insaneladybug | Entries tagged with friends

Christmas was basically very nice. I did manage to capture the feel of a Christmas from my childhood, which I had so desperately longed to do. It made me very happy. I also discovered cutting many dolls and figures out of their packaging can really hurt the thumb. My skin is dry and it cracked a lot there.

One of my favorite gifts is the Encanto doll set I've been wanting for a year! I was so thrilled Azalea542 got it for me! I have them set up on a metal tray right near my bed. They can stand on their own, which is so cool. I also got the Bruno and Dolores dolls so I'd have all the released dolls. I hope they will make the other characters too.

Another lovely gift was a gift card from Ladyamberjo so I could get Sylveon. I was sick of missing out on the Eevee family plushies at Build-a-Bear and I wanted to grab her since she's a favorite. That outing was a time. Almost everything that could go wrong on that outing did. Thankfully, we managed to return with Sylveon or it would have all been pointless. It started precipitating. I objected. Dad insisted we keep going, for some reason. We had to stop and get something from my sister. We had to get gas and had a hard time getting the locked gas cap off. We got stuck in a ditch for which there was no warning sign posted. People were very kind and helped us get out, but it took an hour or more. When we finally got to the mall, some mysterious thing had gone wrong and the store was temporarily closed?! I waited a bit, left in discouragement, then tried calling before leaving the parking lot. They were open again, so I went back for Sylveon. There was already a line forming, so I had to wait a bit more. Driving home was a nightmare as the precipitation continued. But at last we made it!

I got some more Eevees and watched The Rings of Power. I loved it and named Eevees Merry and Pippin. ThickerThanLove sent me the Lord of the Rings bear from Build-a-Bear, squeee! He looks like Frodo, with brown curly fur and blue eyes. I need something to name Sam next.

I am still furious at Nintendo cutting off eShop access to 3DS and 2DS tomorrow. I spent most of this past week looking for things to snap up. There was a big sale on Capcom games, for some awesome reason. I got Mega Man Legacy Collection. Mega Man games are hard. I can't jump on the bad guys and they swarm me really fast. I can't blast them all. I'm really happy to have the games, though. I'll figure it out. I was disappointed I couldn't seem to find anything else. I already got most of the awesome stuff I could afford in the months prior. Then I finally thought to look up Phoenix Wright. Those games were also on sale, for an incredible $2.99 each! Even the trilogy set! After spending much more than I really intended or wanted to (especially on DLC), I have many Phoenix games. I wasn't going to get Apollo Justice, but NinetalesUK finally convinced me I should. If I happen to take to him and the other characters from his games, I probably would be upset to not have the first game with them. I am notorious for balking at things and then loving them when I finally try them. For $2.99, I figured I'd better get it.

I got Investigations for the iPhone, since that was the only way to get it. (Yes, I have an iPhone.) But apparently I will only get the first case and have to drop a lot more to get the rest. I don't know when that will be, since I've already spent a lot. I'm enjoying the first case. Miles is still my favorite; playing as him is wonderful.

I still wish someone could use Radley's sprites from Over the Nexus to make a video game with him. I wish I could do that. I have no skills and would have to learn.

I got my dad's HP laptop working again and downloaded Steam onto it. Then I got The Disney Afternoon Collection, which was on sale for $5. I have always wanted to play those games. Darkwing is hard like Mega Man. The Chip and Dale games are the easiest. I am enjoying them all, even though I'm having trouble getting very far in them. I'll figure it out.

I had plans to get the Leafeon plush at Build-a-Bear, even though I'd have to do the online bundle with unnecessary clothes. I still want to try to make it work even after needing to snap up all that Nintendo stuff before it's gone. I have tried for days to convince my brain it is foolish. My brain will not listen. It's the only way to get him. I'm hoping I can re-sell the clothes, at least the sleeper. I might like the cape enough to keep it, but the onesie seems very silly. I don't want to cover up all that beautiful fur. If he hasn't sold out yet, I plan to order him tonight. He will make a lovely Easter gift. I'm tired of missing out on the Build-a-Bears. I wish I'd got him and Glaceon when they were briefly in physical stores last year, and Umbreon when he was online again briefly.

Some family members wanted me and Dad to get on their Verizon phone plan with them and we'd get iPhones. Mine was free! It's 13. The camera is glorious and I've taken videos of the kitty. The space is also glorious. I have 128GB! And there's not a lot of bloatware. It looks like I can delete whatever I want to, too. I like using the iPhone as a gaming device, mostly. I see both pros and cons of it. It's much harder to type on; if I need to correct a mistake, I can't even go right to the mistake. I have to erase the whole word! There's no headphone jack. Clearing caches is much harder. Apparently I'm supposed to hit offload app, but the description sounded much more complicated than a simple clearing of the cache. It sounded like I would have to redownload the app any time I clicked offload! Some of those apps are big. I don't have time to keep redownloading them! I got my dad's Motorola Android phone since he didn't need it anymore. It has 64GB, which is also good. I like to use it for most other Internet activities since Google devices are easier to manage in a lot of ways. Two of my tablets have been dying a lot, leaving me with the Amazon Fire tablet and these phones. I am happy to have them all.

I found someone called ZakuraRain who will do beautiful pictures for only $3, $6 if it's colored! They call them doodles, but they're definitely higher quality than mere doodles. I've got four pictures from them so far.

Fanfiction writing is slow at times, but still going on. I'm writing some enjoyable Kalin and Radley stories. Sometimes inspiration flows.

I also finally put the collars and lapels on the Kalin and Radley plushies' coat and jacket. I need to take pictures. I was going to get silver snaps for Radley, but I couldn't find the right kind and then I wondered if even the lightweight duster kind would weigh the light material down a lot.

Current Mood: okay

I'm tired.

I'm tired and sad and worn-down. But I have to keep dealing with the problems that are plaguing us and I have to be stretched thin trying to take care of everything and not having help with some of the problems.

My dad is practically blind. He needs help with all sorts of things. My mom has Alzheimer's and is very needy. She gets distressed if I'm not around, even just if I need to go into the basement for a bit to help Dad with something down there. It makes it very hard to get things done. There are a couple of others who are able to help Dad from time to time, but I'm about the only one who can help Mom. I have to dread each day wondering if I'm going to be mistaken for my aunt, my grandmother, or another version of myself. Any day when there isn't a distressing flip-out that takes ages to repair is something to celebrate. I've had to say goodbye to so many things we loved to do together that she doesn't like anymore. And the more I think about it, the more I think that the symptoms were starting to show years ago. I thought some of the things she said for years were extra strange, but it was only last year that it really became apparent what was happening.

I just wish we could all be happy again like we used to be, but I know that is highly unlikely to happen. Things have just been getting worse and worse in so many ways ever since 2019, at least. I can't stop longing for healing miracles, especially when we watch true stories like on It's a Miracle, but it doesn't seem like anything like that is in store. I just wonder why we can't have amazing healing miracles like those people have. Why aren't we good enough or deserving enough? Of course, there are no answers. I don't need to be preached at that life is full of trials, or that we're supposed to go through trials, yadda yadda. Why this trial in particular? What are we supposed to get out of it? What I get out of it is that Alzheimer's is Hell and I despise it with all of my heart and soul. And it kind of runs in the family. I'm terrified it may be my fate in the future. I don't want it! It is tragic to see an intelligent woman crumble like this. She used to spend hours writing letters and poems to cheer people up. Now most of her writing is devoted to letters to nonexistent people she's determined to deliver to real houses, or letters to real people about things that never happened. Why did God let this happen so she can't really serve Him anymore as she so loved to do? She touched so many lives for good. She could have done more.

I try to find escapes in online things, but I often find drama, unfriendliness, and story reviews dwindling close to nothing. I don't feel like I belong or am wanted most places, and the places where I do feel welcome enough aren't as active as I would like. I do have happiness talking and RPing with certain people, but those numbers have dwindled a bit too. What I do have means everything to me. I cling to the fictional characters' realities where things are happier than reality.

Retail therapy is still a thing for me. I have some more adorable Eevees now. I got the cute Tomy one, and the seller included two more plushies as extras! Popplio, whom I intended to get since she's Sandy's friend, and a tiny Eevee I have as the child of the Tomy one. I also bought Gigantimax Eevee.

I got the Pokemon Center's Christmas Eevee shortly before he sold out. I also found the autumn Eevee with pumpkin on my birthday. That was a special treat! Then Target finally got the sitting down 24 inch Eevee in stock again and I bought him. Those and finally getting to play Pokemon Go were the highlights of October. Most of the month was terrible.

I have three Eevee ornaments, the two Hallmark ones and one from the Pokemon Center. The latter is so heavy I was afraid it would fall off the tree, so I have her standing up on my filing cabinet. She and my other Eevees all brighten my days immensely. Their innocent faces are just precious.

I've needed to buy my own Christmas presents again this year. I've found a lot of lovely things for myself as well as my parents, and friends are starting to send awesome things too. It's hard to wait to open everything! Only two weeks to go. I pray desperately that Christmas can be nice and magical, like when I was a child, but I know the reality is that something will very likely go wrong, as it has on all holidays and my birthday lately, or the day right after.

Please, God, let us have a happy Christmas....

Current Mood: sad

This has been a fun week, something sorely needed. Real-life is rarely fun these days.

Monday I got hit in the head by an AMV that needed to be made. I already had the song and took a few more screencaps and made Radley Will Make a Man Out of You!

We ended up getting groceries on a different day this week. I don't know if that made a difference or not in products that were out, but if it wouldn't have happened on our regular day, I'm glad we were late. I've been waffling for literal weeks on what to spend some money on, which makes it difficult when I want just about everything I've seen but can't get it all. Then, after being unable to make a decision, I see an adorable little Eevee plush at Walmart and immediately fall in love. I'd kept feeling like I couldn't make a decision until I checked Walmart one last time, and that was apparently what I was waiting for. I have my beloved big Eevee, but I've wanted a little one to be my Radley plushie's Eevee. I just never thought I could afford the price for one when I already have one. But as soon as I saw her, I knew I was getting her. Unfortunately, I thought she was going to ring up as $12.99 and she rung up as $16.99 instead. Gah. And by then, I'd bonded with her way too closely to not get her. I still wondered if I'd made a mistake and worried about having spent so much, and yet there was no buyers' remorse and no desire to return her, although I did ask some people what they thought about the scenario. I was thrilled to give her to Radley. I was a little sad thinking I'd really like another one to be Kalin's Eevee and figured no way would I be able to pay that price a second time.

The next day I got an amazing package! I knew my friend MoonlightTyger was sending a couple of fun souvenir shirts from a town we both like, and those were there and very cool! One is a Christmassy shirt, and I feel like wearing it now, heh. And also in the box was another little Eevee! Not the same one I'd got, but just as soft and cute! I was over the moon and stayed there for hours. I wondered briefly if I should return the one I'd bought, but there was still no desire to do so, especially since I'd wanted two and now I had two! ... And now I'm encouraged to want more, lol. There's an adorable winking one I'd like to be Scotch's Eevee. I've even been considering a sleeping Eevee. Normally I don't see the appeal in sleeping plush since you can't really play with them, but when it's Eevee, I might make an exception.

So maybe what I really want is to collect Eevee plushies. One awesomely fun thing about multiple Eevees is that each one can be a different character, whereas if I'm getting multiples of, say, Shadow, it's all the same character. That makes it feel like there's much more of a point to getting multiple Eevees. I love them so much, I want many. Some of the things I've been considering buying are figure sets with multiple Eevee figures. But the figures are too small to pair with a Radley, so the plush was more appealing on that level as well as softness level. I love soft things, and these Eevees feel like minky! Utter paradise!

Current Mood: happy

For the last several weeks, I've known that MoonlightTyger would be coming out here for a day trip to a favorite theme park. I was invited to come with her and her sister and her friend, but wasn't sure until a few days ago that it would work out. And me being me, I stayed skeptical still worrying it wouldn't work out right up to the end and finally allowed myself to get excited the night before.

The rides to and from were very fun. We all have a lot of common interests, so it was neat talking about them and listening to the music they had brought. It took less time driving than I thought it would too, only about an hour instead of closer to ninety minutes! That was great for arrival times, but I was sad when it was time to say Goodbye so soon!

I've honestly never been to a theme park. The closest I've ever come is the state fair a couple of times and some carnivals for various holidays. It was a pretty amazing experience! It was all decked out for Halloween with hanging pumpkins and Jack-O-Lanterns and pretty lights and silly fake gravestones everywhere. I get motion-sick on almost any rides and sometimes still in the car, so I knew coasters were not a good idea. But my main deal was wanting to go in haunted houses, since due to Dad being a chronic Halloween Grinch, that's also something I've never done. And I kind of hoped I might find something awesome on the midway, since I know licensed character plushies turn up at the games on those.

I saw the licensed character booth on our way in, with Pokemon and Mario characters. I immediately wanted a big Daisy I saw hanging there. Ironically, I don't think I've ever played a game with her, except maybe Mario Party. But I love her personality, and of course I'm tickled her name is Daisy. We decided to do the attractions first.

There were several haunted attractions and I chose a couple that sounded creepy but not uncomfortable. Like one I rejected said it featured the devil. No. So MoonlightTyger and I tried a nice mansion. There was a hallway with those silly, creepy pictures that look normal and change to skeletons or zombies, lol. Then there were various freaky rooms. My favorite was a library with a fireplace and a kitty. At first it looked like a dead end, but MoonlightTyger finally saw the dark hallway to go down. There was eventually a mad scientist and a weird elevator operator. There was some disgusting imagery along the way, but I'd figured long ago there likely would be since a lot of people seem to like making Halloween gory. So I had managed to brace myself for that. It was fun and over all too soon, lol. (Of course, I'm sure MoonlightTyger was relieved it was over!)

I had also wanted to try a haunted ghost town. The website made it sound like it was outside and walking around to different buildings that were haunted, but it was all indoors. It was longer, being a whole town set-up, and to my surprise it was gorier than the regular haunted house. The outlaw ghosts were fun and very plunnying. There were freaky animatronics, like one floating over a cemetery, and something that looked like a scarecrow wielding a scythe. The church had ghosts rocking in the pews. So creepy! I got some nice imagery from both houses to use in fics, and I hope to get on that right away.

We walked around the regular town set-up, which had restored buildings from pioneer days. So cool! I love things like that. There was a church, a house, some cabins, and a main street of businesses. One had a miniature circus and lots of dolls on display. Some super old plushies too. It looked like the images were painted onto a cloth body shaped like the animal. Fascinating!

On the midway, MoonlightTyger and I played Whac-a-Mole. She was amazing at it! I don't know whether I was doing something wrong or if the machines just weren't registering me so well. I was hitting every thing, but it consistently gave me low scores. But since MoonlightTyger was getting a perfect score, we won and she won the Daisy for me! Squeee. Daisy is so soft. I should have brought my Disney tote bag along from my backpack just in case of winning something as I had hoped, but I hadn't been sure it would fit in the smaller red bag I had decided to carry through the park and left it in the backpack instead. So I just carried Daisy in my arms for the rest of the trip.

Throughout all of this, MoonlightTyger's sister and friend wanted to ride a particularly scary coaster twice and go on a water ride. Then we all regrouped and all three were able to go on MoonlightTyger's favorite ride when the lines were short! I knew I didn't dare try a coaster, so I watched their stuff and texted with Crystal for a bit.

To finish, we went in the gift shop and I found a hilariously adorable bookmark and pen set of a gray kitty holding a sword. LOL. I almost freaked when I saw the manufacturer name looked like Kalin, but then I saw it was Kalan. Oh well, still close!

All in all, such a lovely experience! I love meeting dear friends in person and it was so neat to get to do something like this at long last and for it to be so close to my birthday. I'm so happy it all worked out!

With things still upsidedown here, I haven't been sure Dad would even be able to go out and select anything for my birthday, and I certainly didn't want to impose and ask, so I decided the best idea would be for me to get a few things for myself when I was getting groceries and such. I still wanted a nice birthday, and knowing everything I'm getting (aside from friends' gifts) is better than getting nothing. I bought a couple of things a few weeks ago and put them away for that, and I got a bit more this past week. I'm also, of course, hoping to be Radley for Halloween. I've had the most horrible time finding any fake leather jackets in American sizes that I can afford. There were only two real options: one in the right size that said it would ship in 1-2 months and might not even come in time, or one a size smaller than my usual. Of course, I took a gamble on the latter. It came yesterday! It is very soft and I hugged it. It fits if I don't close it, and Radley always wears his open anyway, so that works.

I also learned almost too late that most Disney Stores are closing. My main one was already gone by the time I was told. My uncle managed to take me to the other one last week on the very last day. There was barely anything left, and even less that was of interest to me. I finally got The Rise of Skywalker on Blu-Ray and Digital. I can use the digital code, and this will be more incentive to get a Blu-Ray player. I saw Target's mini Disney Store and was underwhelmed (but at least I heard a beautiful song, You Carried Me With You, on their screen). JCPenney has a better selection of stuff, though, honestly. And they're closer. I came home and signed up for the Disney Store website, but the prices are abominable! $20 for one doll when it used to be $12! They sent me a free shipping coupon and I was having trouble finding anything to use it on. Finally they randomly reduced the price of a Cinderella plushie and I got her. She came yesterday too! So far she's still in the mailer, as I was hoping to save her for my birthday. I might have tried to do that with the jacket too, but I felt I needed to test that immediately since the size was not my usual. (And since I was so excited by that I didn't think I could wait, lol.)

I also ordered some of the YGO 5Ds manga and it came this week too. I'm also trying to save it for my birthday. Volume 4, which is one of the ones I want most, has become mysteriously hard to get. Aurgh! So I thought I should hurry and grab the others I most wanted. 4 may come back in stock for Books a Million on the 4th, so I'll be watching that closely. I may get all nine volumes eventually.

I had a strange but nice dream of shopping in a store and finding Radley-related merchandise. Weirdly, in the dream he was a Frozen character, lol. I woke up before I fully checked out, but at least I was checking out. Many shopping dreams have me unable to complete purchases because of the stuff mysteriously disappearing. The dream felt rather true to life, as with my Halloween shopping, I do rather consider I'm buying Radley merchandise, lol. I got the wig last night with an eBay gift card and I associate the jacket with him so strongly, it felt like he was real and the jacket was an actual connection with him. Yes, I know that's nonsense. No, I don't know why this particular comfort character makes me feel that way, as I haven't for any of the others, even Marik. But there you go.

I saw a lovely top someone was wearing at the park that said "Only God can judge me." I immediately knew I had to draw Radley wearing a jacket that says that. I hope to do that today.

Current Mood: cheerful

I hope you've had an amazing day, my friend. Maybe you've been visiting with other loved ones up there or even seeing favorite celebrities, if they are giving new concerts up there. Maybe spare a thought or two for those of us down here who miss you so much. I know you miss us too. I wish there was an IM service that connected to Heaven. Wouldn't that be the most incredible thing? Then it really would be like you are still here in some fashion. Although for your family, it certainly wouldn't be the same, but still so much better than not really being able to ever communicate anymore.

We're having plumbing problems with the kitchen sink again, just like we were the night I found out you'd died. This really isn't the way I wanted to commemorate your birthday. I'd rather write a sweet friendship ficlet.

I miss our late-night chats so much. Usually I can't even think much about them because it hurts too much knowing there will never be any more of them.

I never even had the chance to say Goodbye.

Happy Birthday. I wish it was like old times and I'd have a card and a present for you. Instead, all I have is this, well wishes, and lots of tears.

Current Mood: sad

So I haven't been happy with G5 of My Little Pony ever since the info came out about all the Pony races being separate. Totally depressing enough, but at least it was supposed to be a new verse. Now more info shows that it's the G4 verse way in the future. Twilight and company are still alive, apparently, as they're going to be in it in supporting roles or something, last I heard, and come on, you know they'd never stand for something like that happening. They must be missing or trapped or something and the new main characters will have to find them. Ugh. I most likely will refuse to accept G5 as canon unless I can think of it as AU. I already don't accept season nine of G4 as canon. The quality was really low, as seen especially in episodes like Cheese Sandwich's second one. I watched it back to back with his first episode and the quality difference was absolutely glaring. The first episode was him and Pinkie wanting to make people happy with special parties tailored to each Pony's interests. The second was just stupid, about him running a prank factory and mentioning very little about the special parties.

Thinking about anything Pony-related of course makes me think of JP and how I can't share these things with him anymore. I'm so upset about his death that I can't even deal with it; my mind has literally subconsciously locked the memories and the pain away. If I think about him too long, it breaks the seal and I usually end up crying again. I just can't comprehend that he's no longer here, that all the late-night conversations and him wanting to share his latest interests is all a thing of the past.

This year is horrible and the summer especially has been nightmare after nightmare. Mom and I came down sick for a month. I don't think it was Covid because we didn't seem to have the symptoms. I really think it was a normal flu. (Of course, I realize sometimes that cursed virus manifests itself as a flu-like thing. If we did have it, our experience must have been middle of the road. It wasn't mild like some lucky people had it, but it wasn't the most severe either.) I definitely remember feeling horrible like that sometimes as a kid. Then Dad falls right in the driveway and breaks his hip so badly he has to have a hip replacement. He's recovering amazingly well and is able to be home, but now our home has become a hospital ward and people think they can troup in day and night to visit, even when he's trying to sleep. Sometimes they want to rearrange things the way they want them, whether we want it done or not. I hope Dad was firm enough now that it won't happen anymore. Yesterday was a chaotic nightmare and I was so exhausted. It's hard to get things done that actually need doing when there's so many people in and out all the time.

A family tragedy happened where a cousin suddenly had a heart attack and died, leaving his wife and many kids, some of whom are still young. His mother was having so many health problems that she couldn't even be told for a while because her condition was too delicate and they thought she might have a heart attack too. They were finally able to tell her and the funeral was this past Sunday and Monday. No one was told until the last minute and of course we weren't in any position to go, even if someone invited us. I was so upset about the death that I couldn't even process it at first. It just seemed too unreal, too unfair and horrible. He always struggled so hard to provide for his family, sometimes working multiple jobs.

There are other things happening too that I don't want to talk about.

I would much rather deal with Covid lockdown stress than any of what's happened this year. And fandom hasn't always been the escape for me that it usually is because I've been having some problems there too.

Screw you, 2021.

Current Mood: annoyed

... It still doesn't change that there are many years to go before seeing a loved one again after they're gone. And it doesn't change how hard that is.

I've lost a friend of 21 years to cancer. I was afraid he was gone when he disappeared from the Internet a month ago, either gone or getting worse and not feeling up to being online. My worst fears were confirmed when I finally got a notification for a post his sister made yesterday. He died on the 16th.

I'm so glad I have the memories and special treasures of 21 years of friendship. But I still didn't want to say Goodbye, and he had wanted to live and kept hoping he would recover.

It feels so surreal to write any of this.

Our last conversation was so ... well, not like a Goodbye. I didn't get to really say Goodbye, or other things I would have liked to say. I think we just talked about The Clone Wars. Maybe that was the way he would have wanted it; maybe he didn't know how to say Goodbye. Not that I know either. He probably didn't know it would be our last conversation, though.

I've had the song Rock and Roll Heaven stuck in my head today. (It's a long story.) It feels sadly and oddly appropriate, not just for the chorus lines of life going on, but because he loved music so much and all the artists.

I've had a lot of writer's block, or writer's molasses lately (stories coming, but veeerrry slowwwwly), and it finally shattered on Sunday morning with a plunnie explosion. I wonder if that's not a coincidence and I was blessed to finally have more ideas because I would badly need that now. I am very grateful to have stories to put my attention to so I don't have to stay constantly in this reality.

Current Mood: crushed

It has been extremely stressful almost from the time I last wrote anything here. I discovered the worst pain I have ever had in my life, which seems to have been caused by rupturing ovarian cysts, and I'm still trying to get my body back to normal. There's other cysts that may or may not be cancerous, although the doctor doesn't really think they are. He didn't even see the ultrasound pictures, though! He just read the hospital's report! We're waiting to see if the blasted things shrink on their own while I try some natural remedies and foods that are supposed to help. The doctor doesn't think food has anything to do with it, but I've found that my problems and the pain seem to pivot around foods. I've mostly felt a lot better and I discovered standing and walking are very helpful. I racked up a horrific bill just from the tests they did and I'm trying to qualify for Medicaid. I just thought everything was okay and now they seem to be demanding I redo all the information again?! WTH?! Aurgh! I tried to call them on Friday but couldn't get anyone and I'll have to try again tomorrow.

My birthday was peaceful, at least, but low-key. I still haven't had my outing. We were hoping to try for this coming week, but now we have a new house problem to deal with, as our bathroom light fixture decided to bork and now we have to light it with nightlights. We've been having so many house problems the last few months, mostly plumbing but also some electric issues. Our water pressure is horrendous. It's been wrecked ever since the city forced new pipes on everyone last year, and it's gotten worse for us in the last several months.

To compensate for no outing, I bought a lot of things online to have for my birthday. It was fun, but it doesn't take the place of physically visiting a store. It's the whole experience that's so fun, not just buying things. Although the irony is that I likely wouldn't be able to find much of anything I want in a physical store. It seems like what I want is either cheaper online or only available online.

Some other, more minor stressful things happened the past week, but because of my emotional state dealing with my health problems they tipped me over the edge. It's ironic and frustrating that I really try so hard to control myself online, but the few times I just can't take it anymore I get branded as some kind of horrible thing. Also ironic is that while they're thinking how awful I am, I'm emotionally tearing myself to pieces for weeks afterward because I said or did something that hurt someone. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and have for years. I've never been officially diagnosed, but reading up on the symptoms certainly matches my states of mind when I go into those ways and I fully believe I have an anxiety disorder. I would love to talk to a therapist, but we can't afford that either. And I certainly can't think about that when we're not sure the Medicaid went through. If I can really qualify for ongoing Medicaid and not just temporary, maybe then I can consider a therapist. I only really realized how badly I needed one two and a half years ago when I sank into a really bad depression and self-loathing state. A friend who is a therapist in another state really helped me a lot to be able to pull out of it. If only she lived here. I had a small-scale setback into such a state this past week because of those stressful things and what happened because of them. That friend plus other friends have been helping me pull out of it again and helping me see that I'm not the scum of the earth, which is how I was feeling.

I also lapsed into another frantic "Buy, buy, buy!" mode this past week, like I did in April when the lockdown started. Apparently that's going to be a thing with me now and I've developed full-blown retail therapy problems when under extreme stress. Although at least I'm not buying up everything under the sun; I still study things out for days to get what I really want. This round I wanted YGO things and I bought an official YGO coloring book and one of the Scholastic character guides, this one focusing on the villains. I wish I'd known about all these wonderful YGO things Scholastic put out at the time. I was looking and looking for things like that and could never find them. Apparently they did a whole line of character guides in 2006. I wonder why they waited until then. That was when the show ended!

I wrote all of the Whumptober prompts into a connected storyline and am posting them. I was delayed for several days when the worst of my physical pains were happening, but I've got back on track and am posting on the correct days again. I'm trying to do the Comfortember ones too, but they aren't plunnying me as much, so I'm not sure I'll do all of them. But I don't have any other story ideas other than expanding one of Nesbitt's hallucinations into a full fic really happening and taking place in another verse, so I want to keep trying. I love to write and feel like to not be able to is to lock part of my soul away.

The hallucination I want to expand is for Dartz to trick Nesbitt into using the Orichalcos. For some reason I've been wanting to write a storyline similar to Mai's season 4 arc. I don't know why, really, because that was gut-wrenching. But I finally figured out how to work it in a way I like. Nesbitt is feeling horrible because of his weakness in almost abandoning the others in Noa's world, so Dartz preys on that and tells him the Orichalcos will make him strong. In Nesbitt's state of mind, he believes that and thinks it will help him be a better friend, so he accepts it and then it corrupts him. He has no idea about soul-stealing or swallowing the world with a giant sea snake until after it corrupts him, which seemed to be the same with Mai in canon. In the dub, at least, Dartz most certainly doesn't tell her any of those things until she agrees to accept it. You can see in her face that the corruption is instantaneous. Very chilling.

As much as I love and adore Lector and have given him some of my personality traits in how I write for him, I really went to town with Nesbitt and base him on me even more. His insecurities, his struggles with his weaknesses, blurting things out he shouldn't and beating himself up over it, his asexuality, is all based on me. In the Japanese he doesn't seem to have some of his issues, like wanting to pretend he's a machine, so I deliberately write him based on the dub version because I find his manias so interesting and a writing goldmine. I do, however, use his Japanese backstory in how Seto treats him, which was even more appalling than in the dub. He tells Nesbitt not to get underfoot when the new engineer arrives, aurgh. So cruel when Nesbitt was the top engineer! (And semi-related, I read a short fic on Crump based on the Japanese version where Seto said something horrible to him when he brought the idea of a penguin sanctuary and theme park, something about crushing Crump like a soda can if he didn't drop the idea?! If that was really what he said in the Japanese, horrible! And of course, Seto learned all that kind of behavior from Gozaburo. So sickening how Gozaburo poisoned that once-innocent mind.) Honestly, aside from them letting Pegasus take Mokuba, I'm more on the Big Five's side than Seto's, up to the point where they first start messing with virtual reality. As horrible as Seto treated them, that wasn't justified. I wish the dub hadn't inserted a murder plot in season 1 that didn't exist. I can't even watch that episode in the original dub anymore because that sickens me so. I always watch it in the uncut dub instead. I'm glad that was one of the few episodes that made it into the uncut dub.

I'm still getting pictures from ElfBean. Her latest is from my fic where Lector is a vigilante and I just adore it so much!

I feel like drawing a picture of Lector laying on his bed in his dress shirt and pants and tie, looking up at the ceiling. Usually it's Nesbitt I depict without his suitcoat, but after an RP scene I feel like I really want to show Lector like that too, squeee. He would look amazing! (Of course, he always looks amazing, heh.)

I had a really awesome and fun dream the other day about playing a video game where the player is interacting with the Big Five. Their memories have been mysteriously wiped and the goal is to help them find something they're looking for and restore their memories. It would work great as a visual novel type game, and apparently there are sites where people can make games like that without years of programming lessons! I definitely want to try it out! I have the sprites from the Nightmare Troubadour game that would be perfect to use in it! They looked so amazing in that game!

This is the checklist of everything I've bought for my birthday and a bit afterwards:

- Set of the first four Anna & Elsa chapter books set after the first Frozen
- The most recent Frozen 5 Minute Stories collection, the red cover one
- Frozen Blu-Ray and DVD combo (if we ever get a Blu-Ray, I can see all the cool bonus content!)
- Star Wars Qui-Gon Jinn 12 inch figure
- Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi from episode 1 12 inch figure
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Twisted Nightmares double deck set of Yami Bakura and Yami Marik (sooo awesome and perfect for my Yami Bakura memorabilia collection! There's a game mat with characters on it, and Skill cards with them on them, and cards at the beginning of the decks with them on them.)
- Halloween face mask that says Trick or Treat in an eerie font, perfect to use with my recycled Yami Bakura costume this year
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Chaos coloring book
- Yu-Gi-Oh! uncut dub volume 2, The Insector Combo (the only volume of uncut I don't have, and I finally decided I wanted it)
- Yu-Gi-Oh! character guide to villains
- Autumn socks

Current Mood: okay

Nikki arrived and she's awesome. And I found a G. I. Joe to be Nesbitt! I knew it would be too strange if there weren't any that looked like him, because honestly, his character design looks like a G. I. Joe, lol. I found several possibilities and decided on Wheeler Field Pilot. I bought one on Amazon and I think he'll be here tomorrow! Meanwhile I was set to buy the Hawk River Lector G. I. Joe and then an auction popped up. I ended up going through with the Buy It Now listing anyway. I hope I won't regret not following the auction. I was concerned about someone else getting the Buy It Now and the auction suddenly spiking into a bid war and then I wouldn't get either one. That probably wouldn't have happened, but I didn't want to take the chance. Plus, I didn't want to wait 9 days for the auction to end.

A friend had some TaleSpin cereal box figures that she sent me. They're so cute! And it's almost the whole set of them; I just need Baloo, and I'm sure I can get him at the antique mall. And she also included a neat thing about Louisiana since I periodically write fics set there, and ohmygoshsqueee, a surprise item: an autographed picture of Boba Fett! She got it signed by Jeremy Bulloch in person years ago. I was over the moon and exclaimed aloud when I opened the package!

Monday we finally got to do an outing I've been hoping for for ages and it was one of those amazing days where things actually went right. Weirdly enough, both that Monday and one I still hold fondly from about three years ago or more involved getting paint at Hobby Lobby. LOL. I got a color that I hope will be good for painting Lector and also grabbed some black paint for Johnson's hair, since I don't know when I'll get back there and I thought I should just have it around even though I probably won't have Johnson for a while. It's always fun to explore there. Such a huge store! I wish they closed at 9 instead of 8. I was hoping to see some Halloween decor, but they had harvest coming in and that was a good compromise. Strangely, they still had some aisles of Easter stuff.

Then we went to Joann's and they finally had plushie bases back in stock. They also now have WiFi! And squeeee, they actually had the fake fur I needed for Umbra's hair! Since they don't have a whole rainbow of colors, I do wonder why they specifically had turquoise/teal/whatever it is. Is there a lot of demand for that color? Whatever the reason, it's awesome! It's super expensive by the yard ($29.99!), so I asked for the smallest piece and that was only $3 and change, and more than enough! I have a ton left over.

Then it was on to Kohl's to see if I'd have any better luck with my merchandising credit than before. The fitting rooms are closed and I didn't want to risk getting any more pants that didn't fit, so I focused on toys. I didn't really think they'd have Stacie, and I was right, but they did have a doll that I think and hope is Renee. Why don't they print character names on the boxes anymore? But I got her.

At Target I found Stacie! I also saw the new Yami Bakura and Yami Marik combo deck set they put out. I want it for Yami Bakura, but I couldn't afford it right then. If it was any other kind of Yami Bakura merchandise I wouldn't have been able to resist, but since I don't have anyone to play with I drag my feet on cards. I definitely plan to get that deck for my Yami Bakura collection, though!

At Walmart I got some muslin for the plushie ears. I still don't understand why they aren't made with ears on in the first place.

I waited several days for possible germs to die before starting the plushies. On Friday I made the ears and expressions. I copied Umbra's from a screenshot and I used Lumis's excited expression from Duel Links, even though I'm doing anime verse and not manga verse. The expression is just too cute! Saturday night into Sunday morning I worked on Umbra's hair. It's always hard dealing with fake fur hair and my finger is sore from pushing hard on the needle. But I love the results! Since they're not Rare Hunters anymore, I'll probably dress them similarly to how I depict them in my fics, in basic dark pants and purple tops. I have a progress picture up: http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com

I also figure I'll need to sew clothes for the Joes. I can't find anything that looks canon-accurate around, and a blog I found this morning warned that a lot of clothes don't fit Joes because some of them have big hands. I don't think mine do, but I can't be sure until they show up. I was going to use Luke to help me make clothing patterns today, assuming that the Joes and the Star Wars figures have the same bodies, but since Nesbitt is coming tomorrow, I think maybe I'll wait and have him help me instead. Nesbitt probably is a pilot, so it wouldn't look odd for him to sit around in the clothes he comes with for a while. I learned that some Joes and Star Wars figures have the same bodies, but I can't find out if the highly articulated ones do. I'm not sure Nesbitt has bendable knees, though, so his body might be more like the 1996 Star Wars ones that didn't bend the knees. But I'm not sure, because his hands are amazing and the FINGERS bend! I love it!

We've been watching some Star Wars movies and I had to write a bizarre blurb where Nesbitt is frozen in carbonite and Lector is able to release him (thankfully after a short period of time, unlike poor Han). I doubt I'll post it in any story, and maybe it won't even make it to 31 Days. But it was interesting to write. So far I gave no explanation for how it happened or why such a thing exists on Earth. I might if I flesh it out more. I'd certainly have to if I ever plan to really use it in something.

I also decided to look up Jason Wingreen, who voiced Boba Fett, and Jeremy Bulloch, who played him physically. I somehow stumbled on a hilarious interview where he said that in rehearsal he tripped on Darth Vader's cape and they both fell down and got tangled up, **snerk.** And then he flubbed a line and said "Put Captain Cargo in the Solo Hold." I've been giggling about that all day. I still wish I could get a 12 inch Boba Fett to match my Star Wars figures, but he still remains one of the hardest to get in the set. I should have tried to get one years ago, when they were first out. I remember watching my brother bring home his electronic Boba Fett with goggle-eyed interest. There's an electronic one on eBay for not too bad a price, but the Try Me button doesn't work. If I'm buying an electronic figure, I expect it to talk to me! I'd be fine with the Collector Series one too, even though I like the electronic one better, but it's also very elusive.

Since I've been having so much trouble finding out things about Barbies, like whether they're hollow or solid, or what characters they are, and this new problem about G. I. Joes and Star Wars figures, I'm slightly considering doing a blog on Blogger or somewhere talking about my collecting and things I've discovered on my own. Surely I can't be the only person who wonders things like this! It would be nice to be able to pass on my knowledge in case anyone else is having problems about such things.

Current Mood: amused

So. Coronavirus. Definitely not happy about it, and disturbed that it's become so difficult to find antibacterial hand wipes. But we have found some baby wipes, so have to be grateful for those.

Of course, the Rockapella concert has been cancelled again, and this time everyone's getting refunded because they don't know when they can reschedule. I wish they'd do it at the holidays so it could be the Christmas concert I wanted and paid for in the first place.

Sad about the "non-essential" stores closing, since I feel like people need to still have something fun around for cheering up, but I understand the reasoning behind it. I just hope they won't end up staying closed longer than estimated, but I'm afraid they will be. (Plus, some stores' ideas of "non-essential" are making me WTH. Seriously, JC Penney thinks it has to close? What is non-essential about clothes? What if someone needs clothes and can't find any that fit at Walmart? I've been needing pants desperately and couldn't find the right size at Walmart for weeks. I finally did this week, though. Whew.)

At least fun things are available in stores that are still open. I even found a Scooby-Doo shirt that has Scrappy on it! Who would have thought they'd ever make an official shirt with Scrappy that's a nice shirt and not bashing him? I just wish it wasn't almost as thin as mesh. Seriously, why do people think women want to wear things like that? I haven't bought it because of that, but unless they restock it, I suppose I won't have the chance to get it another time. I'm happy it's popular. Hopefully that will show Warner that Scrappy is not universally hated like Cartoon Network tries to make everyone think.

Of course, the isolation part of things isn't that hard for me to deal with aside from lack of stores to visit, since I'm an introvert and usually stay home anyway. I've been going about my business: writing, talking to people online, watching things....

I've watched almost all of season 1 of Yu Yu Hakusho. I love the characters, and indeed, I've developed an appreciation for Hiei at last. But the show is really too violent for me sometimes, and I really dislike that this Dark Tournament thing runs a season and a half. I don't particularly want to watch that many episodes of Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the others getting the stuffing beat out of them. And I definitely don't want to see some of the things that happen to other characters, like apparently there's a whole episode revolving around a creep who defeats his opponents via my most hated death trope. Seriously?! I would, however, like to see a few of the intense episodes, like where Genkai is killed and where they think Kuwabara is dead. But I can't see myself watching all episodes of the Dark Tournament. It is frustrating, though, because I love the characters and want to see their adventures.

I also, after 11 years, managed to feel ready to watch The Princess and the Frog. That's how long it can take me to be able to deal with something that revolves around a lesser-hated trope, even though I was excited about it when it was first coming out because I loved the New Orleans setting and music and enjoyed the return to traditional animation. Having watched it, I loved the characters more than the film itself, I think. Heh. Charlotte's obsession with marrying a prince was kind of annoying, but I forgave it all because she was such an adorable friend! She could have blown a fuse when she realized that the prince she'd hoped to have had fallen in love with her friend, but instead, she fully supported them and thought it was wonderful. I had to snort at Naveen changing within the two or three days the plot took place, but that's standard Hollywood fare. Suspending disbelief, it was very sweet and moving. I loved how Naveen and Tiana each helped the other grow and develop into better people. That was lovely. And the reason I finally watched the film in the first place, hoping for inspiration for my current New Orleans fic, well, I'm basing my current villain on Dr. Facilier (although of course he can't transform people into creatures).

Downside, I haven't ever seen an animated Disney film so crude. Usually I only see one or two backside jokes, but in this film, every few minutes they had to make another one! It was like they were obsessed and couldn't think of anything else to make jokes about. And of course, I didn't like seeing the trope I hate of people turned into animals. And I hated that they killed off Ray. It was sweet that he could be with Evangeline, and that it could give everyone comfort, but the film had been light-hearted all the way along in spite of the weird stuff happening. Suddenly killing a beloved character at the climax drastically changed the mood and left a bad taste in my mouth. Somehow that seems worse than killing a character in the middle of the film, where there's still a lot of time left to recapture a lighter mood later. (But on the other hand, I haven't seen The Lion King or Bambi in years and I don't know how I'd handle those deaths these days either. I didn't handle Mufasa's too well even in a YouTube clip.)

I've kind of wanted to see the film again because I loved Charlotte and Tiana's friendship so much, and I definitely want the dolls Disney has of them, but I don't know if I feel up to seeing the things I didn't like again. Heh. So we'll see which feeling wins out.

Meanwhile, my New Orleans fic decided it needed to get darker than I really intended on it getting. Lector's been wearing down emotionally because of a succession of terrible things happening over this one day (not to mention other things that have been wearing him down over the last year and a half!), and a cruel spirit made him think Nesbitt had been murdered in a gruesome way, pinned to the floor by a sword. It was just too much after everything else and he collapsed. Nesbitt, meanwhile, is lost because the ghosts trapped him in a changing floor plan. But he senses when Lector collapses and is able to find his way back out and get Lector to rally. I adore the squee, but I really think overall I've been way too mean to poor Lector in this fic. Plus, I'm worn-out now from how dark it got and now I'm not sure I want to do a scene in the Zorc fic where Lector is put under the control of the Neo-Orichalcos and Nesbitt has to save him. It would be so developing for Nesbitt, but I don't really feel like doing that dark a scene now and having Lector say so many cruel things to Nesbitt while under the control. That just seems too heartbreaking after how far they've come and what they've been through in this fic. Maybe I'll want to do it after I recover from the darkness of this fic, but we'll see.

I'm also actually playing a 5Ds related event in Duel Links. It's to unlock the Carly Carmine character. I like her from what I've seen in the game, and her story arc parallels Duke's from my old Life After the Tears fic: killed and then brought back working for the bad guys unwillingly while brainwashed. I'm toying with whether that arc could give me inspiration for the Zorc fic when the Neo-Orichalcos comes back. Maybe I should do that with a character. Not sure if I'd feel up to it, though. I don't normally care about 5Ds at all because of it taking place in a post-apocalyptic Domino City and not knowing if the original characters are okay, but I like Carly enough that I would probably occasionally play as her in 5Ds world if I unlock her, same as I occasionally play in GX world with Jesse or Tyranno.

I requested a picture from ElfBean that will be in the climax of the current fic, Nesbitt rescuing Johnson from an exploded ship and the others gathered around to help get him out of the water. It looks incredible! Squeee.

I've continued to draw some of my own, too. Still trying to improve my craft. http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com ElfBean's pictures can all be seen from my Favorites.

I always have a need and longing to RP, and Lisa was very sweet and did a specific storyline with me that I've longed to do. And now I think I've found a longtime RP partner in Kohakuhime. I was going to put out feelers to find a complete stranger to RP with, but then I thought of her and felt she would be a lot of fun to RP with, since I already know her and know she likes many of the same story elements that I do. We've been RPing on Skype and it's a blast. I'd forgotten how fun instant message RPing is. IM programs are so different than they used to be too; you can just leave the conversations up all the time and they can be added to whether someone's online at the time or not. I love it!

Current Mood: calm

I have a RedBubble store. http://LuckyLadybug.redbubble.com Text-only, YGO-only for now. But some people like text shirts, so why not. There's an official fanart program for a few categories there, and maybe I can try to draw something for Steven Universe or We Bare Bears to get in on that sometime, because that's awesome. I wish they'd add YGO, though. I would be absolutely over the moon to design official YGO shirts!

Still writing YGO/Big Five-centric fics and loving it. Just finished the latest and will be doing a fourth New Orleans fic. Looking for names for Lector's parents for this one. I didn't want to bother before, but now I think I'll need to show their names. I'm debating between Amelie and Desiree for Mrs. Leichter and I'm not sure at all for Mr. Leichter. I suppose, since most names have very positive meanings and he's a creep, I'll have to go with an ironic name. So far the only ones standing out to me are Gerard or Jean-Louis. Also not sure if I want to go with Desiree for Mrs. Leichter. It fits really well, but I knew someone by that name and I try not to name characters after people I know. It usually ends up feeling too awkward in the writing, especially if the character isn't very nice.

Yami Marik has finally met Zorc at the end of the current fic. Zorc, however, will convince him they should wait a while to start wreaking havoc together, since everyone will be tense and on guard and they should be caught off-guard. (Thanks, Crystal Rose of Pollux!) It makes sense character-wise and plot-wise and also for the fact that I'm not ready to tackle that dark story yet. I'm planning more strongly for it, though, and I probably will write it this year. It will start with Shadow Games and Neo-Orichalcos coming back in full force everywhere and the gang getting overwhelmed and trying to figure out what's with the influx of evil. Eventually they track it to its source and the battle will begin. I hope Yami Bakura will be ready, since this is the battle that will decide whether he gets a second chance. I of course plan to keep writing stories after this one, although this one probably will end up feeling like a changing of the status quo.

I'm already starting to do that, though. I introduced a little Azureshipping in the previous fic. Don't know how much it will advance at the current point in time; in the past the Azureshipping didn't happen until stories set further along in the timeline, but the ways things ended up going in the current timeline, it turned out that it made sense to introduce it in the present-day.

Still getting pictures from ElfBean, squeee. I have 12 now. I want to print them out in a binder. They're all just so beautiful and she captures the characters' expressions so well! http://www.elfbean.com I thoroughly recommend her if anyone wants to be blown away by quality commissions!

A friend sent me three Ponies! So excited. I haven't been able to get them here because they sell out too fast. She got Starflower, Pinwheel, and Trickles. I'm thrilled Starflower is really blue! So many times they look blue on the boxes and then they're green or turquoise in person. Seems like there actually aren't many Ponies that are outright blue. Pinwheel looks like a cake Pony, with the pinwheels as lighted candles and the deep pink the shade of cake frosting, so I think of her as a birthday Pony. Trickles is totally an April girl! Beautiful yellow with multi-colored hair and watering can symbols.

I went to the antique mall that has two buildings to hold everything and had fun browsing everything. I haven't been there in a long time and it was nice to catch up. Saw some things I was interested in, mainly Trolls, but didn't get anything yet because I'm not in a good place for money at the moment. (Plus I still like buying things new in box the most. I keep hoping I can get some Trolls that way online if I get in a better money position. I just don't care much for the Dreamworks versions and I want the Dam or Russ Trolls.)

Mom and I finally saw the LOTR films again and I kind of got the urge to make Hobbit plushies. But I don't know when that will happen; the latest plushie base I got I still want to use for Mokuba. Even though it will be weird for him to be the same size as everyone else, it's just too sad not to have Mokuba. I also want to make Lumis and Umbra. Still trying to figure out how to replicate Umbra's fun hair. I also want the LOTR figures I'm missing. I used Amazon gift cards to get Eomer and Eowyn (squeee), but most others I don't have I can get cheaper on eBay. I thought it was neat and squeeable to be able to get the siblings together. I'm amazed Amazon had good prices on them, since they're out of print.

Still drawing. http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com Mostly YGO, occasionally other things, especially if it's a giftpic or a request. I finally got commission info up. I forgot I hadn't put it on dA. Two people wanted requests and then I realized I didn't have commission info up, and since their requests were nice, I did both of them for free but said future requests would have to be commissions.

Hulu has Yu Yu Hakusho. I only ever saw four episodes of that, but I remembered the show fondly, so I decided to watch. I'm to episode 12 now. Definitely enjoying it aside from Yusuke's disgusting perverted moments. Hoping he doesn't do that now that he's back. The episodes I saw years ago were still just as exciting and Kurama is still just as easy to like. Still don't like Hiei, but he must get a ton of character development since he ends up joining the good guys. I expect I'll end up liking him. Interesting that the anime was so old, 1992, but they only brought it to America ten years later. I remember the excitement of it coming out, and my friends seeing the new episodes. I couldn't because I didn't have access. I think the four episodes I saw were the only ones the library had. How things have changed.

Despite only having seen four episodes, I remember debating many times on getting figures. I especially wanted Botan and Kurama. Looking at them now, the prices on eBay for those old out of print figures aren't too unreasonable. Kuwabara, on the other hand, is apparently really hard to get hold of, which is frustrating because he's freaking adorable. I adored episode 3, with him being so protective of his friends, and he loves kitties, as shown in episode 5! Squeee. I also loved that he wouldn't steal when that possessed bully tried to make him do so, and he bought manga instead. Wow, though, I wonder how the voice actor ever managed to do his voice. Seems like he'd make himself hoarse by the end of every episode!

I absolutely love how anime has become more of a mainstream thing now and it's so easy to find so many series and merchandise for them officially! But on the other hand, I'm rather sad that it seems like there aren't a lot of new anime series to get excited about these days. I still need to try My Hero Academia, but aside from it, nothing that's currently out seems that exciting or interesting. I imagine there are niche gems out there, though. But I miss the excitement of everybody being into the different anime series and how fun it was being in on that. It kind of feels like those days are long past. I feel old remembering back to those years. I still long to recapture that excitement about the series I still love, like YGO, and there are still some who are enjoying it with me. Definitely happy about that! But I still miss everybody I used to hang with. There are a lot of people I'd like to look up and check in on, but I have no idea how to go about it.

Also thinking that the YGO dub, aside from changing or removing a line or two, actually seemed to take a lot more care with the Big Five in season 3 than the original did. (Which is ironic given what a train wreck the dub made of their Duelist Kingdom storyline, having them plot to murder Seto when that wasn't what they wanted to do at all!) I mean, Noa's arc doesn't even get its own opening in Japanese! They're stuck with the Battle City opening and song! The dub made a whole opening just for that arc, and each Big Five member got his own unique and thoughtfully written theme.... Lector's gets used many times after that arc, because it was just too awesome for them to give up, heh. Although I wish they wouldn't use it as background music when Yami Marik's up to no good sometimes. The Big Five also get mentioned one by one in the English character guide, and I'm not sure the Japanese character guide did likewise. I watched a video of a guy looking through it, and I only saw them in Duel Monster form. No human form pictures, no lineart.... I almost wonder if the animation was so inconsistent for some of them because the animators didn't bother to do lineart for them! I long so badly to see character sheets for them, full-body illustrations and practicing different expressions on them, that kind of thing. Then the dub eliminated Crump being a pervert, which certainly made him a nicer character in some ways. (Although he was still totally sadistic, ugh.) The dub also made Lector more justice-driven and added that lovely Southern accent, so I and Vivian Wong can both swoon, lol. (Yeah, Vivian is bothering Lector in the fics....) I find it very intriguing that the dub did so much with the characters like that.

Puzzle & Dragons did a YGO event last month and I was able to download the game and get in on it. I got several characters, even the one I wanted most, Yami Bakura! Also got Yami Marik, whom I didn't really want, heh. But I'm glad I got any of them, and I hope they'll hold the event again. I love the team I have with Yami Bakura, Tea, Kuriboh, Mystical Elf, and Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

Current Mood: thoughtful

Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I wish I could be?
And I can fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings

Just thinking how happy and grateful I am for all of my friends. Anyone who has ever shared special times with me through the years has a place in my heart that will never go away or change, no matter what else changes. Truly, I would be nothing without all of you.

Current Mood: cheerful

I am not kidding. Last night we started hearing weird noises. At first it sounded like someone going up and down stairs, but no one was there to do that (unless it was one of the ghosts Mom and I know hang out here). A little later, more odd sounds. The house makes lots of odd sounds all the time, and has been doing it even more the last couple of months, so I didn't pay a great deal of attention ... although when it kept happening I got more suspicious. Then I went into the kitchen and heard a distinctive crash of something metal. I thought either a cat was locked in the garage or that maybe I'd forgot to lock the door and a creep was in there. I turned on the light ... and saw the attic was caving in. Dad's been trying to fix up the basement and apparently he stored too much stuff up there. Gah. It looked sturdy, but it apparently wasn't as sturdy as it seemed. I had to wake him up and he didn't believe me at first, but then I got him to go look and he saw I was right. He had to hurry out there and find stuff to try to brace it so it wouldn't get worse. I had him turn off the electricity in the garage today, so that if it tears free and takes out an electric cord hooking up a lightbulb attached to a beam right over the mess, there won't be the potential of the cord breaking and starting a fire. He's hoping to get some people to help him tomorrow with a truck and getting beams from Home Depot to try to fix this mess before it gets even worse. He said it wasn't as bad as it looked and that it was one little section falling in, but honestly, it looks to me like the whole thing is strained and could all come down at any time. I hope he's right that the beams still standing are strong enough to hold it all up with the assistance of the braces.

Man, I'm sure glad no one was in the attic when that happened. Or in the garage. Some of the boxes fell through the floor and hit the garage floor, and more are poised to do that if something doesn't hold in the bracing.

Ugggh. My Ginger and Lou webcomic was originally created to document house problems large and small. I feel like I should try to make a comic out of this mess. Maybe turning it into something to laugh at will help. Hearing the weird noises, dismissing them, and then finding the attic caving in would work. I don't know if I'll keep it that it's happening in their house, though. I don't want to break their house. I might have it be something weird happening at a bed and breakfast they're staying at or something.

One thing that was certainly a comfort amid all the madness was the awesome package I got yesterday from ThickerThanLove! Squeeee. She surprised me with a ton of Sailor Moon CDs, a couple of the old TokyoPop comics (one from R arc and one from S arc), a charm necklace, and two YGO DVDs! It was incredible! So much awesomeness. She said she was sending a little something, and I sure never expected anything like that!

I also had some nice conversations in the nighttime and into the morning. I was talking to JP when the attic caved in and was exclaiming to him about it. I've also been renewing an old friendship and it's been wonderful.

I did end up buying those magnets, by the way, and they arrived on Thursday. So much awesomeness there, too! The seller was only missing a few out of the 100 set, and almost everything there had doubles. I have two Yami Bakura magnets, one regular and one shiny, and the same for Seto! And many cute Yugi ones, and some awesome Atem ones, and there's also Joey and Mai. And Pegasus. I need to contact the friends I know who like Pegasus and ask if they'd like my Pegasus doubles....

I wish the Japanese PVC figures weren't so expensive I can't afford them, because they're so awesome! I would like to have them all, but I would especially like the previously mentioned Yami Bakura one, of course, and also both Marik and Yami Marik. The Yamis I don't have in figure form at all, and even though I have the Mattel Marik figures, this one is in a class by himself! If I ever could get them (which I never could), I'd probably display Yami Marik with the freaky face option he comes with so I could get a good laugh, LOL. As horrifying as the faces are, they also amuse me in a "WTH, you are seriously messed up" kind of way. Mom commented on what it would be like to wake up with that looking at you every day. LOL.

We also have dental appointments this week. I'm really hoping that will work out even with this attic mess, because I've needed to see about a tooth that's been bothering me for ages. We go to my brother dentists, and the nearest one practices about an hour away, and it's been difficult getting up there. I'll have to miss the activity with the church girls this week, most likely, but I think I need to jump on the chance to finally be able to see about the tooth.

I can't deny I'm also hoping that while I'm up there, I'll be able to both get to at least one Toys R Us and also see about my smartphone or tablet problem at Target (maybe). I wore out every possibility of getting Duel Links to work now, including Android emulators. The only way anything will work here is if I install it on a device Dad uses frequently, as those are the only ones with current operating systems. I really don't want to do that and I don't think he would like it too much either. I want to have the freedom of having it on a device of my own, so I can do whatever I want with it. The phone just doesn't seem to be working out; it doesn't have enough free space because of all the bloatware. I'm concerned to get it and try it because of that. It's a ZTE Maven 3, and the reviews for it are pretty frightening. I'm now leaning instead towards getting a Fire tablet. Google Play Store can be installed on it (I've read about and seen demonstrations of how) and people have been playing Duel Links on it and say it works beautifully. Plus, my poor tablet really is getting on and I think I need a more recent tablet anyway to handle some other stuff that isn't working on the old tablet anymore. Even if I could get the Maven 3 phone to work, I think a tablet would be a better choice in the long run. Fire tablet is about the only tablet I can afford that has good reviews. And even at that, it's a strain right now. I need a Target gift card from one of my survey companies to really hope to make it work. I have enough, but the last few points haven't processed yet. Hoping they will in time....

Then Toys R Us.... I don't think it's really sunk in yet that they're all going. I knew that would probably happen once they filed for bankruptcy, but I still hoped. And there's a businessman right now who's trying to get enough money to save 400 of the stores. I don't think he's going to make it, but he and the people able to donate are sure trying. His fundraiser goes through Memorial Day. http://www.gofundme.com/helpsavetoysrus/

Anyway, with that slim hope, I keep wanting to believe they really won't all shut down. But I know they likely will, and regardless, I want to get to the liquidation sales before everything good is gone. So much of the good stuff flew out of K-Mart so fast, like the Pony stuff and the Miraculous Ladybug figures at the nearest branch. I would like to go to both the Toys R Us up in the approximate area of the dentist and also the one closest to us, but definitely at least one of them. And I suppose I'll need to prepare to break down crying when I really see everything going. It was hard enough with K-Mart and Borders. (Not so hard with Media Play, because then they just changed ownership and names and the store basically stayed the same, with 85% of the same contents.) I love Toys R Us much more.

One thing I do know: I'm pretty sure that I do not want to see any Toys R Us on the last days it's open. It was too hard and too wrong seeing that with K-Mart especially.

And I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love the Evanescence song Imperfection and why. Of course, what really frustrates me about it is the unnecessary F word. I always liked that Evanescence didn't swear in their songs, and then they go and do it in a really beautiful one, one of the only recent songs of theirs that's really stood out to me. I went through the lyrics of the songs I hadn't heard from their vinyl compilation album as well as Synthesis (neither of which I even knew about until recently) and Imperfection was one of the only ones I really liked. Luckily for me, I found a clean version someone put up that I can play on Repeat while I'm learning the song myself. I can mostly sing it now. (And needless to say, yes, I'm singing it clean.)

Just on its own merits, I think the message of the song is quite powerful. And then for me, I can relate it to my current YGO verse and that makes me love it more.

To elaborate: I picture it during a fight between good and evil, perhaps THE fight that's started looming over everybody since my verse began with The Pendulum Swings. Yami Bakura has always struggled with trying to be good, since he's lived most of his life in hate. Shadi has warned him if he fails, the Infinity Ring will abandon him and he will be burned alive and fall to the shadows. No pressure. (**sarcasm.**) But Bakura insists he can do it, and that he will always be there to help him. He also insists that Yami Bakura is good, despite Yami Bakura's insistence to the contrary. The song, to me, is Bakura trying to buoy him up, encourage him that he can do this, and that he isn't alone. And also, that Bakura loves him just as he is, that even in spite of the embarrassment of him eating like a wild animal and him still getting a kick out of teasing people by scaring them (albeit more harmlessly now), Bakura could never and would never replace him.

My version, then, with two slightly tweaked words, goes like this:

The more you try to fight it
The more you try to hide it
The more infected, rejected, you feel alone inside it
You know you can't deny it
The world gets a little more screwed up everyday

I'm gonna save you from it
Together we'll outrun it
Just don't give into the fear
So many things I would've told you
If I knew that I was never gonna see you again

I wanna lift you up into the light that you deserve
I wanna take your pain into myself so you won't hurt

Don't you dare surrender
Don't leave me here without you
'Cause I could never
Replace your perfect imperfection

The way you look us over
Your counterfeit composure
Pushing again and again and sinking lower and lower
The world is on our shoulders
Do you really know the weight of the words you say?

You want a little of it
You just can't let go of it
You've got an ego to feed
Too late to rise above it
Don't look now but the little boy's got a grenade

I'm gonna lift you up into the light you deserve
I'm gonna take you down to the real world so you can watch it burn

Don't you dare surrender
Don't leave me here without you
'Cause I would never
Replace your perfect imperfection

We stand undefined
Can't be drawn with a straight line
This will not be our ending
We are alive, we are alive

Don't you dare surrender
Don't leave me here without you
'Cause I would never
Replace your perfect imperfection

Don't you dare surrender
I'm still right beside you
And I would never
Replace your perfect imperfection

And then alternately, strictly thinking of canon, I've also pictured the song as Rishid to Marik as Marik's trying to fight against Yami Marik. I like that interpretation too, but I do find myself partial to the Bakura and Yami Bakura version in my fic verse.

Current Mood: happy

So Facebook sent me one of its erratic notifications saying that someone posted a new picture. It was actually an album's worth of pictures, from a visit she made here a couple weeks ago for what looks like her sister's high school graduation. I looked through them all and ended up feeling pretty sad. So I guess that answers the question. I wasn't upset before just because of teetering emotions, even if that was part of it. Looks like I'm just going to continue being emotional for who knows why. Maybe the dam finally broke and stuff I bottled up for ages is just going to keep coming out.

I worked with this lady for a long time doing the church activities I still do for the 8-11 girls age group. She was probably the one I worked with the longest (three-ish years or more, I believe). I was so upset when I knew she was going to move, but eh, everyone I like always seems to do that sooner or later, so I think I tried to push back how much it hurt because I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to deal with it.

I don't know that we were really even that close. At least, it certainly wasn't like it ended up with the first girl I worked with, whom I still hang out with and will hopefully be seeing this week. This lady and I didn't really associate outside of working together. But there were friendly gestures, like she loaned me her brown permanent marker when I was making the Lou plushie and needed the brown for his eyes, and she took pictures of me holding the Ginger and Lou plushies when I had them to a point that I was ready to show them off.

There were planning meetings with just the two of us; for a while it was just us, and we'd have the activities at her house. (Funny story: the layout of her house is nearly identical to the current house of the girl I worked with first, the one I called my movie-going friend, so there's always that reminder of her when I'm over there.) And while I've had happy times all along and enjoy the company of every lady I've worked with, I think I was the happiest when it was just the two of us having cozy activities for the girls at her house. Another of my happiest activity memories is when the two of us and the only four girls who showed up to that particular activity played Capture the Flag in the church gym. There have been two other Capture the Flag activities since then, with a larger group, and honestly, they just don't come close to the happiness and fun of the time with the small group. Go figure.

Then there were a couple of misunderstandings that I feel terrible about. There was one time when we had activities planned for several months, and then she had to pull one of hers out, and naturally that moved the other activities up on the schedule. I was worried wondering how to work it because then ones that wouldn't have happened yet were coming up sooner and I needed to coordinate at least one of them and I wasn't prepared. I needed her help about something to do with it and somehow something I said gave her the impression that I was telling her that things were her fault. I felt awful. I was just trying to explain that since she'd had to pull the one activity, it moved the others up on the schedule and we needed to get going with planning those sooner than originally thought.

Then a mortifying incident when she was moving. I wanted to give her a card, but they'd already left the old house and I wasn't sure how to get it to her. She didn't offer an address to mail it to, but said they'd be checking the old house's mail a couple more times. And ugh, Facebook was being such a memory-hogging pain and wrecking the browser's performance, so I couldn't stand to be on it and I immediately closed it after asking the question of when to leave the card, and it didn't notify me of her reply, and I was mortified since it only came in a minute or two after I'd posted. I didn't think it would be easily understood how awful Facebook tends to act for me, and I was frustrated that I'd missed the chance to get the card to her. I asked if there would be any other chances and I also managed to miss that reply. Ugh, I hate Facebook so much. I felt like sinking through the floor that I'd missed that one too. And I also felt bad not to be able to get the card to her, but I wondered if I was just being a bother and she didn't even really want it since she didn't give me an address. I think she was staying with her parents at the time. She probably didn't feel she should give out their address, but eh, I felt awkward and didn't know what to do and I still have the card in my bag.

We haven't really interacted since then. We're both quiet, reserved people, which I suppose accounts for the misunderstandings and such. Probably neither of us wants to do anything to impose. Maybe she thought I was trying to give the card as a dutiful gesture or something and she didn't want to put me to any trouble if that was the reason I wrote it. I don't know.

There have been some slight interactions in the way of Liking posts and comments on Facebook. Maybe I should try seeing if her email still works and ask how things are going. Since there was some post Liking, maybe she's not still upset with me (if she ever was to begin with). If I remember right, I stopped using the email because she had to pay more for using email. But maybe she has a better set-up at the new home.

Bleh, I don't know what to do with myself. This is just stupid. Ever since I saw the picture post, I've been crying off and on missing her so flippin' much. I love the ladies I work with now, but I wish she was still here. I wasn't ready to let her go.

Current Mood: sad

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The Winter Court of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

We were so carefree then, our hearts were on a cloud ...

Entries tagged with friends

Mandatory Check-In

Downs and ups.

So much cute!

Finally, a happy post!

Happy Birthday in Heaven

WTH, G5?

If you believe in forever ...

Ugh.

Yesss!

And that's the way it is.

Yay fics.

One of my favorite songs ...

The attic is falling down.

Sigh. Oh brother.