The Winter Court of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

I broke down crying before bed yesterday. This year has been beating me over the head as it is, and I know it's been hard for others as well. To lose Kazuki Takahashi is to lose a dear friend. This year marks 20 years of knowing and loving YGO. When JP wanted me to watch The Powerpuff Girls while it was on Kids WB, the trailers for YGO intrigued me even though most of them were silly, cheeky things. I just knew I had to watch it. One episode (The Evil Spirit of the Ring, a classic), and I was hooked. JP was skeptical and didn't think it would last as an interest, but I knew I'd found something special. The characters, the plot, the humor (yes, I enjoyed the 4Kids humor) ... ! It all combined to make an intense and beautiful series about friendship, villain redemption, and forgiveness.

There are so many stories I could tell about how and why YGO is important to me and how magical it was looking for merchandise. Many stories I've already told. I'll admit I've never been as fond of the manga as I am the anime, and it took me a long time to try the manga after hearing of some of the darker elements in it. But it was there for me when I was ready for it, and nothing would exist without the manga and those first, rough versions of the characters. Kazuki Takahashi created so many of the beloved YGO DM characters and designed some of the spin-off characters. I wish I knew if he designed Radley and Kalin. Over the Nexus lists him as a character designer as though all the characters in it were his designs. I am so grateful he had the ideas for the manga and the characters. He brought something incredible to life that will continue to live on in his memory.

Here's a tale I'm not sure I ever shared publicly. I dreamed about YGO before I even knew what it was. Honestly, I'm the first to be skeptical about people thinking all answers are to be found in dreams. But I do think every now and then, there can be a meaningful or even a prophetic dream. I have no idea why I would be sent a dream of YGO, but I like to think it was because God knew it would literally change my life in many positive ways. I dreamed it was the day after my birthday and I was watching a show on TV. It was part four of the Yugi and Pegasus duel, the part when Yugi sacrifices himself and Pegasus is mocking him. The computer was also involved in the dream; I think I was looking stuff up about the next episode. I woke up utterly baffled and dismissed it as nonsense. Months, even years later, the dream was fulfilled every whit and I remembered it. That was a moment. That's one thing about my dreams; the few times I actually have a prophetic one, it's told to me straight out, no silly symbolism or whatnot. I don't know why. I guess God knows I want it told to me straight? I'll still be confused about it if I have no idea about any of the things in the dream.

I could never document all the ways YGO is special to me or tell every amazing experience I've had because of it. If you look through the tag of YGO on my journals, you'll find accounts of many such experiences. Those times seeking merchandise are often some of my most happy memories. It was a more innocent time, when anime was fresh and newly becoming part of established pop culture. Because of YGO, I improved my writing, I learned how to draw people, and I met so many wonderful people. Some are even still my friends. And I'm still meeting new wonderful people too. YGO brings people together, and that is something Kazuki Takahashi hoped for, as recorded in one of his anecdotes from the beginning of a manga volume.

I don't understand why he had to be taken so soon. He was still young. It's even more heartbreaking because as I understand it, he was on a vacation and just trying to have a little relaxation and fun exploring sea life. I'm just heartbroken, as is the whole YGO fanbase. I was just about to post a story when I heard the news. I decided to dedicate it to him even though it's 5Ds. All YGO exists because of his first ideas. (And he even created the first Turbo Duel, as Marik is dueling through Strings while riding his motorcycle in the manga!) I also decided to hold off posting until after sleeping and doing one more proofread. I never like to rush a post and realize I should have added something more later, and especially in his honor, I wanted to make sure it was as good as it could be. I posted it in the afternoon after some important tweaks.

In my room I am surrounded by YGO merchandise, much of it official and some of it custom-made by me or other fans. I tried my hand at customizing dolls and figures to be YGO characters. I made plushies and plan to make more. I put together cosplays as characters. I drew and drew, and wrote and wrote and wrote. YGO inspires me, and if all the different things I've written for are added up, I'm pretty sure I've written more for YGO than for anything else. There are so many characters, angles, new plots and adventures they can go on! Right now, 5Ds Week/Month is getting underway. Azureweek (Seto/Tea) will be in a couple of months. And there are many other events for creativity based around YGO. The fans still love YGO all these years later and are always finding new ways to express that love. Kazuki Takahashi created something truly special. The duels and card game are fun, but the real meat of it is the characters, the plots, and the bonds that form because of it all.

Thank you so much for giving me such a wondrous thing to explore, my friend. I hope someday I can tell you in person how deeply much YGO means to me. And in the meantime, I hope you can find happiness in learning how many people are still touched by YGO. It makes me very happy.

So I haven't been happy with G5 of My Little Pony ever since the info came out about all the Pony races being separate. Totally depressing enough, but at least it was supposed to be a new verse. Now more info shows that it's the G4 verse way in the future. Twilight and company are still alive, apparently, as they're going to be in it in supporting roles or something, last I heard, and come on, you know they'd never stand for something like that happening. They must be missing or trapped or something and the new main characters will have to find them. Ugh. I most likely will refuse to accept G5 as canon unless I can think of it as AU. I already don't accept season nine of G4 as canon. The quality was really low, as seen especially in episodes like Cheese Sandwich's second one. I watched it back to back with his first episode and the quality difference was absolutely glaring. The first episode was him and Pinkie wanting to make people happy with special parties tailored to each Pony's interests. The second was just stupid, about him running a prank factory and mentioning very little about the special parties.

Thinking about anything Pony-related of course makes me think of JP and how I can't share these things with him anymore. I'm so upset about his death that I can't even deal with it; my mind has literally subconsciously locked the memories and the pain away. If I think about him too long, it breaks the seal and I usually end up crying again. I just can't comprehend that he's no longer here, that all the late-night conversations and him wanting to share his latest interests is all a thing of the past.

This year is horrible and the summer especially has been nightmare after nightmare. Mom and I came down sick for a month. I don't think it was Covid because we didn't seem to have the symptoms. I really think it was a normal flu. (Of course, I realize sometimes that cursed virus manifests itself as a flu-like thing. If we did have it, our experience must have been middle of the road. It wasn't mild like some lucky people had it, but it wasn't the most severe either.) I definitely remember feeling horrible like that sometimes as a kid. Then Dad falls right in the driveway and breaks his hip so badly he has to have a hip replacement. He's recovering amazingly well and is able to be home, but now our home has become a hospital ward and people think they can troup in day and night to visit, even when he's trying to sleep. Sometimes they want to rearrange things the way they want them, whether we want it done or not. I hope Dad was firm enough now that it won't happen anymore. Yesterday was a chaotic nightmare and I was so exhausted. It's hard to get things done that actually need doing when there's so many people in and out all the time.

A family tragedy happened where a cousin suddenly had a heart attack and died, leaving his wife and many kids, some of whom are still young. His mother was having so many health problems that she couldn't even be told for a while because her condition was too delicate and they thought she might have a heart attack too. They were finally able to tell her and the funeral was this past Sunday and Monday. No one was told until the last minute and of course we weren't in any position to go, even if someone invited us. I was so upset about the death that I couldn't even process it at first. It just seemed too unreal, too unfair and horrible. He always struggled so hard to provide for his family, sometimes working multiple jobs.

There are other things happening too that I don't want to talk about.

I would much rather deal with Covid lockdown stress than any of what's happened this year. And fandom hasn't always been the escape for me that it usually is because I've been having some problems there too.

Screw you, 2021.

This has been an amazing month for Boba Fett and Boba Fett fans. But now, in the middle of all the awesomeness, there is the sadness that Jeremy Bulloch has died.

Both he and Jason Wingreen brought the character to life in the original trilogy, with Jason as the voice while Jeremy physically played him. I think we lost Jason some years ago, and now Jeremy too. Some moving tributes to him have been coming out from Star Wars actors such as Mark Hamill and Billy Dee Williams.

I read some articles about Jeremy recently. He sounded like a very lovely person and I totally loved his stories about playing Boba Fett, from the more well-known like using Clint Eastwood as inspiration to lesser-known crack like tripping on Darth Vader's cape while filming and they both went down. ROTFLOL. A friend of mine got to meet him a while back and got an autographed picture of him as Boba Fett. She gifted it to me earlier this year and I was over the moon. I wasn't feeling well when it came and that cheered me right up.

Thank you, Jeremy, for helping bring to life a character who has meant so much to me for 29 years. He enchanted me at age five and that has never gone away.

This has not been a great week. Or maybe month would be more accurate. And not just for me, either; gah, that horrible tragedy in the U.K....

On top of the things stressing me that I've mentioned in locked entries, now some of our closest friends in town are moving and Roger Moore is dead. I know I never quite got to where I liked him as much as other darlings, but he was still very special to me. I have a figure in his likeness and a Persuaders! picture on my wall. And a lot of DVDs. I really admire the work he did for UNICEF; that was very special, as is the fact that he considered it his crowning achievement over anything he did in the entertainment industry. He had a great sense of humor and I really liked his stance on some things, like being totally against hunting animals for sport. I also learned from reading articles today that he was actually a shy person. I can certainly relate to that. There was a lot of good in him and I am very sad to lose him. I feel so sad for his family and friends. The tributes I've been reading have been very moving and very sad.

I dread what's going to happen next.