permit and have been driving since October. I will be trying for the full license soon. I prayed and prayed for years on help conquering my fear of driving and nothing worked until Radley came along. Thank You, God.

Current Mood: okay

On Saturday I was over the moon!

( Cut for Mandalorian spoilers )

I had to watch that episode as soon as I learned about it, of course. I've been waiting to see if anything would be worth starting up the Disney+ subscription again, at least for a month or so, and this most certainly qualified. I pounced on it, then starting watching The Clone Wars. I missed out on that when Netflix had it, so I'd better get my fill this month. I can probably only keep Disney+ for this month. I should also try to see some DuckTales episodes. I don't have the elusive volume 4 DVD set, and it went out of print shortly after it was released, aurgh. Disney probably won't release it again because they'll figure people should just stream it on Disney+. Some people prefer physical discs!

I was not in a good mood when I started this entry, but I hoped writing about the squee would make me happy again. So far it's worked. It's hard to stay upset when writing about something that kept me on cloud 9 all that day. I was squeeing so much, I couldn't settle down to work on my fic for hours.

It's so disappointing this year that Dollar Tree doesn't have much in the way of decent DVDs. Usually they have great stuff at Christmastime, if only then. I've found anime, Scooby-Doo, and neat DC movies and TV episodes in the past. Almost everything they've had this year is lame. There was one nice Christmas movie, just a couple of DC things that didn't interest me, maybe a couple of interesting nature documentaries, and maybe a few nice things for the little kiddies, and otherwise it's second-rate trash that nobody much wants to buy. (Seriously, there are DVDs that kick around for years at Dollar Tree.)

I saw a Looney Tunes Christmas shirt last week that was kind of cute and appealed to me, with Bugs, Daffy, Wile E., and Taz in Christmas clothes. I considered getting it, but didn't, and I've had one or two dreams with the characters since then. I don't really want it that much, though, even though I like Wile E. Give me Disney any day over Looney Tunes (although some of the old Disney shorts are rather mean-spirited too).

I really kind of want those re-issues of The Real Ghostbusters figures for Christmas, but they're almost $15 for one, so I know Dad wouldn't want to get them. Plus, figures from the movie are out right now too, and ten to one he'd get confused and might get the wrong thing. The cartoon figures were almost all gone again tonight too. I considered getting one with some cash of Mom's and then having her keep it until Christmas, but I don't really want to do that. It seems ridiculous to have to buy my own presents, even if I'd be using her money instead of mine. The only Egon left had a grease mark too. Looking on eBay, he seems to be the hardest to get too. That figures.

At least someone was finally at the fabric counter while there was black cotton to be cut. I'll make Kalin's clothes this week, probably.

Current Mood: okay

Someone on YouTube is apparently familiar with me from years before and told me I'm a legend. They also used the goat emoticon, which I learned can be an acronym for "Greatest of All Time." That absolutely bowled me over. It's still so surreal and hard to believe that anyone could feel like that about me. It certainly gave me a much-needed emotional boost. I've been struggling a lot again lately with emotional stress and some bouts of self-hatred.

I finally got approved for Medicaid, thank God! I've been calling places to direct them to Medicaid for billing. I still have another I'll need to call on Monday. This is certainly an immense burden eased. It also looks like the hospital bill I racked up wasn't anywhere near $8,000 like we were told? But we still couldn't have afforded it.

I finished watching the first 64 episodes of YGO 5Ds, on YouTube. I don't normally tear through a show's episodes that quickly, but I was hooked and could hardly put it down. I decided I should watch the episodes before buying them, and they are officially available online. I probably will buy the DVD set, though, because Earthbound Immortals is so good and very rewatchable! I already want to see some of them again!

Most of it is good and rewatchable, anyway. For the life of me I don't understand why a wonderfully dark and serious arc was interrupted by Luna's extended trip to the Duel Monsters world. They could have done those episodes to better fit in with the tone of the arc, but instead it had to be ridiculous with stupid monkey lackeys of the villain, and the villain himself wasn't what I expected. Neither was the human villain in the real world, Devack. With all the other Dark Signers, we know who they are and what they're upset about. Then Devack comes along and we're never told anything about him and it's like "... Why do we care what happens to him?" It seems like a serious oversight when every other Dark Signer has a masterfully thought-out backstory. I do love the sibling squee in those episodes, but otherwise I feel like I went to kiddie land for four episodes. It's so out of place with the intensity of the arc. I was rather bored by that part in the Duel Links event version I encountered first, too. In the original YGO, weirdness like that would have only happened in virtual reality.

On the upside, I really love how this show handles emotions and emotional trauma. At first I did not like Akiza, but then they slowly developed her and brought out her horrible past in a way that finally by episode 40, everything made sense and she was one of the most realistic and complex characters! She also had a setback then when her beloved mentor seemed to have been killed. (And ugggh, her mentor is a real piece of work. Horrible guy. He ranks among the few characters in anything I absolutely detest.) I wonder a bit if the writers took inspiration from Mai in season 4 of classic YGO. Some things seemed a little similar, like how Akiza lashed out at Yusei when he was not to blame for anything that happened to her. They also do this emotional exploration with Yusei, having him shaken for a long time about Kalin turning against him, and with Kalin himself when he comes back to himself and realizes all the horrible things he did unjustly. They even do some pretty great development with Officer Trudge when he finally starts to see the good things about Satellite and then gets thrown into a position where he has to protect kids. He starts out just being a creep who uses his badge to bully people, but then he somehow ends up lovable. I love it, I love these characters, I just still hate what happens to Domino City!

I don't like that Yusei's Satellite friends disappear from the show for the most part now, until they appear again at the ending. It's like Yusei doesn't be with them anymore now that he's part of team 5Ds.

Crow is awesome. Something about him reminds me of Zack Fair from FF7, and that really comes out even more during the Earthbound Immortals finale.

It's really a shame the dub didn't do all the episodes. I haven't decided yet what I'll do with the next arc, which is, I think, mostly filler. I probably will watch Kalin's redemption arc again. It has some kind of silly things in it too, like the guns that unfold into Duel Disks. LOL. It's obvious Crash Town is a Western parody from start to finish. But whatever's silly in it still isn't anywhere as bad as those Duel Monster world episodes.

Crash Town must be pretty close to Domino City, since Sector Security apparently has law enforcement jurisdiction. They seem to be exclusively a Domino police force. It's probably like with the LAPD, where their jurisdiction extends to some of the nearby rural and mountain areas. It's nice to think Kalin must still be close by. Also, I think the dub improved on not having people die in the mines, because if they died, that prompts the disturbing question as to whether Kalin caused anyone to get sent there who ended up dying from the horrible conditions. I think Kalin has enough to feel horrible about without adding something like that! I also prefer the dub having the idolizing kids' dad live. I really hate having him die in the original, when the kids were trying so hard to save him. I think I'm going to headcanon that he lived in the original too. He fell, but I don't think we saw him hit bottom. Maybe he landed on an outcropping and was later rescued, injured but alive, as in the dub. Maybe after I finish the fic I'm doing, I'll write one where he's talking to Kalin while he recovers.

EDIT: Another thing I meant to add was that Crash Town has nothing supernatural in it. Hence, the deaths (in the Japanese) are real. I prefer not having that kind of reality in an anime that usually has supernatural problems. I really loved in Earthbound Immortals that even Greiger's village was able to be restored because it was destroyed by supernatural means and the people taken to power up the Earthbound Immortals. Anyone taken for that can be restored when the things are defeated. That's so much nicer than reality. I'm sick of reality, I'm sick of real deaths ... bring on the supernatural anime problems, please!

I did finally get the YGO fic rolling where Lector encounters Kalin. Eventually it decided to become my original cross idea of seeing whether a dimensional rift could have opened during Zero Reverse and swallowed the YGO classic characters I figured disappeared. I also decided that if Mokuba was lost, Seto closed himself off and didn't care anymore about anything, and he wasn't responsible for the totalitarian mess Domino became. The fic has been catching some attention, even a reviewer on AO3 (a rare thing for me), so that's certainly been nice. I hope any 5Ds fans reading won't be disappointed. I want to highlight what I like about both series, but I have to point out the strange things about 5Ds that don't make sense and try to make sense of them.

I also started making the Kalin plushie. I probably got his hair too long, but it's a lot longer in his redemption arc. I haven't been able to get black cloth to make his clothes yet. No one's ever at the fabric counter and when I ring for them they don't come. And of course, the one time someone was around, there was no black cloth left for them to cut for me! Aurgh!

I wrote prompts for every day for Whumptober and Comfortember, making a huge, connected fic about the Big Five being tortured by Yami Marik and trying to recover from it. I'm really pleased with it. I'm especially pleased I actually wrote for each day in Comfortember, as some of those prompts weren't plunnying me so much. But somehow it all came together.

I got another tablet since the Amazon one has been bothering my eyes so much and the DigiLand has been acting weird and also couldn't update Duel Links anymore. Walmart had an amazing deal on their Onn tablet for $28, so I snapped that up. It's been great.

Current Mood: okay

I finally got to do my birthday outing, but as I'd figured, I didn't find anything I wanted other than a plushie base, and a nice patriotic shirt when I exchanged a pair of pants. Target was sold out of everything I like to buy there! Aurgh! But I did decide, while looking at a small Disney Store Mickey Mouse that cost $23, that I was going to buy the 25 inch one on Amazon. I got him that night and he arrived two days later thanks to my Prime trial, which they offered to extend for another month. He is sooo soft, both the fur and the huggability. I love him! I keep him on the bed.

I also finally got Build-a-Bear's tuxedo cat to be Oreo. They understuffed her, as usual, and I don't know when I'll be able to fix it since I'm not comfortable going into the store with her right now and I don't trust myself to do it. But she's adorable! Definitely the most Oreo-looking plushie I've ever found.

For Halloween, I put down paper towel on our wall and then put spaced-out candy. We got more kids this year than we have in a while. Go figure. I guess with no trunk or treats, they go back to traditional methods.

I immediately felt like getting Christmassy the day after Halloween and I turned on the small trees. On Monday we got lights for the big tree, since some were about to burn out on it (and immediately did when I turned it on, oy). The new lights are gorgeous. Instead of the cheap brands we usually buy, these are GE. Love it!

I wrote the YGO fic with Nesbitt being tricked into accepting the Orichalcos. I'm just finishing it now. It didn't work to extend it very long due to his unique circumstances and also the fact that I rarely like writing duels, but I like how it came out. Very heartbreaking and very squeeful and I use a lot of my personal feelings and struggles with self-hatred in how I write for Nesbitt. At the end, the problem isn't gone, but he's starting to heal thanks to his friends.

I'm kind of obsessed with the 5Ds character Kalin Kessler. He is a pretty horrible person even before the dark force gets him, and then he completely turns his life around after he's freed. It feels very vindicating. People would tell me I was writing characters wrong if their personalities became different when they wanted to repent. Kalin is a canon example showing it happening. I think his redemption arc was very well-done. I play him a lot in Duel Links. I want to make a plushie of him, and I might use my current plushie base for that. I even sought out some nice, soft material I could use for his hair. I found the right color and everything. Problem is, I could only buy it in a set of a yard and a half for over $8. Oy! The things I do for my crafting projects....

(I also bought a talking Charmander. I wanted him for my birthday, but they sold out, and they just finally got a couple this past week. One disappeared right away and I decided I'd better buy the other instead of waiting to try asking for him for Christmas.)

I also actually want to buy 5Ds. I've seen enough of it to know that I want to see more, and I would prefer to just get the DVDs and watch it that way instead of streaming the episodes on my tablets. I still hate the setting of Domino in the future, but I just love the characters and that's what sells it for me.

Duel Links added Zexal. A lot of fans of it have wanted it, apparently. I honestly think it looks very childish compared to the first three YGO series (yes, even GX). The characters seem to be younger and their cards are out of this world ridiculous. Zubababancho Gagagacoat?! How can anyone take a name like that seriously?! **headdesk.** Maybe someday Duel Links will introduce a character or event that will interest me, like they finally did for both GX and 5Ds, but somehow I doubt I will ever be that intrigued overall. With GX, I love Jesse Anderson and will play as him sometimes, and I'll play as Tyranno only because David Wills voices him, but GX just doesn't enchant me overall. The setting of a duel school is still preposterous and I just can't seem to get invested in the adventures. They're either too slice-of-life, which I can't get behind when I'm not invested in the characters, or too dark. 5Ds, on the other hand, grabbed me with the Dark Signer arc and Carly Carmine, and then I got invested in all the characters and their adventures. Somehow, in spite of the setting of a ruined Domino City and the nonsense of Turbo Duels, it feels like a better follow-up to classic YGO, storyline-wise. (On the other hand, GX still uses familiar cards, which felt so good to see after watching 5Ds. But I was seriously underwhelmed by the GX Paradox Brothers episodes. Not epic like the classic series at all.)

Current Mood: tired

It has been extremely stressful almost from the time I last wrote anything here. I discovered the worst pain I have ever had in my life, which seems to have been caused by rupturing ovarian cysts, and I'm still trying to get my body back to normal. There's other cysts that may or may not be cancerous, although the doctor doesn't really think they are. He didn't even see the ultrasound pictures, though! He just read the hospital's report! We're waiting to see if the blasted things shrink on their own while I try some natural remedies and foods that are supposed to help. The doctor doesn't think food has anything to do with it, but I've found that my problems and the pain seem to pivot around foods. I've mostly felt a lot better and I discovered standing and walking are very helpful. I racked up a horrific bill just from the tests they did and I'm trying to qualify for Medicaid. I just thought everything was okay and now they seem to be demanding I redo all the information again?! WTH?! Aurgh! I tried to call them on Friday but couldn't get anyone and I'll have to try again tomorrow.

My birthday was peaceful, at least, but low-key. I still haven't had my outing. We were hoping to try for this coming week, but now we have a new house problem to deal with, as our bathroom light fixture decided to bork and now we have to light it with nightlights. We've been having so many house problems the last few months, mostly plumbing but also some electric issues. Our water pressure is horrendous. It's been wrecked ever since the city forced new pipes on everyone last year, and it's gotten worse for us in the last several months.

To compensate for no outing, I bought a lot of things online to have for my birthday. It was fun, but it doesn't take the place of physically visiting a store. It's the whole experience that's so fun, not just buying things. Although the irony is that I likely wouldn't be able to find much of anything I want in a physical store. It seems like what I want is either cheaper online or only available online.

Some other, more minor stressful things happened the past week, but because of my emotional state dealing with my health problems they tipped me over the edge. It's ironic and frustrating that I really try so hard to control myself online, but the few times I just can't take it anymore I get branded as some kind of horrible thing. Also ironic is that while they're thinking how awful I am, I'm emotionally tearing myself to pieces for weeks afterward because I said or did something that hurt someone. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and have for years. I've never been officially diagnosed, but reading up on the symptoms certainly matches my states of mind when I go into those ways and I fully believe I have an anxiety disorder. I would love to talk to a therapist, but we can't afford that either. And I certainly can't think about that when we're not sure the Medicaid went through. If I can really qualify for ongoing Medicaid and not just temporary, maybe then I can consider a therapist. I only really realized how badly I needed one two and a half years ago when I sank into a really bad depression and self-loathing state. A friend who is a therapist in another state really helped me a lot to be able to pull out of it. If only she lived here. I had a small-scale setback into such a state this past week because of those stressful things and what happened because of them. That friend plus other friends have been helping me pull out of it again and helping me see that I'm not the scum of the earth, which is how I was feeling.

I also lapsed into another frantic "Buy, buy, buy!" mode this past week, like I did in April when the lockdown started. Apparently that's going to be a thing with me now and I've developed full-blown retail therapy problems when under extreme stress. Although at least I'm not buying up everything under the sun; I still study things out for days to get what I really want. This round I wanted YGO things and I bought an official YGO coloring book and one of the Scholastic character guides, this one focusing on the villains. I wish I'd known about all these wonderful YGO things Scholastic put out at the time. I was looking and looking for things like that and could never find them. Apparently they did a whole line of character guides in 2006. I wonder why they waited until then. That was when the show ended!

I wrote all of the Whumptober prompts into a connected storyline and am posting them. I was delayed for several days when the worst of my physical pains were happening, but I've got back on track and am posting on the correct days again. I'm trying to do the Comfortember ones too, but they aren't plunnying me as much, so I'm not sure I'll do all of them. But I don't have any other story ideas other than expanding one of Nesbitt's hallucinations into a full fic really happening and taking place in another verse, so I want to keep trying. I love to write and feel like to not be able to is to lock part of my soul away.

The hallucination I want to expand is for Dartz to trick Nesbitt into using the Orichalcos. For some reason I've been wanting to write a storyline similar to Mai's season 4 arc. I don't know why, really, because that was gut-wrenching. But I finally figured out how to work it in a way I like. Nesbitt is feeling horrible because of his weakness in almost abandoning the others in Noa's world, so Dartz preys on that and tells him the Orichalcos will make him strong. In Nesbitt's state of mind, he believes that and thinks it will help him be a better friend, so he accepts it and then it corrupts him. He has no idea about soul-stealing or swallowing the world with a giant sea snake until after it corrupts him, which seemed to be the same with Mai in canon. In the dub, at least, Dartz most certainly doesn't tell her any of those things until she agrees to accept it. You can see in her face that the corruption is instantaneous. Very chilling.

As much as I love and adore Lector and have given him some of my personality traits in how I write for him, I really went to town with Nesbitt and base him on me even more. His insecurities, his struggles with his weaknesses, blurting things out he shouldn't and beating himself up over it, his asexuality, is all based on me. In the Japanese he doesn't seem to have some of his issues, like wanting to pretend he's a machine, so I deliberately write him based on the dub version because I find his manias so interesting and a writing goldmine. I do, however, use his Japanese backstory in how Seto treats him, which was even more appalling than in the dub. He tells Nesbitt not to get underfoot when the new engineer arrives, aurgh. So cruel when Nesbitt was the top engineer! (And semi-related, I read a short fic on Crump based on the Japanese version where Seto said something horrible to him when he brought the idea of a penguin sanctuary and theme park, something about crushing Crump like a soda can if he didn't drop the idea?! If that was really what he said in the Japanese, horrible! And of course, Seto learned all that kind of behavior from Gozaburo. So sickening how Gozaburo poisoned that once-innocent mind.) Honestly, aside from them letting Pegasus take Mokuba, I'm more on the Big Five's side than Seto's, up to the point where they first start messing with virtual reality. As horrible as Seto treated them, that wasn't justified. I wish the dub hadn't inserted a murder plot in season 1 that didn't exist. I can't even watch that episode in the original dub anymore because that sickens me so. I always watch it in the uncut dub instead. I'm glad that was one of the few episodes that made it into the uncut dub.

I'm still getting pictures from ElfBean. Her latest is from my fic where Lector is a vigilante and I just adore it so much!

I feel like drawing a picture of Lector laying on his bed in his dress shirt and pants and tie, looking up at the ceiling. Usually it's Nesbitt I depict without his suitcoat, but after an RP scene I feel like I really want to show Lector like that too, squeee. He would look amazing! (Of course, he always looks amazing, heh.)

I had a really awesome and fun dream the other day about playing a video game where the player is interacting with the Big Five. Their memories have been mysteriously wiped and the goal is to help them find something they're looking for and restore their memories. It would work great as a visual novel type game, and apparently there are sites where people can make games like that without years of programming lessons! I definitely want to try it out! I have the sprites from the Nightmare Troubadour game that would be perfect to use in it! They looked so amazing in that game!

This is the checklist of everything I've bought for my birthday and a bit afterwards:

- Set of the first four Anna & Elsa chapter books set after the first Frozen
- The most recent Frozen 5 Minute Stories collection, the red cover one
- Frozen Blu-Ray and DVD combo (if we ever get a Blu-Ray, I can see all the cool bonus content!)
- Star Wars Qui-Gon Jinn 12 inch figure
- Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi from episode 1 12 inch figure
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Twisted Nightmares double deck set of Yami Bakura and Yami Marik (sooo awesome and perfect for my Yami Bakura memorabilia collection! There's a game mat with characters on it, and Skill cards with them on them, and cards at the beginning of the decks with them on them.)
- Halloween face mask that says Trick or Treat in an eerie font, perfect to use with my recycled Yami Bakura costume this year
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Chaos coloring book
- Yu-Gi-Oh! uncut dub volume 2, The Insector Combo (the only volume of uncut I don't have, and I finally decided I wanted it)
- Yu-Gi-Oh! character guide to villains
- Autumn socks

Current Mood: okay

So thankfully, we didn't really need a new modem. Something was wrong outside. A technician came out and fixed it! Things have been fine since then.

I rented Frozen 2 on Amazon, as per Crystal's suggestion, and watched it three times during the rental period. My feelings are ... mixed. I still don't like the ending. I don't think it had to be that way. But ... aside from the ending, I found it a beautiful film and I loved the songs. It was a much higher quality film than the Wreck-It Ralph sequel, as I expected and hoped.

The reasons why I have problems with the ending are as follows.

1, Elsa's powers separated her and Anna for most of their lives. They had only had three years together finally bonding again before the Frozen 2 ending separated them again. At least they're going to visit, but it's not the same.

2, It's Anna's mother and culture too, and she should also get to explore and learn about the past. Of course, somebody has to watch Arendelle, but I think it would have been much more satisfying if Elsa and Anna stayed a bit to learn about their mother and mother's family and Elsa learned more about her powers and then they both went back to Arendelle. Maybe Anna could still be queen so Elsa could be "free," but Elsa would mostly live in Arendelle and travel to the forest when she felt like it or if there was trouble. The four spirits are the guardians of the forest, so it doesn't seem like Elsa has to be there. Elsa does seem to have an adventurous side, understandable when she was cooped up so long, afraid of her powers. But that shouldn't have to equate living apart from Anna.

3, One reviewer on YouTube commented that she thought Elsa had to live in the forest so she could unleash her full powers without hurting anyone. That would just be sad if that's the reason. And it goes back to what I said about her learning to control them even better while there, but not having to stay there. Elsa does love the forest and seems more at home there than in the city, but then that's because the writers wanted it that way. Maybe some of the fans would have different images of Elsa or feel like she would be happy in the city getting to be with Anna and not be afraid of harming her. Or maybe everyone decides to move Arendelle closer to the forest so everyone can be more connected to each other. That would have been satisfying too. But basically, Elsa learning the full scope of her powers should really make her feel free, and how would it make her feel free if she has to live apart from the city for fear of harming them with said powers? That is not a happy ending. Of course, it's just that reviewer's opinion that that's why Elsa decides to live in the forest. I don't think that was what Disney intended.

Really, though, the original Frozen had the perfect ending already: Elsa learning how to start controlling her powers and the kingdom realizing she isn't a monster and them all being accepting and happy together.

All that said, the Show Yourself sequence is just incredible and my favorite part of the sequel. And I thought Olaf's sequel song was better and funnier than In Summer. I liked that they toned down Olaf falling apart. Waaay too overdone in the first film. I think I loved all the songs in Frozen 2, whereas in the original I was enthusiastic about maybe three or four. Frozen 2 was also less crude. So ... a mixed bag. But definitely worth seeing. I'll probably want to own it someday. I definitely want the soundtrack.

I've thought a lot lately about how much I can relate to Elsa on some things. I love both girls, but I definitely find Elsa the most relatable, struggling with herself and what she is and worrying about concealing her true self. (And also relating to having a bit of an adventurous side, although at the same time I wouldn't be comfortable doing anything risky, heh.) I know a lot of lesbians gravitate to her and wish that Disney would make her a lesbian, but I wish Disney would make her asexual. :) Oh, one of my favorite lines in Frozen 2 is in the childhood flashback. Anna is obsessed with romance and Elsa's reaction is, "Anna, kissing won't save the forest!" ROTFLOL. I love it. I would love to have a Show Yourself moment and finally feel free to reveal my complete self to everyone.

Gansley did indeed come on the day I was thinking he would! It's pretty awesome to have all five members of the Big 5 in G. I. Joe form now. I wish I could think of stories to act out with them, heh. Mostly I play with them by picking them up and moving them around. There are lots of cute hugs with Lector and Nesbitt.

(Also on that day, which was Dad's birthday, my brother wanted to get him a birthday dinner. He ordered KFC. Yuuum! I'm having a lot of trouble with tomato intolerance, which is really frustrating me lately. Of course, the most upsetting thing is when it affects my pizza intake. I'm considering having fried chicken for my birthday this year.)

The price of the Wreck-It Ralph Elsa and Anna dolls finally came down on Amazon, so I bought them with a gift card. They came on Monday. They're slightly disproportionate, sadly, and hollow plastic instead of solid, but they're very cute and I'm happy to get them at last. It's fun seeing them in modern clothes. LOL, Anna's shirt has a sandwich.

And my three-foot Elsa arrived on Friday! It was an amazing day and really felt like Christmas, heee. I woke up just before the delivery and was able to immediately get her inside. I needed more sleep, so I got her out of the mailing box and brought her into my room. I thought I'd be too excited to sleep, but I finally dozed off, and I had an amazing dream, one of the haunted house dreams I have such fun with. And it plunnied me for a fic at last! I hope I'll be able to develop a whole plot from it. I'm thinking that Noa buys a house because he wants a big one for him and his mother to live in. But weird things start happening and they end up calling the Big Five and Yugi and company for help. Then they have to try to solve the mystery of what happened in the house and why the ghosts are angry. I suppose that unlike Evangeline's house, which will always have some mysteries, I'll need to try to solve this one. My house dreams never do solve the mysteries, though. Lol. There's lots of wandering through all the rooms, and there's bedrooms with all of the past tenants' stuff and the feeling of ghosts lingering and being angry. In the dreams I always want to take some of the neat stuff and use it myself, but I never feel free to because of the eerie feeling. This dream had a huge bathroom with spa and a room with a stage, and rooms filled with stored furniture that felt haunted. And all of this stuff was on the basement level. Usually it's higher levels.

I probably won't try buying much of anything for a while, except a picture here and there by ElfBean. I'm pretty happy right now and want to play with all the lovely things, hee. I feel like I've been having my birthday shopping spree since April.

I finally finished my interview fic and got it all posted. I hope it looks alright. Johnson's was the hardest for me. He's my least favorite member and it's the most difficult to get into his mind.

I also kept being pestered by my original Purple Avenger plunnie, where Lector becomes a vigilante because he feels betrayed and abandoned by his friends. I finally had to pen it, and I wrote it as taking place in another verse. But it's a misunderstanding created by Dartz, who was hoping someone would give into their inner darkness. Everything gets resolved and there is squee.

Frozen 2 also provided plunnies. I love the line in Kristoff's song "You're my True North, because without you I am lost in the woods." I had to adapt the line for a squee scene with Lector and Nesbitt. It may or may not be part of my next mystery fic. It looks fine as a stand-alone, but I know I get a bigger audience for the ensemble fics. I'm not sure it fits the tone of this upcoming house fic, though. So I'm still thinking about placement for that.

Then Anna's heartbreaking song The Next Right Thing, where she thinks Elsa is dead, provided inspiration and I had to draw a heartbreaking picture: http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com I'm planning to color it, but haven't yet.

I also want to draw Lector swinging on his grappling hook as the Purple Avenger. I love that concept of Lector as a vigilante way too much.

Current Mood: tired

I decided that instead of a blog, I would do a vlog. http://www.youtube.com/user/luckyladybug66/videos I've thought for a long time that I would love talking to a camera, and I do.

I've documented all of my adventures with my Big Five G. I. Joes there and don't feel like recounting it all here, but if anyone just wants to see the current progress, I put up a picture on dA: http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com

A few things I discovered:

- I got the right paint. Moccasin Brown by Anita's creates a beautiful, very Lector skin color, just as I'd hoped.
- It is possible to paint an entire figure tan without making a huge mess.
- I can sew for 12 inch scale.
- Socks are hard.
- I hate sewing tops with sleeves in any scale.
- I think my purple piece of cotton is cursed, at least when it comes to making tops for Lector. Both for the plushie and the figure, the tops fought me at every turn and all manner of things went wrong, moreso than for any other top I've made for anyone. The pants, on the other hand, went swimmingly. (But maybe that was just to lure me into a false sense of security!)

I've been so occupied with crafting projects that I haven't felt too inspired for the current fic, one involving Siegfried. That, and I wasn't in a hurt/comfort mood due to exhaustion from the Zorc fic. But the other day I had a hurt/comfort dream where Mom and I did a role-play that included Crump being thought dead and Lector trying to be strong and then breaking down in front of Nesbitt and Johnson, who were so worried. (I don't know where Gansley was.) I woke up in a hurt/comfort mood again at last, although that may or may not help this particular fic. I'm still having a hard time fully remembering why I liked Siegfried so much, although I think part of it was that I got such a kick out of him deliberately being obnoxious and loving it. I'm planning to develop him with this fic, which should be fun, and it may or may not have some Christmas in July elements.

I always love Christmas in July on QVC, but I've been even more excited for it this year. They had an event last weekend to kick things off even though it wasn't July yet and I ate it up. I also got excited, as I always do, and wanted to buy something. Every year they have these cute walking animals. Last year they had penguins, but they sold out before I even got to see them. I thought sure they'd be back this year. They weren't, but there are some cute parrots. I've been tempted to buy them, but since I really wanted the penguins the most, I tried to find them and found one on eBay. I may get him, since I can't find any anywhere else. Wow, they really did sell out. There's no trace of them on any website that sells this line of plushies.

I'm also continuing figure hunting. Still looking for the perfect Gansley and Johnson. I found a perfect Crump, an apparently rare variant of a figure, but he's so expensive I can never have him. **cries.** I know I'll never find a better Crump. For Johnson, I'll probably have to go with the head sculpt I originally intended, as nothing else is even halfway like him. The face just doesn't quite sell me, but the hair style is right, and maybe with glasses he'll look better.

There are other Barbie and Star Wars characters I want too. I was following a Qui-Gon auction, but thanks to loud neighbors and horrific insomnia before sleep returned at last, I missed it by minutes. (Aurgh!) Thankfully, she relisted. And a new Mace Windu popped up, a little cheaper than the one I'd been looking at. The seller immediately sent me a private offer to get him for $10 and shipping. I wasn't passing that up! I felt really bad I couldn't accept a private offer I was sent for a two-figure lot of episode 1 Obi-Wan and Dengar, but I couldn't drop that much money in one place right now. But I didn't officially accept or deny the offer because I kept waffling and wishing I could get it right up to when it expired.

The holiday was pretty blah, but I expected that, and I have to say, it was way better than last year's 4th, when I didn't even get to have a pizza. I had one now. I've been getting Walmart's Rising Crust pizzas and they're a good substitute for Little Caesar's until I feel comfortable buying from them or any restaurant again. We also watched some inspiring One Step Beyond episodes, including a nice one about George Washington, so that felt good and patriotic. I also recorded Yankee Doodle Dandy, since our copy had thirty minutes edited out for commercial room (!!!). Hopefully we can watch that soon. We also saw lots of fireworks from the house. I still don't like letting everybody set off professional grade fireworks, but they are fun to watch ... when they don't get too close to the house. Every year, there's always some that do. That is a terrifying experience.

31 Days released their new prompts, but I didn't see them until now because I was too busy to drop in. The past day's prompt, the book and movie title Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, intrigued me the most on the list. I have been fascinated by that title like you wouldn't believe ever since I first learned of its existence years ago. I don't know that the book and movie would be my thing, but taking the title as a prompt and creating a story based around what it says to me sounds like a blast. A title like that could mean so many things. I tend to think of it in a religious light. And of course, I'd like it to involve Lector and Nesbitt. Maybe by Amnesty Day at the end of the month I'll have figured out what I can do with it.

Current Mood: contemplative

Just like with October, many things went wrong during the Christmas season. Seriously, WTH? Most of it I don't feel like talking about or it's too private to talk about, but one thing (more minor than other things) was the Rockapella concert being postponed at the last minute because they got snowed in. And even though they were supposed to reschedule the next week, nothing has been done yet. I don't blame the band, but I am angry at whoever is delaying this. We paid for a Christmas concert, and now we can't have it. I've never seen their full Christmas concert, but I've seen several of their regular concerts. I still want to go, but this is very disappointing. I thought I would finally get to see their full Christmas concert. Both I and others have wanted them to make it a Christmas concert no matter what month it gets rescheduled to, since that's what we paid for, but I know very well that won't happen. Probably the most we could hope for is that they'll sing one Christmas song to be good sports. And of course I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to miss their Christmas concerts, but I can't help feeling angry and bitter that our concert was the only one that got cancelled because of the snow-in, even though another state's concert was the very next day. I know it's one of those things, but I'm mad anyway. It feels like a personal slap in the face by whatever likes to mess things up.

I'd rather talk about more positive things. I finally got on the Frozen bandwagon, because of all things, Dad saw part of it while baby-sitting great-grandchildren and he liked it and wanted to see it all. LOL. I think he was mostly fascinated by the CGI, because advances in technology like that have always intrigued him. Me too. But so we all saw it and I think he liked it. Mom and I loved it. So lovely to see a movie that turns tropes like love at first sight on their heads and sibling squee saving the day! Walmart had a gigantic 2 foot Olaf plush for only $15, and later $10! I wanted it, and got that for Christmas, as well as dolls of Elsa and Anna from Disney. I like the faces Disney did better than Hasbro's, although I'm surprised by the rubbery legs. While at Disney, I saw they also had plushies that are about 18 or 20 inches for only $12 each, so I got those since I didn't feel like I could ask for them after asking for dolls. I love how soft they are!

I haven't seen the sequel yet, but ( Read more... )

I actually liked Once Upon a Time's explanation for Elsa's powers better, where her aunt had the powers too and she apparently inherited them. Yes, I finally watched Once's Frozen arc, as Netflix got Once and after seeing Frozen, I couldn't resist seeing the characters live-action. Olaf was a glaring omission, though. I don't remember what I read of why they didn't include him. And of course, some things in the Once version were horrifying and traumatizing material, both for the characters and the viewers! It's so understandable why Ingrid got so messed-up in the head, after accidentally killing one sister and then the other sister immediately turning against her instead of realizing no one would be hurting more than Ingrid herself. I was happy that the arc ended with Ingrid getting a happy ending too.

Of course, I did not like seeing Rumpel in that arc. The writers really messed him up after how far he'd come in the first half of season 3, and I will never not be upset at that. I had to watch his season 3 sacrifice after I finished the arc to get the bad taste out of my mouth. I still consider that all of the show I consider canon ends there, although I love Elsa and Emma's friendship and would like to picture that a different version of the Frozen arc happens after my headcanon for the show diverges after Rumpel's sacrifice.

Along those lines, I had my usual thing of being sad to think that the characters would be dead now and wanted to bring them into the present to live, lol. I thought of a storyline similar to Twilight and Dawn, where Hans decides to embrace magical things to help him get what he wants and finds a spell that takes all of Arendelle to the present-day, and then there are big companies instead of kingdoms. LOL. But unlike Twilight and Dawn (or Once, which came afterwards ... hmmm, I really wonder if the creators read my stories ...), the characters show up with their memories intact, because it would be amusing to see them suddenly faced with modern technology and try to figure out how to use it. LOL. I don't know that I would really write the story, but I like picturing it as my headcanon after the shorts, anyway. I doubt I'll want Frozen II to be canon to me. I had a funny idea of Anna learning to drive and freaking Elsa out. I might buy the Wreck-It Ralph II dolls of Elsa and Anna in modern pajamas, because I definitely get a kick out of the characters in modern clothes. I already wanted the Belle from that line. I don't know if Walmart will reduce the price of the Frozen dolls, though. Some of the other sets in that line have got lowered prices now, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Frozen ones stay full-price.

I also wonder when Frozen actually does take place. I had developed this whole headcanon that it's around 1910 or 1920, because the characters from other lands are dressed similarly to the clothes in The Student Prince, which takes place around 1915. But I was watching a video on YouTube where the person thinks it's 1840 and seemed to be claiming that it's officially shown to be that in Frozen Fever. That's depressing to me because I was pretty set on my headcanon where it's more recent than that, lol.

Also, since 2017 I've been amazed by this resurgence of interest in Bob Ross. I used to watch The Joy of Painting all the time as a kid, and I think I still have an episode or two recorded, but I'd forgotten all about it and Bob Ross and couldn't remember who he was when I saw the parent of one of my church activity girls happy that she had chosen to do a school report on Bob Ross. Then I saw the Art of Chill game at Target and started seeing Bob everywhere. I finally looked him up and then I remembered! Lately I've been watching some episodes on Netflix. It's very relaxing and calming, and the pictures are just gorgeous. As an artist myself, I'm thoroughly fascinated by his techniques and how he paints such beautiful things in thirty minutes! I just love how cute he is about animals and saying things like he wants to paint more than one tree so the tree will have a friend. I almost wonder if that's where I got my obsession about nothing being alone, at least to some extent. I still have that; if I take the second to last can from a case, I often move the one remaining can to another case so it won't be alone. **headdesk.** I know it's illogical behavior, but I feel better to engage in it and it's harmless. I also love Bob ending each episode saying "God bless."

I've been toying with getting a plush of him that Walmart has. I probably will. And I just learned that there's another plush, more expensive, that Funko made. I am not a Funko fan, honestly, but this plush actually looks cute to me. They have one of Mr. Rogers in the same line, too.

I'm also watching Mystery, Inc. on Netflix. I really feel like it's too dark for Scooby-Doo, and I can't stand Velma's behavior of trying to force a relationship with Shaggy and unfairly bossing him around. If she really loved him, she'd love him for who he is. I can't imagine any other Velma being interested in him that way, though. And I think any other Velma would denounce the illogical behavior the Mystery, Inc. Velma displays. She barely has the traits that make Velma awesome. I don't really like Daphne being so ga-ga over Fred, either, and Fred being such an idiot. Shaggy and Scooby are the only ones who act like they're supposed to. I think characterization gets better later, though, and that these romantic messes don't persist through the whole series, so I want to keep watching because I'm intrigued by the overarching mystery. I might get some nice YGO plunnies from it.

I'm still writing Big Five fics and enjoying it. I'm doing a hurt/comfort one right now of Lector missing in a snowstorm.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: O Holy Night---The 4 Seasons

Been getting some nice writing done and stories completed. Can't remember if I ever talked about the desire to write one where Lector is a vigilante in town, but the urge to do that kept coming back and I finally figured out a way to write that story the way I wanted it and it ended up bringing in the manga-verse characters again. Right now I'm starting one about the Big Five having ancestors in Atlantis who ran from the final battle and have been considered cowards, but it's finally learned that they ran because they were getting Critias's younger brother to safety, and that the Kaiba family line comes through the brother they helped to escape.

I was able to start that RP on Tumblr I was talking about, and it's a lot of fun. I'm starting to get the urge and plan to do some hurt/comfort at some point in it. I'll have to run it past my RP partner.

I've been getting more Big Five commissions from ElfBean. Six now, and I have many more ideas. I'm just so in love with her work! It's torture having to wait to get more while I accumulate more money, lol.

We did our annual re-watch of creepy Wild Wild West episodes for Halloween time, including The Night of the Tottering Tontine. I like that episode, and yet I don't like its And Then There Were None plot set-up, because I don't like seeing so many characters get killed off left and right. A couple of the deaths particularly upset me, and for the last couple of years I've toyed with a fic that while they're all waiting to be freed from the house they're trapped in, they discover that those people are still alive but badly hurt and in need of medical attention. It would be a nice and suspenseful hurt/comfort fic. Problem is, if I bring back two of the characters, then I also feel bad for the other one who died needlessly while they were trapped. Yet if I revive all of them I imagine it would look ridiculous. Plus there was one other character who didn't deserve death who died at the very beginning of the episode. I feel bad for him too. So I don't know if I ever actually will write the fic.

Lots of the events last month that I was hoping would be awesome didn't really go the way I was hoping they would. I try to just focus on the good parts and move on, as they weren't total busts and some elements were really great and fun, but it is disheartening when things just don't work out the way one dreams of. October is my favorite month, and I feel like I just didn't get to enjoy it to the fullest extent. I'm really hoping Thanksgiving and the Rockapella concert and Christmas will work out nicely, but I'm rather skeptical at this point, especially since there's sickness traveling around the house and it can hang on for a long time when it comes. I'm desperately hoping I won't catch it, but who knows. I still don't have my ticket for the concert, and since they're non-refundable I don't even know whether to try getting one yet in case I might get sick and not be able to go anyway.

I did get an amazing $15 off coupon for Build-a-Bear, and even though they once again screwed me over for the birthday gift they promised to send, I doubted that would have been better than that coupon. (The gift has only been $5 in the past.) I decided to either get a Pokemon or a Pony, and with the series ending this year, I thought I should get a Pony since it might be the last time I could. The choice was between Rainbow Dash and Cheerilee, and although beforehand I had decided I would probably get Cheerilee, I ended up deciding I wanted Rainbow Dash at the store. It just felt like the right time. I got her and no regrets. She's certainly not my favorite character still, but she has her moments, and her design is gorgeous in any case.

I have mixed feelings about the series finale. I am so relieved that it ended with everyone still alive and friends, but I can't deny being annoyed that Twilight has to rule apart from her friends. The royal seat was moved at least once, when Celestia took it to Canterlot, so there's no real reason why Twilight couldn't have moved it again and ruled from her castle in Ponyville. As I see it, the only reason they did the ending the way they did was to show that friends can be friends even if they're apart. Which is certainly a good lesson and all, but it feels like everybody wants to teach that lesson these days, even if it doesn't fit the particular world for characters to leave (Ralph Breaks the Internet, I'm looking at you).

I made a Target order as my birthday gift to myself and finally got my Farrah Fawcett figure and Sailor Moon shirt. And a belated birthday present for JP. They were running a Buy 2, Get One Free DVD sale, so I also got the 1980s My Little Pony movie and was able to add the G3 Pony Christmas special as the free one. I have to admit, while I like the 1980s TV show, I didn't like the movie much. The TV show had villains and situations I could take seriously, but the villains were so goofy in the movie and some of their songs so ridiculous that I couldn't take the Smooze problem seriously even though one was supposed to. There were some scenes I liked, but overall, I have to say, the G4 Pony movie was way better.

The G3 special, on the other hand ... it was so sweet and felt very pure. One thing I love about most Christmas things is that even if they don't want to do anything overtly religious, most of them teach worthwhile lessons about kindness and unselfishness. The G3 special was full of those things. Minty accidentally broke the beacon that leads Santa to their town, so she was afraid she'd ruined Christmas for everyone. She didn't once think about herself, and instead tried to think what she could do to save it for everyone. She decided to give her treasured socks as gifts to them. Then, when she decided that wasn't good enough on its own, she determined to fly a balloon to the North Pole to give Santa directions to their town. A Pony afraid of clouds went after her when she realized, and then all the other Ponies went after them. They could have been mad, but they realized breaking the thing was an accident and they were just so worried to get Minty and Thistle Whistle home safe. There were some suspenseful bits, and things did get a little cheesy with the Ponies' love for each other creating a new beacon to guide Santa there, but I can totally deal with that kind of cheese. LOL. It was so very sweet. It reminded me of Lalaloopsy, which always seems to show the characters helping each other during day to day crises. I want to see more G3 things. People who don't like G3 because there aren't save the world level crises are missing out.

I've been interested in Scooby-Doo this autumn. The figures got re-released and I didn't want to miss out on them this time. I got them all and have seen some of the movies and assorted series' episodes here and there. I really enjoy the movies, honestly. As much as I loved What's New, Scooby-Doo? when I watched it in first-run, I think some of these movies have the characters more IC. Fred was portrayed as an idiot so often in What's New, sigh. And I'm not sure what to think of Velma fangirling so often, even though it's cute enough (and I of course can relate; I'm just not sure it works for that particular character). All of these recent things seem to make the characters livelier than in the old 1970s series, though. They often seemed more like one-note cookie-cutter characters back then, but the re-envisionings in recent years give some of them more personality. I also saw the trailer for the Scoob movie next year and it looks really cute. I love what it shows of how Shaggy and Scooby first met!

I also saw the new Sonic trailer. The redesign of Sonic is beautiful and Jim Carrey as Eggman looks like fun. I'm hopeful and anxious for the movie now. I wonder if it depicts their first encounter, since Tails doesn't seem to be in it and he wasn't in the first game.

Thanks to Netflix, I finally saw both of the theatrical Grinch movies. There were pros and cons for both, and maybe I'll elaborate in another post, but overall my feeling is that the movie from last year is the best and most magical. Both movies tried to humanize the Grinch, and I liked that, but I don't like how cartoony and shallow the Whos felt in the live-action film (nor did I like the Grinch's disgusting habits there). It's funny that they all felt more real in the animated film. I was surprised there wasn't a lot of crude humor in that, when Illumination made it. It was just lovely. And they weren't afraid to use religious Christmas carols, with lyrics!

I've been enjoying the next batch of Carmen Sandiego episodes on Netflix. I hope there will be more. I found both Zack and Ivy really annoying in this incarnation, but Ivy has started to develop more and I love that. I hope Zack will develop more too. One character I haven't been able to like is Graham. He seems nice enough with amnesia, but since he was ready to kill Carmen with his memories, despite their past as dear friends and surrogate siblings, to me he's a ticking timebomb. If he regains his memories and is horrified at what he was with V.I.L.E. and wants to be different, then I'll probably like him. But for the time being, when I don't know what he'll be like if his memories return, I just don't. I certainly feel for Carmen still remembering the good times they had, though. I can't get enough of this series.

Current Mood: calm

On the 2nd we went to an open house. They've been building ten new houses near us and they allowed everyone to tour them before the families moved in. It's a company called Self-Help Homes; I think the deal is that whoever is moving in does a lot of the building themselves. It was mentioned that food would be provided, but not what. I looked up what's usually served at real estate open houses and turned up cake, so that's all I was expecting and wasn't surprised when we got there and found some. We didn't make it in time for the opening ceremonies, though, so it was probably announced there that they'd be serving an actual dinner after the house tours. While we were touring, I saw that getting set up and heard some of the other people talking about that. It was awesome to get dinner, especially after 90 minutes of walking! A hamburger with cheese, a hot dog, all kinds of toppings, Doritos, ice water, and giant chocolate chip cookies! Yuuuum!

The houses were all gorgeous. My favorite ones had huge bathrooms with the toilets off to themselves in nooks. One house even had a giant walk-in closet with a light off the bathroom! It was epic.

The weird thing is, while we were touring I kept having intense Sonic the Hedgehog nostalgia and thinking about getting that Amy Rose plush. Something about the touring or the houses or the time of day or the way the sun was coming in or all of the above was making me remember something Sonic-related, but I couldn't remember what and I still can't. It may have been a memory of around ten years ago when I was on a big Sonic kick in late summer. Or it could be a memory of when I got my first Sonic game set in July 2001, but that was a cloudy day, so I don't think so. In any case, it was very nice but also very strange. Maybe it was a memory of being into Sonic while taking those driving classes years ago, but I don't know what new houses would have to do with that. I don't know what new houses have to do with any of my Sonic memories, honestly. LOL. Maybe being on a Sonic kick and listening to the Sonic Adventure 2 soundtrack on our way to my childhood friend's wedding reception in her big backyard? I don't know. Maybe it's even as simple as the new houses being for families, and that reminding me of when I was a kid and just newly getting enthused with Sonic. It wouldn't explain the specific Amy Rose association, though. Then there's the thought that maybe I was associating the houses with anime, like Sailor Moon, and thinking about those characters' families, and how I got into anime in summer, and thinking of Sonic since it's also a Japanese property and I have many summer memories of Sonic....

I did finally get my gift card and order the Amy plush, and I got the last one. I was worried wondering if there was really one left or if I'd get a message that she wasn't available after all, but she was there and shipped and I got her the day before I needed to cancel the Prime trial, the 11th. She's so cute, and gorgeous, and so soft! Her dress is soft too. It's so hilarious that I would actually end up wanting an Amy plush, but realizing she didn't act out nearly as much as I'd thought really helped, because she was so cute and sweet in the episodes I was watching, and tough when she needed to be (not when she didn't need to be). I also like that sometimes she's kind of a voice of reason; when Knuckles flips out she usually stays logical. (Of course, then sometimes she's illogical herself at other times, heh. But I guess she's a pretty well-rounded character.) I love characters who are voices of reason; that's one reason why I love Gansley so much. (And I love Marc Thompson's voice for him in season 3; I could listen to that for ages. Help, I have a crush on a 60-year-old man (who isn't someone I've watched in stuff at various ages)! How did that even happen? Lol. I keep remembering this Charlie's Angels episode where Sabrina has a crush on a 60-year-old man because she loves his intelligence, and Jill and Kelly keep giggling about it. Of course, I certainly don't like the way Gansley acts with Yugi and Atem in their duel, but what I don't think people tend to realize is that if I write for a character for a long time, sometimes I end up falling in love with the version of them that I'm writing. Gansley is repentant in my post-canon verse, and combining that with his voice and being one of the logical ones of the group, well ... squeee. (And I think his "happy" sprite in Nightmare Troubadour is adorable.) Same thing with Nesbitt, minus him being one of the logical ones, lol. But I really love the way I've developed him in my post-canon verse. It's really those versions I'm crushing on, not what we see in canon where they're displaying such repugnant behavior ... although I do feel sorry for Nesbitt, especially considering his backstory in the original Japanese, and of course I love Gansley's canonical logical behavior trying to look after the others. Team Dad Gansley is adorable both in canon and in my verse, I have to say. Johnson doesn't seem to have any good qualities in canon unless he cares about the others, and Crump is so repulsive with his dirty-minded behavior towards Tea and Serenity in the original Japanese. The dub thankfully removes that, but he's still repulsively sadistic and I really don't have a lot of sympathy for him in either version. I do like the versions of him and Johnson I write for, though. I didn't think anyone except Lector was even deserving of a second chance until I re-watched the episodes enough to pick up nuances and realized that they seemed to care about each other. Then I really wanted to save them all.)

I was worried wondering if they'd even get any more Amy plushies in, as then it was saying "Unavailable. We don't know if or when this item will be back in stock." But I checked again and it said she'd be back in stock this week, so that's good. I have never seen something like this. All of these Sonic plushies are so popular and in demand, and they keep flying off the shelves almost as fast as Amazon can put them back! That should tell Sega that people still want quality Sonic merchandise. It's so hard to find Sonic stuff in stores right now and it's so frustrating. I love that I was able to get a shirt at ShopKo before they closed. I still feel a little sad that I didn't get another one I saw, but I didn't have much money and it was white and long-sleeved. I don't really like white for shirts because it gets dirty so fast, and I only wear long sleeves in public and in cooler weather, so I figured that shirt might not even get much use for a while. It was definitely more practical not to get it, but I still feel a little sad, especially when it's so very hard to find Sonic stuff.

I have to admit, in spite of the silly rivalry with Mario, it seems to me like Mario is clearly the winner in merchandise and almost always has been. There was a time when Sonic figures were around and more interesting than Nintendo figures, though, but that's long past. And there's a book about Mario that's readily available, while The History of Sonic book was never easily obtainable and went out of print before I could save up enough to get it. Sigh. I miss the days when Sonic stuff was easier to get and so plentiful. Even though the non-Boom ban is over, it seems like companies aren't getting back on track very quickly. Boom really ruined the merchandise scene and it's never recovered.

Then I have the problem that I love these Sonic plushies so much that I ... really want the actual Sonic one. The thought of petting a Sonic with minky-like fur just sounds glorious. But I think I'd feel more guilty getting another Sonic plush than I would for almost any other character, because my classic Sonic plush was such a close companion of mine as a kid, probably my favorite Christmas gift ever, and I never really wanted another Sonic plush because I was so happy with him. I know the plush isn't really alive, but it's really hard to think in logical terms like that, especially for someone sentimental like me who kind of wonders if the inner life idea could be true. Plushies and figures and dolls are alive to me, because in Jessie from Toy Story's words, "that's how they [the kids] see you [the toys]." I try to rationalize it by saying I have classic Sonic and why not get modern Sonic; they're different so it's not a betrayal of the classic plush; it would be nice to have a Sonic without felt spikes, etc. We'll see which side of my mind wins out.

The 4th was ... probably about the worst holiday I've ever spent. As a normal day it was okay, but as a holiday it was really lame. Two wonderful things happened, though: I reached the Big Five arc in my game that day and I got to role-play with Crystal. After that, the day went downhill and didn't stop. We didn't do anything as a family to celebrate and I wasn't even able to get a pizza. (I did finally get one next week after the Scottish Festival, though.)

The Festival was fun and we got to see the band The Fire again, which was awesome. I was a little sad they didn't do a full hour concert like they usually do (it was 45 minutes instead), but I guess they were worn-out from the heat. It was so hot, ugh. Although I don't think it was as bad as last year, where it was so stuffy it was hard to even breathe.

I wanted to find a pendant with a purple gem or rock so I could think of the amethyst ring I gave Lector in my fics, but I couldn't find anything like that. The jewelry shop I like so much didn't come this year, for some reason. The new store I liked so much last year was back, though, and they had some raw amethyst samples that were really tempting. But I really wanted something to wear and I didn't have much money, so I ended up not getting one of those.

It has been a really busy month. Most of this past week has been taken up with preparations for my sister getting re-married, and then the wedding was on Friday. Outside. In 97 degree temperatures. GAH. But at least it was at a beautiful place and there was some shade. The reception was pretty awesome. Most receptions around here only do dessert, but they did a meal! Cheese sandwiches and crackers and cheese squares and potato rolls and punch and nuts and M&M's and vegetable trays and gigantic pieces of cake ... ! Paradise! And on the way home I found the My Little Pony Bubbles at Target! This is G1 Bubbles, not G4 Bubbles. This Bubbles is yellow with blue hair, one of the two sitting down Ponies. I've wanted her for a long time. I hope I can find her friend Seashell too, because it would be too sad not to have her BFF. Plus, she's also really pretty, lavender with turquoise hair.

This week may be busy too; I'm desperately hoping we can have fun on our local holiday, especially since the 4th was such a bust as far as doing fun family things to celebrate.

And I finally beat the Nightmare Troubadour game, after many struggles against Yami Marik! I have to admit I oddly enough didn't have too much trouble with the other odd or difficult duels in the game. No one else really seemed to be on Yami Marik's level. I kept getting trounced to the point of utter frustration and aggravation, especially since I thought he was the final barrier keeping me from getting back to the Big Five. Finally some Internet searches brought up some advice and a gameplay video with good strategies I was able to use and I beat him. It was especially hard because I had to defeat him with Obelisk, and he kept destroying my monsters before I could get him on the field, and occasionally when I did get him on the field, Yami Marik did something else to make me lose, like play Ring of Destruction after already whittling down my lifepoints with Lava Golem.

Then when I finally beat Yami Marik, I found I wasn't at level 20 and I had to be at level 20 to see the Big Five again. I was just barely at 19. So there was some frantic dueling to level up, and occasionally a Rare Hunter or Yami Bakura showed up and screwed up my EXP. I love Yami Bakura and any other time I would have been happy to see him, but not when he ruined the EXP I'd got from Seto by causing me to lose before I'd saved again. He showed up a couple of other times and I beat him those times, so then he helped me get EXP. (I don't get any when I lose.)

It's been a delight to play against the Big Five again! I don't like that apparently I can only duel them in a row and have to start over if I lose to any of them, but at least I get to see them again in some way. I don't like that the game made it sound like they're possibly holographic projections, but I'll just insist they're real and this is their new job, lol.

I'm finally wrapping up my multi-chapter fic. I ended up feeling really badly for Pegasus, as through this fic and other ones of mine, he's seen or heard about characters getting second chances and yet he can't have Cecelia back. I don't even like Pegasus that much (mainly because of how flippant he acted about all the horrible things he did, even after he supposedly repented), but I felt like I was slapping him in the face and it just didn't seem fair, like that everyone is allowed back except Cecelia. (Of course, there are other characters who stay dead, but I don't think any case other than Cecelia's involves a loved one so unable to deal with the death as Pegasus is.) So I've set up a situation where Shadi's taking him on a quest that may bring Cecelia back. I was going to end the epilogue with them reuniting, but now I wonder if I should leave things with him on the quest and possibly have the next fic with more of the cast ending up on the quest too and having that be an adventure fic. Maybe it should be the one I've wanted to do for so long with the Big Five having to take Capsule Monsters trials. I'll think about it. That could take focus away from Pegasus, but I'm really not sure I could write a fic with him as a central character. It took me years to finish Until You Find Answers, mainly because I couldn't get into Pegasus's mind and was dreading his chapter so much.

Current Mood: contemplative

It's been a strange month. Most of the rest of May was filled with misery. I thought I'd recorded this past misadventure somewhere, but I can't find it. About nine, ten years ago or maybe even more, I got in a way where I couldn't look at screen for very long and I'd have to take long breaks of just closing my eyes and resting them. Back then, simple reading glasses fixed it. This May, it hit me again and, after remembering when I had the problem before and that it was probably my eyes again, I tried the same solution. But stronger yet still simple readers wouldn't fix it. After a good eye exam, I was given a prescription for special reading glasses. They cost over $100, gah. But they have certainly helped! The first day I had them, I used them for a little bit and they definitely healed the trouble. I've been able to go about things mostly normally since then.

(However, my Amazon tablet seems to hurt my eyes more than my black tablet does. WTH. I thought it was my imagination at first, but now I have the glasses and the same thing happens on the Amazon tablet even with them, while I'm fine on the black tablet. Ugh. There's another solution or two I can try for the Amazon tablet that Ladyamberjo showed me, but if those don't work I'm not sure what to do. I hate to think I won't be able to use that tablet anymore.)

I decided the Nintendo 2DS was what I wanted most, shopping-wise, and another version became available, the one with Mario Maker. I got that and have been having fun with it. I also bought a couple of Sonic games in the eShop, the Game Gear ones with Nack the Weasel! Squeeee. And I finally got a good copy of Nightmare Troubadour using another Amazon gift card. I've been playing it this past week. Still haven't got to the juicy Big Five or Rare Hunter stuff yet, but I'm desperately hoping it's almost time. More duelists are gradually showing up, so surely we're about to get into the real plot.

Having the gaming system has sent me tripping through most of the game series I've had an interest in through the years. I've been bouncing back and forth between Sonic and Megaman, especially. I couldn't find any Megaman games I wanted that were compatible with my system, but I decided to look for a ROM of Megaman and Bass, which I wanted so desperately before. It hasn't been re-released and is out of print, so I felt a ROM was justified. I've been playing it and greatly enjoying it! I love playing as Bass, which was my dream years ago.

Finding a Megaman DVD at Dollar Tree fueled the Megaman kick this week. I was thrilled! Now I'm trying to find the one I wanted so badly for years, which is unfortunately one of the hardest discs to get, sigh. But I may be able to get one. We'll see.

(I also found a Full Moon wo Sagashite disc there! Squeeee. I don't think they ever finished releasing it in the West, sadly. Such a sweet series. I wanted to grab that up the instant I saw it there. I hope it's bilingual, as I prefer it in Japanese.)

I've also been bouncing back and forth between the .EXE and Classic branches of Megaman. I like both Basses for different reasons. The .EXE ones usually have tragic backstories, but are very dark. The Classic Bass isn't as dark, but also seems shallow in his obsession with defeating Megaman. Yet he has intriguing moments, like how he respects humans for creating robots instead of thinking he's superior to humans (although he thinks he's superior to other robots, heh). I also finally found a Bass plush. When I saw Megaman plushies at Barnes and Noble a while back, I looked for Bass but didn't see him. Great Eastern has released one now, and even though it's somewhat chibi-ish, I decided to get it since it seems to be the only Bass plushie made.

I remember someone who was reading my few Megaman fics didn't like me having Classic Bass end up sacrificing himself trying to save Megaman. Something about him being interesting enough without having to do that? I didn't really grasp it at the time, but older and more tired and cynical me gets it. I still love my hurt/comfort and self-sacrifice, though. And of course, I planned for Bass to be brought back, even though I stalled on the sequel. I did go in the fic and alter a few things, as I realized I made it sound like Bass deliberately let himself die when pushing Megaman to safety. I changed it so it's clear that he's trying to get out too, but just didn't make it.

(Also, if I ever continue the .EXE stories I was doing, I'll have Bass survive his sacrifice there. I found a blurb I wrote where he survived and Dr. Cossack, the man who created him and thinks of him as a son, finds him badly injured and brings him back with him. This was a verse where the NetNavis were released into the real world.)

Someone suggested I write a crossover fic with Megaman and the 87 Ninja Turtles several weeks ago. I've been gradually putting things together since then, and this past week a lot more pieces fell into place. I had considered redoing one of the old Classic fics, but instead I decided I want the crossover to be in the same verse as those fics. I have a scene where Megaman tells the Turtles and company the events of those fics. It serves as some closure for me, since I will likely never figure out how to finish the sequel but now at least I can know things got resolved. It also means I'll have to figure out a different climax for the fic. I would like some hurt/comfort, naturally, but it won't be extreme hurt/comfort since it takes place in a verse where there was already extreme hurt/comfort in the past.... Or at least, that's the plan. On the other hand, maybe I'll find a way for a major hurt/comfort scene anyway, like Bass taking down some villain who was trying to destroy the world and they think Bass bought it too (although of course he'd turn up okay). I do find it intriguing that Bass rebels against Wily so often and fights against many of his schemes. Very different from the .EXE Bass, who hates humans (understandably, given his backstory in the games and manga versions). And I found the comments Duo made about Bass having goodness and justice energy, and I remember that was a large part of what inspired me to write Bass as I did. I don't think they would have included that in canon if they hadn't wanted people to figure Bass really is good deep down.

I can't figure out why I didn't collect the last four volumes of the .EXE manga, either. Did they just not come out on schedule? I need to get them in any case, maybe with my next Amazon gift card. There's a lot more Bass in them, and had I known that in the past, I would have been all over them. I tried to get everything I could with Bass. I've been really kicking myself that I didn't get the DVD I wanted so much the one time I saw it in a store. I think at that time I couldn't spare the money and I thought I'd have other chances to get it, but then I never did. Sigh.

I also still want a Shadow the Hedgehog plush that's 12 inches or taller and furry. I found out about the 12-inch Tomy Shadow, which looks really good and is also really rare, apparently. I never saw him in stores at all. And he's not even featured on Sonic Gear! I'm watching some listings for him and hope to pick one of those up, but I really need to wait for another Amazon gift card.

I was on dA last night, looking for Bass and Shadow art. I was kind of sad to see that it looks like a lot of people still think of and like Shadow as a villain. I would think that by now he's proved himself several times over that he's one of the good guys, even though he's an antihero!

(And yeah, I know one argument is that in the Shadow the Hedgehog game, the gimmick was "Hero or villain? You decide" and there were several different possible endings you could choose for him, based on what you wanted. Although I realized that even if you fiddled around with that, the only true ending of the game and the one that's considered canon, is where Shadow is heroic.)

Bass and Shadow have some interesting similarities, especially .EXE Bass and Shadow with their tragic backstories. Shadow's the better character, though, I think. And meanwhile, Classic Bass reminds me a lot of Seto, but again, I think Seto is a more well-rounded character. But I still love Bass too.

I finally finished a silly picture I drew of Nesbitt and Espio glaring suspiciously at each other, since David Wills plays them both: http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com

And Side7 has been down for days. I am not pleased, since my old art is up there. I still can't find the folder I have with the hard copies of the really old stuff, so Side7 was my only way to look at some of it. Plus, now I'll have to think about posting a lot of those things on dA if Side7 is down for good this time, like all the sketches and color pics I drew for YGO around 2009-2010. That sounds exhausting.

Current Mood: cheerful

Squeeee, I actually got the Marik figure! I had great luck with available surveys on Valued Opinions and quickly earned enough Amazon gift cards to get him entirely with those! The one I wanted was still available, and I wasn't sure if he was new or not because he was listed as Collectible - Very Good, but the description sounded a little like he was new. When he arrived, he was very new! The box was extremely beat-up; the description had mentioned box damage. Of course, I didn't care about that since it was the only one I could get and the figure wasn't damaged. Inside, the tape was all in place and Marik and his accessories were wrapped in plastic. Very new! I'm thrilled.

I should probably get the Yugi figure next, since I don't have a Yugi, but I'm kind of drawn more to the Atem/Yami Yugi one. (Both of these figures move.) I kind of like the design more on Yami Yugi (Yugi's blond hair pieces seem rather flat), plus I'm a little annoyed that Yugi's Duel Disk can't be removed (especially since it's a Dark Side of Dimensions design and I'd rather think of him as anime Yugi instead of manga movie Yugi). But we'll see how I feel.

Dad picked up Sunbeam for me at a Target and she's so gorgeous. I have her and Twilight standing together and they both look so '80's, I love it.

Now I'm fighting with the climatic chapter of my Bendy fic. I needed something that would really set Anime Yami Bakura off, and I figured that would have to be Bakura being harmed. Of course, I also wanted something appropriately horrifying for the game world and IC for an antagonist Yami Bakura to cause. So Bakura and several other characters end up falling into the ink machine and are sacrificed during a fight with Bendy. There are clues in the game that the studio owner was sacrificing people to use their souls to power his living cartoon characters, and I decided Manga Yami Bakura would totally want that twist, even if Bakura being hurt was not planned. Problem is, I couldn't figure out where to go from there. In the morning I actually wrote some stuff where Bakura finds the two Yami Bakuras arguing, and his soul has been put in a Boris the Wolf body, and the other people who fell have had their souls used likewise, while their bodies are placed in coffins that are seen in the real game. But reading everything over now, I'm just not comfortable with the souls being shown in the cartoon character bodies because it's too brain-breaking for me. I already only picked certain characters because I knew absolutely I couldn't handle it happening to particular ones (like any of the Big 5), but it seems I can't handle it happening to any of them. I guess, like a friend of mine puts it, I find it humiliating and undignified for them to be stuck in such a situation. I never thought of things that way until she described how she felt, and then I realized that was how I felt too, rather than just finding certain things brain-breaking for me. So I tried a rewrite where no one knows where the souls are and keeping the coffin scene. But I'm not sure I can do that either, because somehow having their bodies in the coffins troubles me more than the stuff I wrote where Gansley was apparently killed and the others had to leave his body on the floor. I'm still struggling with the personal demons I've carried for almost a year now, and I'm just not sure I can do the coffin thing because of that. Coffins stir up too much pain. But then the other option would be the fallen people becoming ink monsters, which of course I'm also not comfortable with, and I'm just not sure what to do because I don't want to spoil this story due to my own real-life problems and I really did want to fit in the horrifying twist involving the ink machine.... I know eventually I'll figure it out, but right now it's very exasperating.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

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The Winter Court of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

We were so carefree then, our hearts were on a cloud ...

Entries tagged with me

We'll Carry On

Birthday Preparations

Dreams Are Weird.

Downs and ups.

...

...

Life Updates, to some extent

Pokemon and YGO

Update

EEEEEEEEEE!

5Ds

Yay

Ugh.

Frozen 2 and fics

Interesting crafting projects.

Well, that was ... interesting.

Update

Open houses and the Sonic connection?

Video Games

Stubborn chapter....