The Winter Court of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

I'm tired.

I'm tired and sad and worn-down. But I have to keep dealing with the problems that are plaguing us and I have to be stretched thin trying to take care of everything and not having help with some of the problems.

My dad is practically blind. He needs help with all sorts of things. My mom has Alzheimer's and is very needy. She gets distressed if I'm not around, even just if I need to go into the basement for a bit to help Dad with something down there. It makes it very hard to get things done. There are a couple of others who are able to help Dad from time to time, but I'm about the only one who can help Mom. I have to dread each day wondering if I'm going to be mistaken for my aunt, my grandmother, or another version of myself. Any day when there isn't a distressing flip-out that takes ages to repair is something to celebrate. I've had to say goodbye to so many things we loved to do together that she doesn't like anymore. And the more I think about it, the more I think that the symptoms were starting to show years ago. I thought some of the things she said for years were extra strange, but it was only last year that it really became apparent what was happening.

I just wish we could all be happy again like we used to be, but I know that is highly unlikely to happen. Things have just been getting worse and worse in so many ways ever since 2019, at least. I can't stop longing for healing miracles, especially when we watch true stories like on It's a Miracle, but it doesn't seem like anything like that is in store. I just wonder why we can't have amazing healing miracles like those people have. Why aren't we good enough or deserving enough? Of course, there are no answers. I don't need to be preached at that life is full of trials, or that we're supposed to go through trials, yadda yadda. Why this trial in particular? What are we supposed to get out of it? What I get out of it is that Alzheimer's is Hell and I despise it with all of my heart and soul. And it kind of runs in the family. I'm terrified it may be my fate in the future. I don't want it! It is tragic to see an intelligent woman crumble like this. She used to spend hours writing letters and poems to cheer people up. Now most of her writing is devoted to letters to nonexistent people she's determined to deliver to real houses, or letters to real people about things that never happened. Why did God let this happen so she can't really serve Him anymore as she so loved to do? She touched so many lives for good. She could have done more.

I try to find escapes in online things, but I often find drama, unfriendliness, and story reviews dwindling close to nothing. I don't feel like I belong or am wanted most places, and the places where I do feel welcome enough aren't as active as I would like. I do have happiness talking and RPing with certain people, but those numbers have dwindled a bit too. What I do have means everything to me. I cling to the fictional characters' realities where things are happier than reality.

Retail therapy is still a thing for me. I have some more adorable Eevees now. I got the cute Tomy one, and the seller included two more plushies as extras! Popplio, whom I intended to get since she's Sandy's friend, and a tiny Eevee I have as the child of the Tomy one. I also bought Gigantimax Eevee.

I got the Pokemon Center's Christmas Eevee shortly before he sold out. I also found the autumn Eevee with pumpkin on my birthday. That was a special treat! Then Target finally got the sitting down 24 inch Eevee in stock again and I bought him. Those and finally getting to play Pokemon Go were the highlights of October. Most of the month was terrible.

I have three Eevee ornaments, the two Hallmark ones and one from the Pokemon Center. The latter is so heavy I was afraid it would fall off the tree, so I have her standing up on my filing cabinet. She and my other Eevees all brighten my days immensely. Their innocent faces are just precious.

I've needed to buy my own Christmas presents again this year. I've found a lot of lovely things for myself as well as my parents, and friends are starting to send awesome things too. It's hard to wait to open everything! Only two weeks to go. I pray desperately that Christmas can be nice and magical, like when I was a child, but I know the reality is that something will very likely go wrong, as it has on all holidays and my birthday lately, or the day right after.

Please, God, let us have a happy Christmas....

It has been extremely stressful almost from the time I last wrote anything here. I discovered the worst pain I have ever had in my life, which seems to have been caused by rupturing ovarian cysts, and I'm still trying to get my body back to normal. There's other cysts that may or may not be cancerous, although the doctor doesn't really think they are. He didn't even see the ultrasound pictures, though! He just read the hospital's report! We're waiting to see if the blasted things shrink on their own while I try some natural remedies and foods that are supposed to help. The doctor doesn't think food has anything to do with it, but I've found that my problems and the pain seem to pivot around foods. I've mostly felt a lot better and I discovered standing and walking are very helpful. I racked up a horrific bill just from the tests they did and I'm trying to qualify for Medicaid. I just thought everything was okay and now they seem to be demanding I redo all the information again?! WTH?! Aurgh! I tried to call them on Friday but couldn't get anyone and I'll have to try again tomorrow.

My birthday was peaceful, at least, but low-key. I still haven't had my outing. We were hoping to try for this coming week, but now we have a new house problem to deal with, as our bathroom light fixture decided to bork and now we have to light it with nightlights. We've been having so many house problems the last few months, mostly plumbing but also some electric issues. Our water pressure is horrendous. It's been wrecked ever since the city forced new pipes on everyone last year, and it's gotten worse for us in the last several months.

To compensate for no outing, I bought a lot of things online to have for my birthday. It was fun, but it doesn't take the place of physically visiting a store. It's the whole experience that's so fun, not just buying things. Although the irony is that I likely wouldn't be able to find much of anything I want in a physical store. It seems like what I want is either cheaper online or only available online.

Some other, more minor stressful things happened the past week, but because of my emotional state dealing with my health problems they tipped me over the edge. It's ironic and frustrating that I really try so hard to control myself online, but the few times I just can't take it anymore I get branded as some kind of horrible thing. Also ironic is that while they're thinking how awful I am, I'm emotionally tearing myself to pieces for weeks afterward because I said or did something that hurt someone. I have a lot of problems with anxiety and have for years. I've never been officially diagnosed, but reading up on the symptoms certainly matches my states of mind when I go into those ways and I fully believe I have an anxiety disorder. I would love to talk to a therapist, but we can't afford that either. And I certainly can't think about that when we're not sure the Medicaid went through. If I can really qualify for ongoing Medicaid and not just temporary, maybe then I can consider a therapist. I only really realized how badly I needed one two and a half years ago when I sank into a really bad depression and self-loathing state. A friend who is a therapist in another state really helped me a lot to be able to pull out of it. If only she lived here. I had a small-scale setback into such a state this past week because of those stressful things and what happened because of them. That friend plus other friends have been helping me pull out of it again and helping me see that I'm not the scum of the earth, which is how I was feeling.

I also lapsed into another frantic "Buy, buy, buy!" mode this past week, like I did in April when the lockdown started. Apparently that's going to be a thing with me now and I've developed full-blown retail therapy problems when under extreme stress. Although at least I'm not buying up everything under the sun; I still study things out for days to get what I really want. This round I wanted YGO things and I bought an official YGO coloring book and one of the Scholastic character guides, this one focusing on the villains. I wish I'd known about all these wonderful YGO things Scholastic put out at the time. I was looking and looking for things like that and could never find them. Apparently they did a whole line of character guides in 2006. I wonder why they waited until then. That was when the show ended!

I wrote all of the Whumptober prompts into a connected storyline and am posting them. I was delayed for several days when the worst of my physical pains were happening, but I've got back on track and am posting on the correct days again. I'm trying to do the Comfortember ones too, but they aren't plunnying me as much, so I'm not sure I'll do all of them. But I don't have any other story ideas other than expanding one of Nesbitt's hallucinations into a full fic really happening and taking place in another verse, so I want to keep trying. I love to write and feel like to not be able to is to lock part of my soul away.

The hallucination I want to expand is for Dartz to trick Nesbitt into using the Orichalcos. For some reason I've been wanting to write a storyline similar to Mai's season 4 arc. I don't know why, really, because that was gut-wrenching. But I finally figured out how to work it in a way I like. Nesbitt is feeling horrible because of his weakness in almost abandoning the others in Noa's world, so Dartz preys on that and tells him the Orichalcos will make him strong. In Nesbitt's state of mind, he believes that and thinks it will help him be a better friend, so he accepts it and then it corrupts him. He has no idea about soul-stealing or swallowing the world with a giant sea snake until after it corrupts him, which seemed to be the same with Mai in canon. In the dub, at least, Dartz most certainly doesn't tell her any of those things until she agrees to accept it. You can see in her face that the corruption is instantaneous. Very chilling.

As much as I love and adore Lector and have given him some of my personality traits in how I write for him, I really went to town with Nesbitt and base him on me even more. His insecurities, his struggles with his weaknesses, blurting things out he shouldn't and beating himself up over it, his asexuality, is all based on me. In the Japanese he doesn't seem to have some of his issues, like wanting to pretend he's a machine, so I deliberately write him based on the dub version because I find his manias so interesting and a writing goldmine. I do, however, use his Japanese backstory in how Seto treats him, which was even more appalling than in the dub. He tells Nesbitt not to get underfoot when the new engineer arrives, aurgh. So cruel when Nesbitt was the top engineer! (And semi-related, I read a short fic on Crump based on the Japanese version where Seto said something horrible to him when he brought the idea of a penguin sanctuary and theme park, something about crushing Crump like a soda can if he didn't drop the idea?! If that was really what he said in the Japanese, horrible! And of course, Seto learned all that kind of behavior from Gozaburo. So sickening how Gozaburo poisoned that once-innocent mind.) Honestly, aside from them letting Pegasus take Mokuba, I'm more on the Big Five's side than Seto's, up to the point where they first start messing with virtual reality. As horrible as Seto treated them, that wasn't justified. I wish the dub hadn't inserted a murder plot in season 1 that didn't exist. I can't even watch that episode in the original dub anymore because that sickens me so. I always watch it in the uncut dub instead. I'm glad that was one of the few episodes that made it into the uncut dub.

I'm still getting pictures from ElfBean. Her latest is from my fic where Lector is a vigilante and I just adore it so much!

I feel like drawing a picture of Lector laying on his bed in his dress shirt and pants and tie, looking up at the ceiling. Usually it's Nesbitt I depict without his suitcoat, but after an RP scene I feel like I really want to show Lector like that too, squeee. He would look amazing! (Of course, he always looks amazing, heh.)

I had a really awesome and fun dream the other day about playing a video game where the player is interacting with the Big Five. Their memories have been mysteriously wiped and the goal is to help them find something they're looking for and restore their memories. It would work great as a visual novel type game, and apparently there are sites where people can make games like that without years of programming lessons! I definitely want to try it out! I have the sprites from the Nightmare Troubadour game that would be perfect to use in it! They looked so amazing in that game!

This is the checklist of everything I've bought for my birthday and a bit afterwards:

- Set of the first four Anna & Elsa chapter books set after the first Frozen
- The most recent Frozen 5 Minute Stories collection, the red cover one
- Frozen Blu-Ray and DVD combo (if we ever get a Blu-Ray, I can see all the cool bonus content!)
- Star Wars Qui-Gon Jinn 12 inch figure
- Star Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi from episode 1 12 inch figure
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Twisted Nightmares double deck set of Yami Bakura and Yami Marik (sooo awesome and perfect for my Yami Bakura memorabilia collection! There's a game mat with characters on it, and Skill cards with them on them, and cards at the beginning of the decks with them on them.)
- Halloween face mask that says Trick or Treat in an eerie font, perfect to use with my recycled Yami Bakura costume this year
- Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Chaos coloring book
- Yu-Gi-Oh! uncut dub volume 2, The Insector Combo (the only volume of uncut I don't have, and I finally decided I wanted it)
- Yu-Gi-Oh! character guide to villains
- Autumn socks

So. Coronavirus. Definitely not happy about it, and disturbed that it's become so difficult to find antibacterial hand wipes. But we have found some baby wipes, so have to be grateful for those.

Of course, the Rockapella concert has been cancelled again, and this time everyone's getting refunded because they don't know when they can reschedule. I wish they'd do it at the holidays so it could be the Christmas concert I wanted and paid for in the first place.

Sad about the "non-essential" stores closing, since I feel like people need to still have something fun around for cheering up, but I understand the reasoning behind it. I just hope they won't end up staying closed longer than estimated, but I'm afraid they will be. (Plus, some stores' ideas of "non-essential" are making me WTH. Seriously, JC Penney thinks it has to close? What is non-essential about clothes? What if someone needs clothes and can't find any that fit at Walmart? I've been needing pants desperately and couldn't find the right size at Walmart for weeks. I finally did this week, though. Whew.)

At least fun things are available in stores that are still open. I even found a Scooby-Doo shirt that has Scrappy on it! Who would have thought they'd ever make an official shirt with Scrappy that's a nice shirt and not bashing him? I just wish it wasn't almost as thin as mesh. Seriously, why do people think women want to wear things like that? I haven't bought it because of that, but unless they restock it, I suppose I won't have the chance to get it another time. I'm happy it's popular. Hopefully that will show Warner that Scrappy is not universally hated like Cartoon Network tries to make everyone think.

Of course, the isolation part of things isn't that hard for me to deal with aside from lack of stores to visit, since I'm an introvert and usually stay home anyway. I've been going about my business: writing, talking to people online, watching things....

I've watched almost all of season 1 of Yu Yu Hakusho. I love the characters, and indeed, I've developed an appreciation for Hiei at last. But the show is really too violent for me sometimes, and I really dislike that this Dark Tournament thing runs a season and a half. I don't particularly want to watch that many episodes of Yusuke, Kuwabara, and the others getting the stuffing beat out of them. And I definitely don't want to see some of the things that happen to other characters, like apparently there's a whole episode revolving around a creep who defeats his opponents via my most hated death trope. Seriously?! I would, however, like to see a few of the intense episodes, like where Genkai is killed and where they think Kuwabara is dead. But I can't see myself watching all episodes of the Dark Tournament. It is frustrating, though, because I love the characters and want to see their adventures.

I also, after 11 years, managed to feel ready to watch The Princess and the Frog. That's how long it can take me to be able to deal with something that revolves around a lesser-hated trope, even though I was excited about it when it was first coming out because I loved the New Orleans setting and music and enjoyed the return to traditional animation. Having watched it, I loved the characters more than the film itself, I think. Heh. Charlotte's obsession with marrying a prince was kind of annoying, but I forgave it all because she was such an adorable friend! She could have blown a fuse when she realized that the prince she'd hoped to have had fallen in love with her friend, but instead, she fully supported them and thought it was wonderful. I had to snort at Naveen changing within the two or three days the plot took place, but that's standard Hollywood fare. Suspending disbelief, it was very sweet and moving. I loved how Naveen and Tiana each helped the other grow and develop into better people. That was lovely. And the reason I finally watched the film in the first place, hoping for inspiration for my current New Orleans fic, well, I'm basing my current villain on Dr. Facilier (although of course he can't transform people into creatures).

Downside, I haven't ever seen an animated Disney film so crude. Usually I only see one or two backside jokes, but in this film, every few minutes they had to make another one! It was like they were obsessed and couldn't think of anything else to make jokes about. And of course, I didn't like seeing the trope I hate of people turned into animals. And I hated that they killed off Ray. It was sweet that he could be with Evangeline, and that it could give everyone comfort, but the film had been light-hearted all the way along in spite of the weird stuff happening. Suddenly killing a beloved character at the climax drastically changed the mood and left a bad taste in my mouth. Somehow that seems worse than killing a character in the middle of the film, where there's still a lot of time left to recapture a lighter mood later. (But on the other hand, I haven't seen The Lion King or Bambi in years and I don't know how I'd handle those deaths these days either. I didn't handle Mufasa's too well even in a YouTube clip.)

I've kind of wanted to see the film again because I loved Charlotte and Tiana's friendship so much, and I definitely want the dolls Disney has of them, but I don't know if I feel up to seeing the things I didn't like again. Heh. So we'll see which feeling wins out.

Meanwhile, my New Orleans fic decided it needed to get darker than I really intended on it getting. Lector's been wearing down emotionally because of a succession of terrible things happening over this one day (not to mention other things that have been wearing him down over the last year and a half!), and a cruel spirit made him think Nesbitt had been murdered in a gruesome way, pinned to the floor by a sword. It was just too much after everything else and he collapsed. Nesbitt, meanwhile, is lost because the ghosts trapped him in a changing floor plan. But he senses when Lector collapses and is able to find his way back out and get Lector to rally. I adore the squee, but I really think overall I've been way too mean to poor Lector in this fic. Plus, I'm worn-out now from how dark it got and now I'm not sure I want to do a scene in the Zorc fic where Lector is put under the control of the Neo-Orichalcos and Nesbitt has to save him. It would be so developing for Nesbitt, but I don't really feel like doing that dark a scene now and having Lector say so many cruel things to Nesbitt while under the control. That just seems too heartbreaking after how far they've come and what they've been through in this fic. Maybe I'll want to do it after I recover from the darkness of this fic, but we'll see.

I'm also actually playing a 5Ds related event in Duel Links. It's to unlock the Carly Carmine character. I like her from what I've seen in the game, and her story arc parallels Duke's from my old Life After the Tears fic: killed and then brought back working for the bad guys unwillingly while brainwashed. I'm toying with whether that arc could give me inspiration for the Zorc fic when the Neo-Orichalcos comes back. Maybe I should do that with a character. Not sure if I'd feel up to it, though. I don't normally care about 5Ds at all because of it taking place in a post-apocalyptic Domino City and not knowing if the original characters are okay, but I like Carly enough that I would probably occasionally play as her in 5Ds world if I unlock her, same as I occasionally play in GX world with Jesse or Tyranno.

I requested a picture from ElfBean that will be in the climax of the current fic, Nesbitt rescuing Johnson from an exploded ship and the others gathered around to help get him out of the water. It looks incredible! Squeee.

I've continued to draw some of my own, too. Still trying to improve my craft. http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com ElfBean's pictures can all be seen from my Favorites.

I always have a need and longing to RP, and Lisa was very sweet and did a specific storyline with me that I've longed to do. And now I think I've found a longtime RP partner in Kohakuhime. I was going to put out feelers to find a complete stranger to RP with, but then I thought of her and felt she would be a lot of fun to RP with, since I already know her and know she likes many of the same story elements that I do. We've been RPing on Skype and it's a blast. I'd forgotten how fun instant message RPing is. IM programs are so different than they used to be too; you can just leave the conversations up all the time and they can be added to whether someone's online at the time or not. I love it!

It's been a strange month. Most of the rest of May was filled with misery. I thought I'd recorded this past misadventure somewhere, but I can't find it. About nine, ten years ago or maybe even more, I got in a way where I couldn't look at screen for very long and I'd have to take long breaks of just closing my eyes and resting them. Back then, simple reading glasses fixed it. This May, it hit me again and, after remembering when I had the problem before and that it was probably my eyes again, I tried the same solution. But stronger yet still simple readers wouldn't fix it. After a good eye exam, I was given a prescription for special reading glasses. They cost over $100, gah. But they have certainly helped! The first day I had them, I used them for a little bit and they definitely healed the trouble. I've been able to go about things mostly normally since then.

(However, my Amazon tablet seems to hurt my eyes more than my black tablet does. WTH. I thought it was my imagination at first, but now I have the glasses and the same thing happens on the Amazon tablet even with them, while I'm fine on the black tablet. Ugh. There's another solution or two I can try for the Amazon tablet that Ladyamberjo showed me, but if those don't work I'm not sure what to do. I hate to think I won't be able to use that tablet anymore.)

I decided the Nintendo 2DS was what I wanted most, shopping-wise, and another version became available, the one with Mario Maker. I got that and have been having fun with it. I also bought a couple of Sonic games in the eShop, the Game Gear ones with Nack the Weasel! Squeeee. And I finally got a good copy of Nightmare Troubadour using another Amazon gift card. I've been playing it this past week. Still haven't got to the juicy Big Five or Rare Hunter stuff yet, but I'm desperately hoping it's almost time. More duelists are gradually showing up, so surely we're about to get into the real plot.

Having the gaming system has sent me tripping through most of the game series I've had an interest in through the years. I've been bouncing back and forth between Sonic and Megaman, especially. I couldn't find any Megaman games I wanted that were compatible with my system, but I decided to look for a ROM of Megaman and Bass, which I wanted so desperately before. It hasn't been re-released and is out of print, so I felt a ROM was justified. I've been playing it and greatly enjoying it! I love playing as Bass, which was my dream years ago.

Finding a Megaman DVD at Dollar Tree fueled the Megaman kick this week. I was thrilled! Now I'm trying to find the one I wanted so badly for years, which is unfortunately one of the hardest discs to get, sigh. But I may be able to get one. We'll see.

(I also found a Full Moon wo Sagashite disc there! Squeeee. I don't think they ever finished releasing it in the West, sadly. Such a sweet series. I wanted to grab that up the instant I saw it there. I hope it's bilingual, as I prefer it in Japanese.)

I've also been bouncing back and forth between the .EXE and Classic branches of Megaman. I like both Basses for different reasons. The .EXE ones usually have tragic backstories, but are very dark. The Classic Bass isn't as dark, but also seems shallow in his obsession with defeating Megaman. Yet he has intriguing moments, like how he respects humans for creating robots instead of thinking he's superior to humans (although he thinks he's superior to other robots, heh). I also finally found a Bass plush. When I saw Megaman plushies at Barnes and Noble a while back, I looked for Bass but didn't see him. Great Eastern has released one now, and even though it's somewhat chibi-ish, I decided to get it since it seems to be the only Bass plushie made.

I remember someone who was reading my few Megaman fics didn't like me having Classic Bass end up sacrificing himself trying to save Megaman. Something about him being interesting enough without having to do that? I didn't really grasp it at the time, but older and more tired and cynical me gets it. I still love my hurt/comfort and self-sacrifice, though. And of course, I planned for Bass to be brought back, even though I stalled on the sequel. I did go in the fic and alter a few things, as I realized I made it sound like Bass deliberately let himself die when pushing Megaman to safety. I changed it so it's clear that he's trying to get out too, but just didn't make it.

(Also, if I ever continue the .EXE stories I was doing, I'll have Bass survive his sacrifice there. I found a blurb I wrote where he survived and Dr. Cossack, the man who created him and thinks of him as a son, finds him badly injured and brings him back with him. This was a verse where the NetNavis were released into the real world.)

Someone suggested I write a crossover fic with Megaman and the 87 Ninja Turtles several weeks ago. I've been gradually putting things together since then, and this past week a lot more pieces fell into place. I had considered redoing one of the old Classic fics, but instead I decided I want the crossover to be in the same verse as those fics. I have a scene where Megaman tells the Turtles and company the events of those fics. It serves as some closure for me, since I will likely never figure out how to finish the sequel but now at least I can know things got resolved. It also means I'll have to figure out a different climax for the fic. I would like some hurt/comfort, naturally, but it won't be extreme hurt/comfort since it takes place in a verse where there was already extreme hurt/comfort in the past.... Or at least, that's the plan. On the other hand, maybe I'll find a way for a major hurt/comfort scene anyway, like Bass taking down some villain who was trying to destroy the world and they think Bass bought it too (although of course he'd turn up okay). I do find it intriguing that Bass rebels against Wily so often and fights against many of his schemes. Very different from the .EXE Bass, who hates humans (understandably, given his backstory in the games and manga versions). And I found the comments Duo made about Bass having goodness and justice energy, and I remember that was a large part of what inspired me to write Bass as I did. I don't think they would have included that in canon if they hadn't wanted people to figure Bass really is good deep down.

I can't figure out why I didn't collect the last four volumes of the .EXE manga, either. Did they just not come out on schedule? I need to get them in any case, maybe with my next Amazon gift card. There's a lot more Bass in them, and had I known that in the past, I would have been all over them. I tried to get everything I could with Bass. I've been really kicking myself that I didn't get the DVD I wanted so much the one time I saw it in a store. I think at that time I couldn't spare the money and I thought I'd have other chances to get it, but then I never did. Sigh.

I also still want a Shadow the Hedgehog plush that's 12 inches or taller and furry. I found out about the 12-inch Tomy Shadow, which looks really good and is also really rare, apparently. I never saw him in stores at all. And he's not even featured on Sonic Gear! I'm watching some listings for him and hope to pick one of those up, but I really need to wait for another Amazon gift card.

I was on dA last night, looking for Bass and Shadow art. I was kind of sad to see that it looks like a lot of people still think of and like Shadow as a villain. I would think that by now he's proved himself several times over that he's one of the good guys, even though he's an antihero!

(And yeah, I know one argument is that in the Shadow the Hedgehog game, the gimmick was "Hero or villain? You decide" and there were several different possible endings you could choose for him, based on what you wanted. Although I realized that even if you fiddled around with that, the only true ending of the game and the one that's considered canon, is where Shadow is heroic.)

Bass and Shadow have some interesting similarities, especially .EXE Bass and Shadow with their tragic backstories. Shadow's the better character, though, I think. And meanwhile, Classic Bass reminds me a lot of Seto, but again, I think Seto is a more well-rounded character. But I still love Bass too.

I finally finished a silly picture I drew of Nesbitt and Espio glaring suspiciously at each other, since David Wills plays them both: http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com

And Side7 has been down for days. I am not pleased, since my old art is up there. I still can't find the folder I have with the hard copies of the really old stuff, so Side7 was my only way to look at some of it. Plus, now I'll have to think about posting a lot of those things on dA if Side7 is down for good this time, like all the sketches and color pics I drew for YGO around 2009-2010. That sounds exhausting.

So, no comments for the mask fic on FF.net yet, although people are Favoriting and Following. And giving Kudos on AO3. And someone actually did comment there! Interesting. Not sure how long I'll wait before putting up the other half.

Then I've been playing some computer games to unwind again. My favorite is Capture the Flag. Just one of the Shareware versions, but I love that one map that comes with it so much that it's provided hours of entertainment for years. Someday I'd still like to get the full version, if I can, but I've wondered if it has so many features I won't know what to do with them all. LOL. I think it has 100 different playing field maps! Woooow.

Then I got the urge to once again try to find Last Knight at Camelot. I haven't seen my Shareware disc of that since before we moved, and I've searched and searched. I haven't had any luck finding it online, either. Or at least, I hadn't ... until this morning. And the copy I downloaded is the full version, not the Shareware one! Squeeee. (Long out of print, so it should be okay.) I played for a long time in the morning and I still haven't got through all the levels yet. They're short, of course, since it's a game for young kids, but some of them are pretty challenging anyway. One of the recent ones had an obstacle course with snowballs rolling up and down steps and I haven't been able to figure out how to get all the treasures out of that room yet. I moved on because I wanted to see other levels, but I know I'll be replaying the game. I played the heck out of my Shareware copy with 12 levels, and it's just as fun now years later, or moreso, with all levels intact.

All a Dollar (which Dollar Tree bought out some years ago, and hasn't always improved on it) used to sell Shareware computer games, as I've mentioned before. I bought several of them over that time period. Last Knight at Camelot was the last one I got. I can't remember precisely when I got it, but I definitely remember playing it on Christmas Eve 1998, when I was 12. There was the magical anticipation of Christmas, the fun of a game I loved, and my brother playing Aqua's first album down the hall. (Darn thing had such catchy songs, although I think he stopped playing it when he really thought about what some of the songs were saying....)

Christmas that year was really awesome; it was one of my favorites. Coming down sick over New Year's, on the other hand, was one of my least favorite experiences ever. Ugh. That was a really bad flu that left me nauseous for hours. But, not thinking on that, Christmas was great and I remember that was when I got my Golden Retriever plush, among other awesome things. I think that was also the year I got a Salem the Cat plush, unless that was next year.... And that was when G2 My Little Ponies were out and I got several of those for Christmas and one for New Year's. (We occasionally got New Year's presents back then.) I was so happy!

Playing the game brings back a lot of those happy memories and feelings. I'm so glad I finally found it again!

And speaking of Ponies ... ohmygosh, a company called The Bridge Direct has released, under license from Hasbro, the first six My Little Ponies from the 1980s for the 35th anniversary! Squeeee. Some people are disappointed since they were re-released ten years ago by Hasbro itself, but the prior re-releases weren't very well-made. These are excellently done, according to those lucky enough to get them so far, and I want at least one really badly. I don't have any of those characters, so it's perfect for me! I wanted them years ago and didn't get to have them. I'm guessing if I can only get one, I'd pick Bluebelle, if she really looks blue as some pictures depict. (Sometimes she looks lavender, which is also gorgeous, of course, but with a name like Bluebelle, I want a blue Pony!) But I was also quite taken with Blossom and Butterscotch, and Minty. Snuzzle and Cotton Candy are cute too, but if I get to pick, I'd choose one of the others first. (Of course, if the latter two are the only ones available when I get to go, I wouldn't pass one of them up! I'd probably choose Snuzzle, since she's such a unique color for a My Little Pony.) Unfortunately, they only seem to be at Target and we rarely get to go there. Hopefully soon....

I hate winter illnesses. I hate sore throats. I hate sore throats that go away and then come back with a vengeance and actually make it hard to sleep. As miserable as they are, I've hardly ever had that problem. But I sure did the last time I tried to sleep. Oh please don't make it come back again and do it some more.... It really feels like it might....

Had a really weird dream during the minuscule time I was sleeping where I went to see a play that Richard and Joseph were both in and then visited with them for a while afterwards. Richard left after a while, but I stayed hanging out with Joseph, and then we went to Joseph's place and found that Richard had gone there (WTH). A really odd dream and I'm leaving out some of the odder details, but overall it was really nice. I love dreams where I get to hang out with favorite celebrities!

I did end up drawing that picture for the Control Freak redo I was musing on. Aside from Pikachu once again looking terrible, it's one of those pictures where everything went right. I love that. http://meromeroyui.deviantart.com Of course, it did go behind a Mature Content warning. That was inevitable. And there are eight characters in it: five human, three Pokemon. I love when I can get many characters into a picture without it somehow looking super crowded. Debating whether I might go back later and add the background of the old temple they're in. That would be a lot of gray, though.

I also want to draw a couple of other pictures from the scene: James collapsing, the mask shattering as Jessie breaks free of the control, and Jessie either trying to remove the staff or just sobbing over James' body. I'm not sure if I can properly illustrate that she's trying to pull the staff out instead of pushing it in, but we'll see what happens.

And my poor YGO art folder is tearing. I had to use some more patches of tape on it tonight. But overall it's really full and I need a new folder. I saw some old Pokemon folders with Team Rocket on eBay a couple weeks ago.... Wonder if they're still there....

It's so strange, but I've hardly seen any character folders in stores this year. I saw notebooks, but most of the folders were generic. WTH? I wanted some Turtles folders for my fics, but I couldn't find any.

Also have the problem that I really want to work on the Control Freak redo fic. I did two scenes in the morning. But it seems like I should put up something lighter before doing something this dark (and with more James hurt/comfort). But I'm still iffy on exactly how my human catboy Meowth vignettes are going to work, so I don't feel ready to put any of that up yet. And then the other thing I've been working on is the downfall of Team Rocket as an organization fic, which ... has hurt/comfort with all three of the trio. I guess at least with the mask fic, Jessie is the center focus until the climax, so that's something different from a mostly James focus. Dunno how popular episode redos are in the fandom, although I've seen some here and there. And lots of random oddball stuff. Seems like everyone pretty much writes whatever they want, which is nice.

... Oh, coming to think of it, I do have one other fic I was working on, but I wasn't sure I was actually going to post it. It's just a little follow-up piece to the one with religious content/Joseph's priest character, where Ash goes back to tell Professor Oak everything that happened at St. Matthew Beach and reveals that he's angry at the Pokemon who attacked and killed James when James was trying to protect Ash and Ash told the Pokemon that they didn't mean any harm. It was interesting to explore the idea of Ash badly shaken by what had happened and going through the psychological effects of being angry at a Pokemon, something he thought would never happen. But I wasn't sure how receptive the fans would be and I hadn't quite finished it.

I also plan to do another story set at St. Matthew Beach and heavily involving the starfish Pokemon, but at the moment my mind is so locked into Team Rocket mode that I don't have a lot of plunnies for that one. (Plus, I'm wondering how to work that story with the one where Ash goes back to talk to Professor Oak, since I think the latter would come first, yet I don't see the characters going all the way back to Pallet and then all the way back to St. Matthew Beach for this fic. Although maybe they would because of seeing how upset Ash was about things.... Or hmm, maybe I could have Misty and Brock call Professor Oak and ask him to come out there because they see how upset Ash is and feel he should talk to his mentor....) Maybe I could try writing a random scene of Misty talking with my character Emma about starfish Pokemon. The fic is mostly them bonding over that and the starfish Pokemon getting to shine. And Team Rocket still puzzling over what to do due to everything that happened in the prior fic.

Then I tried to ponder on where the different regions are for Classic Era, since I go with the dub localization to what is apparently the U.S. I had tentatively set Kanto in the Midwest, but I realized that can't work because it's fairly near the ocean, since they're at the ocean in episodes 15-19. And I have James' estate pegged as in Georgia. So then I picked the Southeastern States for Kanto. Maybe Kanto is around Tennessee or something; haven't quite picked that yet. Orange Islands are the Caribbean area. Johto I'm torn on. I want to say West, because they visit a Beverly Hills-ish area and talk about the stars' homes. Only I thought I remembered it being said that Johto is North of Kanto? I'll have to look at that episode again. But North would make sense with the Whirl Islands and Bluefinland/Newfoundland, LOL.

Last night I finally capped the shot from the season 1 opening with Jessie and James, because I just adore it. I originally wanted to have an icon of that, but Meowth wasn't in the shot and I wanted him in the icon too. I think I love the season 1 shot especially because it turns up during part of the "You're my best friend" line. They didn't time things quite right, as I assume it really should have been a line or two down to show that they're who the world is supposed to be defended from, LOL. But I love the way they did it. Hey, who knows, maybe it even was deliberate to show that the antagonists are best friends too. Not sure what to do with it now that I've capped it, though, unless I do an icon of it after all. Or unless I randomly stick it on my profile page....

Ended up buying the Meowth figure on eBay this past evening. I'm pleased on the one hand that I waited, because the price came down a smidge. On the other, I'm not terribly pleased that my total ended up coming out to $6.66. **headdesk.** I am not superstitious about most things, but that is one number I am honestly not crazy about and try to avoid when I can.... But of course, I'm not so bent out of shape about it that I would refuse to buy the figure because the total came out to that. That would be ridiculous. Hopefully he'll get here soon after Jessie and James. Gotta have the whole team together! Then I'll work on getting Ash and Misty. I can get them from the same seller I got Jessie and James from. Not sure yet how to get Brock....

The Jessie and James figures are guaranteed delivery by Monday. The post office site thought they might be here Friday instead, but that fell through. As of tonight they're not far away, though. If today wasn't Sunday, they'd probably get here today.