insaneladybug | Entries tagged with family

Christmas was basically very nice. I did manage to capture the feel of a Christmas from my childhood, which I had so desperately longed to do. It made me very happy. I also discovered cutting many dolls and figures out of their packaging can really hurt the thumb. My skin is dry and it cracked a lot there.

One of my favorite gifts is the Encanto doll set I've been wanting for a year! I was so thrilled Azalea542 got it for me! I have them set up on a metal tray right near my bed. They can stand on their own, which is so cool. I also got the Bruno and Dolores dolls so I'd have all the released dolls. I hope they will make the other characters too.

Another lovely gift was a gift card from Ladyamberjo so I could get Sylveon. I was sick of missing out on the Eevee family plushies at Build-a-Bear and I wanted to grab her since she's a favorite. That outing was a time. Almost everything that could go wrong on that outing did. Thankfully, we managed to return with Sylveon or it would have all been pointless. It started precipitating. I objected. Dad insisted we keep going, for some reason. We had to stop and get something from my sister. We had to get gas and had a hard time getting the locked gas cap off. We got stuck in a ditch for which there was no warning sign posted. People were very kind and helped us get out, but it took an hour or more. When we finally got to the mall, some mysterious thing had gone wrong and the store was temporarily closed?! I waited a bit, left in discouragement, then tried calling before leaving the parking lot. They were open again, so I went back for Sylveon. There was already a line forming, so I had to wait a bit more. Driving home was a nightmare as the precipitation continued. But at last we made it!

I got some more Eevees and watched The Rings of Power. I loved it and named Eevees Merry and Pippin. ThickerThanLove sent me the Lord of the Rings bear from Build-a-Bear, squeee! He looks like Frodo, with brown curly fur and blue eyes. I need something to name Sam next.

I am still furious at Nintendo cutting off eShop access to 3DS and 2DS tomorrow. I spent most of this past week looking for things to snap up. There was a big sale on Capcom games, for some awesome reason. I got Mega Man Legacy Collection. Mega Man games are hard. I can't jump on the bad guys and they swarm me really fast. I can't blast them all. I'm really happy to have the games, though. I'll figure it out. I was disappointed I couldn't seem to find anything else. I already got most of the awesome stuff I could afford in the months prior. Then I finally thought to look up Phoenix Wright. Those games were also on sale, for an incredible $2.99 each! Even the trilogy set! After spending much more than I really intended or wanted to (especially on DLC), I have many Phoenix games. I wasn't going to get Apollo Justice, but NinetalesUK finally convinced me I should. If I happen to take to him and the other characters from his games, I probably would be upset to not have the first game with them. I am notorious for balking at things and then loving them when I finally try them. For $2.99, I figured I'd better get it.

I got Investigations for the iPhone, since that was the only way to get it. (Yes, I have an iPhone.) But apparently I will only get the first case and have to drop a lot more to get the rest. I don't know when that will be, since I've already spent a lot. I'm enjoying the first case. Miles is still my favorite; playing as him is wonderful.

I still wish someone could use Radley's sprites from Over the Nexus to make a video game with him. I wish I could do that. I have no skills and would have to learn.

I got my dad's HP laptop working again and downloaded Steam onto it. Then I got The Disney Afternoon Collection, which was on sale for $5. I have always wanted to play those games. Darkwing is hard like Mega Man. The Chip and Dale games are the easiest. I am enjoying them all, even though I'm having trouble getting very far in them. I'll figure it out.

I had plans to get the Leafeon plush at Build-a-Bear, even though I'd have to do the online bundle with unnecessary clothes. I still want to try to make it work even after needing to snap up all that Nintendo stuff before it's gone. I have tried for days to convince my brain it is foolish. My brain will not listen. It's the only way to get him. I'm hoping I can re-sell the clothes, at least the sleeper. I might like the cape enough to keep it, but the onesie seems very silly. I don't want to cover up all that beautiful fur. If he hasn't sold out yet, I plan to order him tonight. He will make a lovely Easter gift. I'm tired of missing out on the Build-a-Bears. I wish I'd got him and Glaceon when they were briefly in physical stores last year, and Umbreon when he was online again briefly.

Some family members wanted me and Dad to get on their Verizon phone plan with them and we'd get iPhones. Mine was free! It's 13. The camera is glorious and I've taken videos of the kitty. The space is also glorious. I have 128GB! And there's not a lot of bloatware. It looks like I can delete whatever I want to, too. I like using the iPhone as a gaming device, mostly. I see both pros and cons of it. It's much harder to type on; if I need to correct a mistake, I can't even go right to the mistake. I have to erase the whole word! There's no headphone jack. Clearing caches is much harder. Apparently I'm supposed to hit offload app, but the description sounded much more complicated than a simple clearing of the cache. It sounded like I would have to redownload the app any time I clicked offload! Some of those apps are big. I don't have time to keep redownloading them! I got my dad's Motorola Android phone since he didn't need it anymore. It has 64GB, which is also good. I like to use it for most other Internet activities since Google devices are easier to manage in a lot of ways. Two of my tablets have been dying a lot, leaving me with the Amazon Fire tablet and these phones. I am happy to have them all.

I found someone called ZakuraRain who will do beautiful pictures for only $3, $6 if it's colored! They call them doodles, but they're definitely higher quality than mere doodles. I've got four pictures from them so far.

Fanfiction writing is slow at times, but still going on. I'm writing some enjoyable Kalin and Radley stories. Sometimes inspiration flows.

I also finally put the collars and lapels on the Kalin and Radley plushies' coat and jacket. I need to take pictures. I was going to get silver snaps for Radley, but I couldn't find the right kind and then I wondered if even the lightweight duster kind would weigh the light material down a lot.

Current Mood: okay

I'm tired.

I'm tired and sad and worn-down. But I have to keep dealing with the problems that are plaguing us and I have to be stretched thin trying to take care of everything and not having help with some of the problems.

My dad is practically blind. He needs help with all sorts of things. My mom has Alzheimer's and is very needy. She gets distressed if I'm not around, even just if I need to go into the basement for a bit to help Dad with something down there. It makes it very hard to get things done. There are a couple of others who are able to help Dad from time to time, but I'm about the only one who can help Mom. I have to dread each day wondering if I'm going to be mistaken for my aunt, my grandmother, or another version of myself. Any day when there isn't a distressing flip-out that takes ages to repair is something to celebrate. I've had to say goodbye to so many things we loved to do together that she doesn't like anymore. And the more I think about it, the more I think that the symptoms were starting to show years ago. I thought some of the things she said for years were extra strange, but it was only last year that it really became apparent what was happening.

I just wish we could all be happy again like we used to be, but I know that is highly unlikely to happen. Things have just been getting worse and worse in so many ways ever since 2019, at least. I can't stop longing for healing miracles, especially when we watch true stories like on It's a Miracle, but it doesn't seem like anything like that is in store. I just wonder why we can't have amazing healing miracles like those people have. Why aren't we good enough or deserving enough? Of course, there are no answers. I don't need to be preached at that life is full of trials, or that we're supposed to go through trials, yadda yadda. Why this trial in particular? What are we supposed to get out of it? What I get out of it is that Alzheimer's is Hell and I despise it with all of my heart and soul. And it kind of runs in the family. I'm terrified it may be my fate in the future. I don't want it! It is tragic to see an intelligent woman crumble like this. She used to spend hours writing letters and poems to cheer people up. Now most of her writing is devoted to letters to nonexistent people she's determined to deliver to real houses, or letters to real people about things that never happened. Why did God let this happen so she can't really serve Him anymore as she so loved to do? She touched so many lives for good. She could have done more.

I try to find escapes in online things, but I often find drama, unfriendliness, and story reviews dwindling close to nothing. I don't feel like I belong or am wanted most places, and the places where I do feel welcome enough aren't as active as I would like. I do have happiness talking and RPing with certain people, but those numbers have dwindled a bit too. What I do have means everything to me. I cling to the fictional characters' realities where things are happier than reality.

Retail therapy is still a thing for me. I have some more adorable Eevees now. I got the cute Tomy one, and the seller included two more plushies as extras! Popplio, whom I intended to get since she's Sandy's friend, and a tiny Eevee I have as the child of the Tomy one. I also bought Gigantimax Eevee.

I got the Pokemon Center's Christmas Eevee shortly before he sold out. I also found the autumn Eevee with pumpkin on my birthday. That was a special treat! Then Target finally got the sitting down 24 inch Eevee in stock again and I bought him. Those and finally getting to play Pokemon Go were the highlights of October. Most of the month was terrible.

I have three Eevee ornaments, the two Hallmark ones and one from the Pokemon Center. The latter is so heavy I was afraid it would fall off the tree, so I have her standing up on my filing cabinet. She and my other Eevees all brighten my days immensely. Their innocent faces are just precious.

I've needed to buy my own Christmas presents again this year. I've found a lot of lovely things for myself as well as my parents, and friends are starting to send awesome things too. It's hard to wait to open everything! Only two weeks to go. I pray desperately that Christmas can be nice and magical, like when I was a child, but I know the reality is that something will very likely go wrong, as it has on all holidays and my birthday lately, or the day right after.

Please, God, let us have a happy Christmas....

Current Mood: sad

This graphic I was shown today.... I can relate strongly to many of these. The overanalysis? Absolutely. Anyone who really knows me knows how I pick apart things fearing that I've done something wrong or that someone thinks I have. Terrified of dropping the mask? Oh yes. Online that isn't as much of an issue, but offline it is. Inability to share my feelings? Totally and completely, especially since I discovered that trying to tends to result in me being even more hurt. Self-doubt and questioning my worth? Yes. To some extent I relate to concerns that I'm overreacting too. Usually I find I wasn't concerned enough, instead of too much. Believing bad things will happen? Yes, although sadly and ironically enough, I'm also still stupid enough to keep thinking surely things will work out better this time and I stay in toxic situations far longer than I should because I keep foolishly believing there are ways to fix it.

I'm not sure what to make or feel about any of this. I'm damaged and I've known that for years. Relating to the graph feels like validation. But part of me thinks that there must be some other explanation when it's me, because of course my experiences haven't been as horrible as other people's, therefore, if anything I've been through was enough to traumatize me, it must mean I'm pathetic. And naturally, the very fact that I have such feelings must be further proof that I'm pretty damaged and that I've been made to feel very inadequate through the years. There are so many who try to lift me up, but the ones who emotionally stabbed me have really dug deep.

The worst blows, of course, are from people I trusted. Not my family, really, for the most part, but people I trusted almost as deeply. More than, in some cases. Although my brother gave me a lifelong hatred of being teased because of how he used to torment me. To this day I struggle with seeing teasing as good clean fun. For me it absolutely wasn't. I felt unrespected and disvalued. I don't think that was his intention, but that was the result. I dreaded being around him because 98% of the time, those negative experiences would result. No one really seemed to understand how upsetting it was to have things precious to me taken away or for me to get sat on. It was just "Oh, standard sibling teasing" and it wasn't supposed to be a big deal. It was a big deal. It affected me more deeply than other people, and whether that means I'm pathetic or not, I don't know.

Things that were upsetting to me were often treated as things no one should be upset about by non-family people I trusted implicitly. Tropes that distressed me to the point of agony or panic, like my hated way of dying, were mocked and treated like a joke and like no one else would be upset by it. If I was upset because of unkind things being said and said that was something that made me cry, I was laughed at. The reason why I'd get so upset was because I feared it meant the person wouldn't want anything more to do with me and would leave. That has often been the root of my distress. I don't know why I had that fear, but I did and still do. My default is still to think that if someone gets upset, they're going to leave. I know that is stupid. Although sometimes it really has happened.

Feeling inadequate extends to pretty much every aspect of what I do. Radley went through some horrible things in my verses: seeing torture, experiencing torture, feeling abandoned and left to die alone, really dying, having a terrifying out of body experience.... But it seems like other characters have had worse and that my attempts to write trauma are meager and that Radley shouldn't fall apart the way he does when triggered since the other characters who have been through even worse don't. To me it feels logical that he would not handle it well when he never had a chance to recover from what he went through before being pulled into other things. But I feel so inadequate compared to the other characters and that I must be doing it wrong since everyone else's characters are different. Maybe a lot of the others have larger than life situations while Radley's is more grounded in reality by comparison. I don't know.

I think the inadequacy is why I'm so hungry for reviews. I like to be told I did something good. Maybe I need to be told. I like it to be public for everyone to see it said. When I don't get reviews, I take it to mean that what I wrote wasn't good enough to warrant a review. It's not reasonable and in most cases is likely not true. But I don't know how to make myself not feel that way.

I could certainly be paranoid at least sometimes. But the problem with paranoia is that in many cases, the person really did experience what they fear and the paranoia is the fear of it happening again. Sometimes it does. I get told things aren't about me when I overanalyze and worry, but then it often looks like they really are and it wasn't paranoia at all.

I would love to be able to get therapy. But even if my insurance would cover it, I would be afraid to do it. Mom would worry about me for feeling I needed it, and Dad would just scoff that I don't need it. There's enough upheaval in our lives as it is. I don't want to make more.

Sigh.

Current Mood: indescribable

So I haven't been happy with G5 of My Little Pony ever since the info came out about all the Pony races being separate. Totally depressing enough, but at least it was supposed to be a new verse. Now more info shows that it's the G4 verse way in the future. Twilight and company are still alive, apparently, as they're going to be in it in supporting roles or something, last I heard, and come on, you know they'd never stand for something like that happening. They must be missing or trapped or something and the new main characters will have to find them. Ugh. I most likely will refuse to accept G5 as canon unless I can think of it as AU. I already don't accept season nine of G4 as canon. The quality was really low, as seen especially in episodes like Cheese Sandwich's second one. I watched it back to back with his first episode and the quality difference was absolutely glaring. The first episode was him and Pinkie wanting to make people happy with special parties tailored to each Pony's interests. The second was just stupid, about him running a prank factory and mentioning very little about the special parties.

Thinking about anything Pony-related of course makes me think of JP and how I can't share these things with him anymore. I'm so upset about his death that I can't even deal with it; my mind has literally subconsciously locked the memories and the pain away. If I think about him too long, it breaks the seal and I usually end up crying again. I just can't comprehend that he's no longer here, that all the late-night conversations and him wanting to share his latest interests is all a thing of the past.

This year is horrible and the summer especially has been nightmare after nightmare. Mom and I came down sick for a month. I don't think it was Covid because we didn't seem to have the symptoms. I really think it was a normal flu. (Of course, I realize sometimes that cursed virus manifests itself as a flu-like thing. If we did have it, our experience must have been middle of the road. It wasn't mild like some lucky people had it, but it wasn't the most severe either.) I definitely remember feeling horrible like that sometimes as a kid. Then Dad falls right in the driveway and breaks his hip so badly he has to have a hip replacement. He's recovering amazingly well and is able to be home, but now our home has become a hospital ward and people think they can troup in day and night to visit, even when he's trying to sleep. Sometimes they want to rearrange things the way they want them, whether we want it done or not. I hope Dad was firm enough now that it won't happen anymore. Yesterday was a chaotic nightmare and I was so exhausted. It's hard to get things done that actually need doing when there's so many people in and out all the time.

A family tragedy happened where a cousin suddenly had a heart attack and died, leaving his wife and many kids, some of whom are still young. His mother was having so many health problems that she couldn't even be told for a while because her condition was too delicate and they thought she might have a heart attack too. They were finally able to tell her and the funeral was this past Sunday and Monday. No one was told until the last minute and of course we weren't in any position to go, even if someone invited us. I was so upset about the death that I couldn't even process it at first. It just seemed too unreal, too unfair and horrible. He always struggled so hard to provide for his family, sometimes working multiple jobs.

There are other things happening too that I don't want to talk about.

I would much rather deal with Covid lockdown stress than any of what's happened this year. And fandom hasn't always been the escape for me that it usually is because I've been having some problems there too.

Screw you, 2021.

Current Mood: annoyed

On the 2nd we went to an open house. They've been building ten new houses near us and they allowed everyone to tour them before the families moved in. It's a company called Self-Help Homes; I think the deal is that whoever is moving in does a lot of the building themselves. It was mentioned that food would be provided, but not what. I looked up what's usually served at real estate open houses and turned up cake, so that's all I was expecting and wasn't surprised when we got there and found some. We didn't make it in time for the opening ceremonies, though, so it was probably announced there that they'd be serving an actual dinner after the house tours. While we were touring, I saw that getting set up and heard some of the other people talking about that. It was awesome to get dinner, especially after 90 minutes of walking! A hamburger with cheese, a hot dog, all kinds of toppings, Doritos, ice water, and giant chocolate chip cookies! Yuuuum!

The houses were all gorgeous. My favorite ones had huge bathrooms with the toilets off to themselves in nooks. One house even had a giant walk-in closet with a light off the bathroom! It was epic.

The weird thing is, while we were touring I kept having intense Sonic the Hedgehog nostalgia and thinking about getting that Amy Rose plush. Something about the touring or the houses or the time of day or the way the sun was coming in or all of the above was making me remember something Sonic-related, but I couldn't remember what and I still can't. It may have been a memory of around ten years ago when I was on a big Sonic kick in late summer. Or it could be a memory of when I got my first Sonic game set in July 2001, but that was a cloudy day, so I don't think so. In any case, it was very nice but also very strange. Maybe it was a memory of being into Sonic while taking those driving classes years ago, but I don't know what new houses would have to do with that. I don't know what new houses have to do with any of my Sonic memories, honestly. LOL. Maybe being on a Sonic kick and listening to the Sonic Adventure 2 soundtrack on our way to my childhood friend's wedding reception in her big backyard? I don't know. Maybe it's even as simple as the new houses being for families, and that reminding me of when I was a kid and just newly getting enthused with Sonic. It wouldn't explain the specific Amy Rose association, though. Then there's the thought that maybe I was associating the houses with anime, like Sailor Moon, and thinking about those characters' families, and how I got into anime in summer, and thinking of Sonic since it's also a Japanese property and I have many summer memories of Sonic....

I did finally get my gift card and order the Amy plush, and I got the last one. I was worried wondering if there was really one left or if I'd get a message that she wasn't available after all, but she was there and shipped and I got her the day before I needed to cancel the Prime trial, the 11th. She's so cute, and gorgeous, and so soft! Her dress is soft too. It's so hilarious that I would actually end up wanting an Amy plush, but realizing she didn't act out nearly as much as I'd thought really helped, because she was so cute and sweet in the episodes I was watching, and tough when she needed to be (not when she didn't need to be). I also like that sometimes she's kind of a voice of reason; when Knuckles flips out she usually stays logical. (Of course, then sometimes she's illogical herself at other times, heh. But I guess she's a pretty well-rounded character.) I love characters who are voices of reason; that's one reason why I love Gansley so much. (And I love Marc Thompson's voice for him in season 3; I could listen to that for ages. Help, I have a crush on a 60-year-old man (who isn't someone I've watched in stuff at various ages)! How did that even happen? Lol. I keep remembering this Charlie's Angels episode where Sabrina has a crush on a 60-year-old man because she loves his intelligence, and Jill and Kelly keep giggling about it. Of course, I certainly don't like the way Gansley acts with Yugi and Atem in their duel, but what I don't think people tend to realize is that if I write for a character for a long time, sometimes I end up falling in love with the version of them that I'm writing. Gansley is repentant in my post-canon verse, and combining that with his voice and being one of the logical ones of the group, well ... squeee. (And I think his "happy" sprite in Nightmare Troubadour is adorable.) Same thing with Nesbitt, minus him being one of the logical ones, lol. But I really love the way I've developed him in my post-canon verse. It's really those versions I'm crushing on, not what we see in canon where they're displaying such repugnant behavior ... although I do feel sorry for Nesbitt, especially considering his backstory in the original Japanese, and of course I love Gansley's canonical logical behavior trying to look after the others. Team Dad Gansley is adorable both in canon and in my verse, I have to say. Johnson doesn't seem to have any good qualities in canon unless he cares about the others, and Crump is so repulsive with his dirty-minded behavior towards Tea and Serenity in the original Japanese. The dub thankfully removes that, but he's still repulsively sadistic and I really don't have a lot of sympathy for him in either version. I do like the versions of him and Johnson I write for, though. I didn't think anyone except Lector was even deserving of a second chance until I re-watched the episodes enough to pick up nuances and realized that they seemed to care about each other. Then I really wanted to save them all.)

I was worried wondering if they'd even get any more Amy plushies in, as then it was saying "Unavailable. We don't know if or when this item will be back in stock." But I checked again and it said she'd be back in stock this week, so that's good. I have never seen something like this. All of these Sonic plushies are so popular and in demand, and they keep flying off the shelves almost as fast as Amazon can put them back! That should tell Sega that people still want quality Sonic merchandise. It's so hard to find Sonic stuff in stores right now and it's so frustrating. I love that I was able to get a shirt at ShopKo before they closed. I still feel a little sad that I didn't get another one I saw, but I didn't have much money and it was white and long-sleeved. I don't really like white for shirts because it gets dirty so fast, and I only wear long sleeves in public and in cooler weather, so I figured that shirt might not even get much use for a while. It was definitely more practical not to get it, but I still feel a little sad, especially when it's so very hard to find Sonic stuff.

I have to admit, in spite of the silly rivalry with Mario, it seems to me like Mario is clearly the winner in merchandise and almost always has been. There was a time when Sonic figures were around and more interesting than Nintendo figures, though, but that's long past. And there's a book about Mario that's readily available, while The History of Sonic book was never easily obtainable and went out of print before I could save up enough to get it. Sigh. I miss the days when Sonic stuff was easier to get and so plentiful. Even though the non-Boom ban is over, it seems like companies aren't getting back on track very quickly. Boom really ruined the merchandise scene and it's never recovered.

Then I have the problem that I love these Sonic plushies so much that I ... really want the actual Sonic one. The thought of petting a Sonic with minky-like fur just sounds glorious. But I think I'd feel more guilty getting another Sonic plush than I would for almost any other character, because my classic Sonic plush was such a close companion of mine as a kid, probably my favorite Christmas gift ever, and I never really wanted another Sonic plush because I was so happy with him. I know the plush isn't really alive, but it's really hard to think in logical terms like that, especially for someone sentimental like me who kind of wonders if the inner life idea could be true. Plushies and figures and dolls are alive to me, because in Jessie from Toy Story's words, "that's how they [the kids] see you [the toys]." I try to rationalize it by saying I have classic Sonic and why not get modern Sonic; they're different so it's not a betrayal of the classic plush; it would be nice to have a Sonic without felt spikes, etc. We'll see which side of my mind wins out.

The 4th was ... probably about the worst holiday I've ever spent. As a normal day it was okay, but as a holiday it was really lame. Two wonderful things happened, though: I reached the Big Five arc in my game that day and I got to role-play with Crystal. After that, the day went downhill and didn't stop. We didn't do anything as a family to celebrate and I wasn't even able to get a pizza. (I did finally get one next week after the Scottish Festival, though.)

The Festival was fun and we got to see the band The Fire again, which was awesome. I was a little sad they didn't do a full hour concert like they usually do (it was 45 minutes instead), but I guess they were worn-out from the heat. It was so hot, ugh. Although I don't think it was as bad as last year, where it was so stuffy it was hard to even breathe.

I wanted to find a pendant with a purple gem or rock so I could think of the amethyst ring I gave Lector in my fics, but I couldn't find anything like that. The jewelry shop I like so much didn't come this year, for some reason. The new store I liked so much last year was back, though, and they had some raw amethyst samples that were really tempting. But I really wanted something to wear and I didn't have much money, so I ended up not getting one of those.

It has been a really busy month. Most of this past week has been taken up with preparations for my sister getting re-married, and then the wedding was on Friday. Outside. In 97 degree temperatures. GAH. But at least it was at a beautiful place and there was some shade. The reception was pretty awesome. Most receptions around here only do dessert, but they did a meal! Cheese sandwiches and crackers and cheese squares and potato rolls and punch and nuts and M&M's and vegetable trays and gigantic pieces of cake ... ! Paradise! And on the way home I found the My Little Pony Bubbles at Target! This is G1 Bubbles, not G4 Bubbles. This Bubbles is yellow with blue hair, one of the two sitting down Ponies. I've wanted her for a long time. I hope I can find her friend Seashell too, because it would be too sad not to have her BFF. Plus, she's also really pretty, lavender with turquoise hair.

This week may be busy too; I'm desperately hoping we can have fun on our local holiday, especially since the 4th was such a bust as far as doing fun family things to celebrate.

And I finally beat the Nightmare Troubadour game, after many struggles against Yami Marik! I have to admit I oddly enough didn't have too much trouble with the other odd or difficult duels in the game. No one else really seemed to be on Yami Marik's level. I kept getting trounced to the point of utter frustration and aggravation, especially since I thought he was the final barrier keeping me from getting back to the Big Five. Finally some Internet searches brought up some advice and a gameplay video with good strategies I was able to use and I beat him. It was especially hard because I had to defeat him with Obelisk, and he kept destroying my monsters before I could get him on the field, and occasionally when I did get him on the field, Yami Marik did something else to make me lose, like play Ring of Destruction after already whittling down my lifepoints with Lava Golem.

Then when I finally beat Yami Marik, I found I wasn't at level 20 and I had to be at level 20 to see the Big Five again. I was just barely at 19. So there was some frantic dueling to level up, and occasionally a Rare Hunter or Yami Bakura showed up and screwed up my EXP. I love Yami Bakura and any other time I would have been happy to see him, but not when he ruined the EXP I'd got from Seto by causing me to lose before I'd saved again. He showed up a couple of other times and I beat him those times, so then he helped me get EXP. (I don't get any when I lose.)

It's been a delight to play against the Big Five again! I don't like that apparently I can only duel them in a row and have to start over if I lose to any of them, but at least I get to see them again in some way. I don't like that the game made it sound like they're possibly holographic projections, but I'll just insist they're real and this is their new job, lol.

I'm finally wrapping up my multi-chapter fic. I ended up feeling really badly for Pegasus, as through this fic and other ones of mine, he's seen or heard about characters getting second chances and yet he can't have Cecelia back. I don't even like Pegasus that much (mainly because of how flippant he acted about all the horrible things he did, even after he supposedly repented), but I felt like I was slapping him in the face and it just didn't seem fair, like that everyone is allowed back except Cecelia. (Of course, there are other characters who stay dead, but I don't think any case other than Cecelia's involves a loved one so unable to deal with the death as Pegasus is.) So I've set up a situation where Shadi's taking him on a quest that may bring Cecelia back. I was going to end the epilogue with them reuniting, but now I wonder if I should leave things with him on the quest and possibly have the next fic with more of the cast ending up on the quest too and having that be an adventure fic. Maybe it should be the one I've wanted to do for so long with the Big Five having to take Capsule Monsters trials. I'll think about it. That could take focus away from Pegasus, but I'm really not sure I could write a fic with him as a central character. It took me years to finish Until You Find Answers, mainly because I couldn't get into Pegasus's mind and was dreading his chapter so much.

Current Mood: contemplative

Awesome friends and family helped fix the attic, I found a tablet, and I've been playing Duel Links!

I wanted to go Best Buy to see if I could find a tablet shown on their website that they were clearancing. I don't think I found it, unless it was a different price in-store, but I found one cheaper than the Fire tablet because it was on sale (normally it's more expensive than the Fire). It's 8 inches and it's an Android system. I really felt it would be smarter to get one that already had Android stuff so I could know for a certainty things would work. I'll probably need to get a micro SD chip for it; I rather suspect by now that the stats I saw for the Steam version of the game are true for the mobile version too. On Steam it said 4GB of storage was the minimum, but 8GB was better. Which means if it is the same, it could technically fill up the whole tablet, it seems. There's a way to format micro SD so it can be part of the internal storage, so that would definitely help even if I could only get a 2GB chip. Right now the only thing I'm using the tablet for is Duel Links, which is just fine with me. Clearly I badly wanted that game since I was willing to pay $40 to get something to play it on. And since I find it completely worth it.

Wednesday was a very long day. I had insomnia, was super exhausted all day, and I have to go back to the dentist for more work. But one nice thing is that I've never been afraid of dentists since two of my brothers are dentists and I go to them.

Toys R Us ... honestly, I felt blank. They're only charging 10% off of most everything, which just makes me go WTH. K-Mart was doing 30% by now. And there was no Ladybug stuff. But they say they restock with stuff from their warehouses each day, so maybe later they'll get awesome things. Borders did that too; they had a much better inventory towards the end than they'd had for years, sadly. I'm hoping maybe they'll bring in some of the Sailor Moon figures, since they sell some online. But they'll have to bring the prices down more than 10% to make it worth it to me! At the nearest store especially, barely anything seemed to be gone. Maybe it still doesn't feel real yet, or maybe it's that for ages it's felt different than the store it was years ago, but I couldn't seem to work up any emotion while I was there.

I felt I needed to visit both Toys R Uses before deciding what to do about other things, so we went to the one an hour away after the dentist and then came down to the closer one. Best Buy was across the street and I spent a long time trying to find the tablets and then trying to decide on the best tablet. When I saw the sale price on the one, I was astounded. At first it looked like they didn't have any, but then the guy and I found one stuck in the wrong slot. I debated between it and the Fire and finally chose it for the reasons stated above. I had to wait a long time to get checked out, but everyone was really nice and so far the tablet has been really good. Hopefully it will continue to be, especially since I'm really only using it for that one thing. A 16GB would have probably been wiser, but I just couldn't afford that. As it was, I was only able to get this tablet right now because Mom was able to help me with the cost. Squeee.

My Target coupon came in right before we needed to leave, and then I couldn't get Dad's computer to cooperate to print it. But the nice lady at the dentist office let me print it there when she heard us talking about it! Since I'd already bought a tablet by the time we got to Target, I decided to check Target for the retro My Little Ponies. They were out, but I saw they had one copy of The Dark Side of Dimensions for the exact price of the gift card. I was extremely tired, hadn't seen anything else there I wanted, and I have been wanting to see that after all, for curiosity and completion's sake if nothing else, so I decided that was a great way to do it and it came home with me.

Since it's a verse all its own, not anime or manga since it contradicts both, I was able to view it as a separate entity and enjoy it for what it was. I was a little disappointed not to hear the classic gravelly Yami Bakura voice in the flashback, but I was happy to see him at all, even though it was a seriously disturbing scene. Gah. And the best line was when Yugi pulled out these weird Apple and Lemon Magician Girls and Seto exclaims, "You're fighting me with fruit?! You're mocking me!" ROTFLOL!

I found it interesting that Atem never speaks. He had so little screentime, but it was pretty epic when he showed up. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the Millennium Puzzle and everything to do with Yugi collapsing at the point of death. And I'm actually not sure that Seto went to the afterlife to see him at the end. I think now that maybe the original assessment that he went to the past is more accurate, because Atem was wearing the Puzzle, and he wouldn't have been wearing that in the afterlife.

If anyone is curious, here is what I found that contradicts the manga:

- Shadi teaching a bunch of kids about love and peace, yadda yadda. Shadi was a messed-up guy, as shown in the early manga, and he didn't understand about love and friendship. Yugi had to teach him.

- Bakura's father is not dead in the manga. Yami Bakura says in the final arc that he's the owner of the museum and that's why he, Yami Bakura, was able to get in.

I thought Joey was kind of mean to Tristan about the Duel Disk, when he starts yelling that Tristan broke it and he wants the new one. He knew that he'd asked Tristan to fix it, WTH. So it apparently wasn't broken by Tristan. But I loved the scene where Joey's memories are fading and then his memory of Atem is still there and that brings him out of the villain's world and back to reality. Very powerful! That is one of my favorite Joey scenes in any verse, I think.

I liked that it showed how the Ring warped personalities. I think that's canon to the other verses and it definitely makes Yami Bakura more sympathetic. However, what was weird is that the way they presented it, it almost looked like they were saying that the Ring only changes people but there isn't a separate entity there possessing them. We know that Zorc was in the Ring and that's why Thief King flipped out even more than he already was, and the other verses make it very clear that Bakura is being possessed by Yami Bakura; it's not just that Bakura is being corrupted by the Ring. After Zorc was destroyed, it's curious that the Ring is still a problem. I guess dark essence like that doesn't leave so easily. I'm frankly not sure Zorc can ever be destroyed, since he's the personification of the darkness in people's hearts, but that's a discussion for another time.

To be honest, even though the creator wrote the movie, it felt like a fanfiction. Things were so hand-wavy, like the contradictions with other verses and the stuff with the Ring corrupting everybody even with Zorc gone. But I had fun watching it and there were things I liked, and I'm happy to accept it as another verse. The main anime, the Toei anime, the manga, the video games, and this movie are each a separate verse. Of them all, I like the Toei anime the least, but I do remember enjoying Bakura and Yami Bakura's episodes and I should try to dig those up again.

Anyway, I'm glad I got it. I'm happy I was able to use the gift card for it!

And Duel Links.... Oh wow. So I had to wait to try it until the tablet charged for the first time, so I took a short nap out of exhaustion and then it was ready. Duel Links took a while to download and install, but they showed pictures and blurbs of all the characters and that was fun to look at. I'd had so many disappointments that I couldn't let myself believe it was really working until I logged in for the first time and got the game going.

I picked Yami Yugi as my starter, because I'd learned I had to beat Yami Bakura with him as part of the requirements for making Yami Bakura playable. And if I hadn't started with Yami Y, he wouldn't have become available until after Yami Bakura, so I had to go with him. But I was just as happy to, since Duel Links is definitely more manga-based and Seto is, hence, even more of a jerk.

It's all so fun! Most of the Standard OC duelists are okay, although I'm not crazy about Andrew, Josh, or Christine; they are very arrogant. The really little kids are adorable, especially Bella, and I like Daniel, Meg, Hailey, and ... is it Ashley? And there's one called Jess who's really nice. My favorite, though, is David. He looks like Duke's store manager, except he doesn't wear glasses, and I've headcanoned that he is Duke's store manager, wearing contacts. LOL. I haven't seen him for several Stages now. I wish he'd come back.

Things got much more interesting when canon characters started to become available, of course! I got Joey without too much trouble. Tea took a bit longer, and Mai took a lot longer. But I got to duel them until I met the requirements for making them playable.

The goal I was working on the whole time was getting to Yami Bakura, of course, although I wanted the other characters too, especially Tea. I've had a blast playing as her and Mai, and Joey too. One of the most epic duels was where Tea beat Seto in like five turns! I accidentally unlocked the GX world and Jaden, but I have no interest in that side of the game and I'm kind of glad that they're separate, LOL. I don't consider GX canon. I have nothing against the characters; it's just that I don't like the concept of a duel school and I don't like what the show did with the original characters when they popped up.

So, Yami Bakura. I wondered if he even would show up at Stage 13, because only two sites were reporting he would and other ones were still saying he was event-only. I wonder why they don't update. But to my delight and relief, yes, he was there, and so were a lot of other characters! Including Yugi! Squeee. I thought Yugi was still event-only!

My first duel against Yami Bakura was incredible. Not just because I'd longed for it for so long, but because it came out so well. I saved it and I hope to record and post it to YouTube. One requirement was to play against him using no spell or trap cards. Gah. Another was the Yami Yugi one, and I had to play with Yami Bakura being at Level 20 experience. I did both of those in the same duel, and for the first time I was able to play Slifer the Sky Dragon! It was incredibly awesome. Later that night, I had a duel with Tea playing against him, and that ended up fulfilling the requirement of winning against him with 2000 lifepoints or less. I was really wondering how to achieve that one, since you know, I wouldn't know how to go about deliberately losing lifepoints. As it turned out, I didn't have to do that deliberately, LOL. I also saved that duel.

The hardest requirement was dealing out 3000 points of effects damage to him, thankfully not all in the same duel. I have a starter card that deals 300 points, and that certainly helped, but I needed more. I got a bunch of card packs and found a couple of cards that really seemed to help. There was an awesome dragon that deals out a lot of damage if one is sent to the graveyard and you have another copy of it available to play. I built Mai's deck up with the express purpose of dealing effects damage to him. He and she had several interesting duels where they toyed with each other, dragged it out for ages, and finally Mai would get in some damage here and there when the right cards came up. The deck also worked on Joey, but Mai had very little luck using it against the Standard duelists or The Vagabond. (I'll have to change her deck around now that it's served its purpose.) Then tonight, Tea won Fire Sorceress (or is it Sorcerer? It's a girl, but it might be Sorcerer....) and I was able to give that to Mai to deal out the final points I needed! Eeeee. It was so exciting to at last see the message that he was unlocked! It is totally manga verse, as he delivered one of his creepy manga lines, but I will just pretend he didn't say that and it's anime verse instead, since anime voices are used and anime is my favorite verse. I played my first duel as him after fixing up his deck (all the characters come to me with really bad decks I have to fix), and he won! So much fun. I can hardly wait to play as him some more. I also want to unlock Ishizu and Rishid. I've been actively working towards that by playing Light cards and traps.

Oh, interestingly, people were saying that it was obvious Yami Bakura was a character Seto created for his VR world, but I actually had the impression that it was the real one. All he says is, "Memories.... Virtual Reality.... I see, Seto Kaiba." That sounds like Seto got the real one and somehow stuck him in there, and he was aware that it was a world based on memories of what happened. If he himself is only a memory made to move around, he would hardly be aware of that, LOL. I will continue to believe that Duel Links is augmented reality, as depicted in the movie, and the real people are just all in there. Joey certainly indicated that he was real and had been plopped in there when he showed up. Tea too.

I think too much about things.... While watching Yami Bakura vs. Yami Marik again, I started pondering again on the shadow left in the Millennium Puzzle. He spoke like he was fully Yami Bakura and knew what was going on, but he was left in there before Battle City ever began. How did he know about the duel? Since he is part of Yami Bakura's spirit, does that mean Yami Bakura is aware of everything he does and thinks? Or did he not know of the shadow's adventures until they merged at the beginning of season 5? It's always confusing to me when characters in media can split off pieces of their spirit, because of that perplexity. Is it the whole person, as far as personality and memories go, or is it only a part? Was Yami Bakura with Bakura in the Shadow Realm while the other part of him was in the Puzzle? I write it as such. And I got a weird plunnie of him running across a part of his spirit he'd left somewhere and forgotten about, and what would happen if that part didn't want to be good and they had to face off. Weird stuff, but the whole concept of splitting off parts of your spirit is weird anyway, so it lends itself to weird ideas.

I also got an idea for another hurt/comfort picture and I finally had the chance to sketch it out tonight. It came out mostly exactly as I'd pictured in my mind. It has Bakura embracing an extremely limp Yami Bakura around the upper torso and burying his face in the thief's shoulder while crying. Yami Bakura is in his classic form. His head and neck are falling backwards, his visible arm is very limp, and it's all in all a rather curious pose. It's hard to really describe it. One reason I like hurt/comfort art (besides the obvious reason of exploring feelings and interaction) is that it allows me to practice drawing all sorts of strange poses.

Last night I was watching Cannon, an episode where he investigates a girl's death from doping up on drugs and then falling out a window, and got a plunnie where Yami Bakura finds Bakura at a schoolmate's house, completely drunk from being tricked into drinking spiked drinks and swinging in a window in his underwear. Yami Bakura is horrified and outraged. Bakura falls and Yami Bakura catches him, and then he enacts punishment on the creeps responsible for getting Bakura into such a state. He makes them feel the hangover Bakura will feel and also have the sensation of falling over and over. It's not a permanent spell, but he says it will last until they regret what they did to Bakura. Even when Yami Bakura tries to be good, he can end up acting like Yami Yugi in the Toei anime and the early manga volumes. And he doesn't see anything wrong with that. He feels he's enacting justice. Makes sense to me, since what he wanted in ancient Egypt was justice, before Zorc got hold of him and warped him the rest of the way. He will probably always have that dark streak; that's one way I keep him quite the character! I have the first draft of the ficlet written and I quite like it. I need to re-read it and see if it's done. I also need to get the next chapter of the multi-chapter finished. I'm having a little trouble with this segment and am getting easily distracted. Hence why I'm writing epistle entries instead of working on it!

Current Mood: ecstatic

I think I solved my problem of longing to watch season 2 but not being able to afford the DVDs right now. The videos on the official YGO site are actually working for me! I am amazed. The audio and video are a little out of sync, but nothing so terrible it would make watching unbearable. I am astounded that they have almost all the episodes of YGO Classic up, if not all of them! At any rate, they seem to have all of season 2, which was what I wanted to see. I would also like to see 5, so I'll probably look into that if things keep working so I can watch all that I especially want to see in season 2. I wanted Battle Ship most, but the earlier part of the season would be fun too.

And I would really like to be able to go to the theatre and see the remastered YGO movie in March. I doubt I'd be able to, especially since the matinee would be out since that's on Sunday and the only other slot would be Monday evening and, I imagine, full ticket price. That problem in addition to not having a way to get to the nearest theatre showing it or having someone to go with. I have a brother who liked YGO years ago, but he doesn't live near here at all. And I have a feeling that the one who does live here would be uncomfortable with the magic elements, so I don't like to ask him. I wish there was a way to subtly find out if he would be bothered before asking about the movie. If I just flat-out asked him about the movie, he would probably agree to go to be able to spend time with me, which would be sweet, but I wouldn't want to do it if he would end up uncomfortable. Hmm, though, as I recall, he's okay with Pirates of the Caribbean, and the magic-y stuff in that probably isn't worse than in YGO. (I personally find it worse, but then I was totally grossed-out by the whole "Davy Jones' heart" thing. And I hate zombie falling apart humor, in general. Although I was amused by most of the mummy battles in the YGO movie.)

I was thinking, though, that if I do manage to find a way to go, I could cosplay for it. LOL. Fans sometimes cosplay for movie premieres, like Star Wars or LOTR, so I could show up as Ryou or Yami Bakura and not have to wait for Halloween to try it. Fun times!

I'm almost done posting Dragons at Dawn. I just put up chapter 18. Two more to go! It's both exciting and strange to finally be almost done with a story I started almost a decade ago. So many times I got it out and looked it over and tried to think about how to continue it, and I just never had the inspiration. Then, several weeks ago, it suddenly occurred to me how I could save the fallen characters in a way that would make sense and everything started falling into place from there. My original outline would have had Alister and Rishid running the organization until the climax. I think the way it ended up turning out, with them discovering their loved ones are alive but in suspended animation and breaking through the stones' evil influence to fight against the madness of the Neo-Orichalcos for the majority of the story, makes the story way better than it would have been otherwise. Duke's subplot is largely the same as in the original version, but Bakura's has been changed and I prefer the way I'm doing it now. I nodded to the original concept with a nightmare he has in chapter 18, though, and just for curiosity's sake I might write a blurb set in the nightmare of the others finding him after Yami Bakura falls to protect him to see what the interaction would be like.

I'm also working on the Seto plushie. The fleece gave me some trouble, but then I found a fleece tutorial that helped me figure things out and get the strength to try again, and I think I got it pretty good now. Pants are done and I'm in the middle of the shirt. Just need to hem the arm holes and then I can do the sleeves and collar. Expression came out well too, I think (I hope). I used to draw him a lot, so I'm no stranger to that.

I'm debating making a YGO website to muse on things for my current verse and show the differences between it and the past verse. I'd have fun making profiles for the characters and such. I always love doing that sort of thing. I remember in the past I headcanoned Alister plays the harmonica, because of the usage of one in his Japanese theme. I still like that idea. I've also decided that in addition to acting, this Alister works as a pilot and lets people charter his private plane for day trips. Valon keeps his job from the original verse, which was pizza delivery boy. It's Raphael I'm having the hardest time figuring out a good job for. In the past he was an insurance salesman, which is kind of hilarious, but for this round I wish I could think of something better.

And I am absolutely positive of the existence of an AMV using Doom Arc clips and the song We Are. I can't recall if one of my friends made it or if I just stumbled across it on YouTube, but if it's the latter, it seems to be gone now. But I remember it distinctly enough that I can even picture some of the clips. "Devil at the doorstep" was Dartz smirking at the camera. "Telling everyone just how to live their lives" was the bikers on the construction site building, I think. "Information highway" was motorcycles down the street. One instance of "you wash your hands, they come out clean, never recognizing the enemy's within" was Raphael during one of the duels with Yami Yugi, furiously drawing a card. I am so sure this AMV exists, or existed, and I wish I could locate it and see it again. It was expertly done, apparently depicting the utter hypocrisy of Doom's mission. I loved it!

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Peten the Dark Clown theme

Had the odd pondering of, if I had been a kid when Pokemon first aired, and Mom had watched it with me like she did the Disney Afternoon stuff when I really was a kid, would she have liked Team Rocket? It's a hard question to answer. On the one hand, she might have been amused by them/liked them in spite of herself, as she did Don Karnage and the Air Pirates on TaleSpin. Or she might have humored me knowing I liked them, as I think she did when it came to the Darkwing Duck villains. In any case, I'm pretty sure she would have liked their good moments. She liked when things like that happened on other shows, although I can't pinpoint an example.

She likes Pikachu, and I know she wouldn't like Team Rocket always being after him, nor would she like Pokemon battles. I kind of lean towards the thought that she would have enjoyed watching the show for Pikachu, and she would like the moral points when those come up. I think she might have been amused by Team Rocket's disguises. I've shown her some of James' cross-dressing outfits and we've had a good laugh about that, LOL.

I've actually been considering showing her the second movie. I wanted to at least show her the scene with Team Rocket helping Ash and later sacrificing themselves, but I just don't think it would have enough impact on her if she hadn't seen the full movie. I've shown her a few clips from seasons 1 and 2 episodes, but funny ones. And I have this memory that I showed her a couple of things years ago, like the scene in The Ghost of Maiden's Peak where Jessie is looking for James and goes, "If you're not here, at least come out and tell us!" ROTFLOL. I'm not completely sure on that one, though.

I also thought of showing her Mewtwo Returns, but weighing the two things, I think the second movie would be the better thing to show her, Team Rocket-wise. At least at first. I think she'd like Mewtwo Returns a lot, though.

One problem with showing either one is, where would I show it? The clips I've shown in my room, as well as one 87 Turtles episode, but to show a movie I'd rather be in the living room. So would Mom, as it would be more comfortable for her. But then we run the risk of Dad waking up and walking in on us, which would probably be awkward and embarrassing on multiple counts. He would wonder why I was showing Mom something animated. I showed her a few Real Ghostbusters episodes and I was always tense, concerned about that happening.

Current Mood: curious

Ugggh. This has been a day when so many things go wrong and very few things go right. About the only thing going right was getting to spend some time with my local friend. That was fun. The horrible insomnia beforehand wasn't fun. Neither was fighting with the computer for hours because apparently Flash and all its other Adobe products were so out of date they were messing things up and they hadn't bothered to tell me they needed updating long ago. When they get like that, it takes an hour or more to update when it should only take 10 minutes.

And I believe I mentioned everyone getting interested in Scarecrow and Mrs. King. I was the only one in the household who wasn't thrilled by the prospect of the characters getting romantically involved. I know how that sort of thing usually changes the whole show, ruins characters and relationships, and can totally fall short of people's expectations.

Season 4 started strong and was just a mess by the end. Of course, the female lead's near-absence from most of the final episodes was most likely because the actress was fighting breast cancer at the time, so a lot of that can be forgiven ... although I think they should have just gone on hiatus until she was well enough to be in the episodes as a main character again and not just as a walk-on role in her own show. Of course, maybe that wasn't an option. They were probably being pressured to get the season finished. Ratings had already dropped and they gambled with the marriage thing to try to pick them up. But the episodes with very little of Amanda right after the wedding probably went the rest of the way in killing the show. There's only one episode after the wedding where she even has much of a part. And the very last aired episode had them having marriage problems and Lee really being kind of a jerk to her (6 pages of quirks he didn't like about her?!) until the end of the episode.

I'm used to keynote episodes being lame, and the marriage episode was really lame. I expected them to be on a case for most of it, as they were, but I'd expected a better case. It was so pathetic. And then the honeymoon had Amanda critically shot and that was the first of the episodes that didn't have her much. I hate having someone badly hurt on a special occasion to begin with, and then not having them in the show much because of it, or even afterwards, makes it so much worse.

One thing we loved about the show was that it was pretty clean. Season 4 had many innuendos with unmarried characters, both the leads and other characters. That was another thing I was afraid would happen once romance was brought into it.

I also think Francine was usually shafted by the writers in all seasons. There was the issue of how sad she felt that Lee wasn't as interested in spending time with her anymore, even as a friend, which made me really feel for her and relate to her. In some ways, I think Francine was the real underdog of the series, and I tend to root for underdogs. (Of course, I rooted for Amanda too, but I really feel sad for how the writers treated Francine. Amanda, on the other hand, usually got a good break.) Then Francine was the trained agent, but it seemed like she was always getting in trouble and unable to get herself out of it, whereas Amanda was able to figure out how to get out of it despite having no training. That would be okay a time or two, but the way it was set up, Francine just came off looking incompetent a lot. I was glad that at least one of the last episodes showed her being a resourceful agent and pulling some Jim West level tricks to get out of a locked crate. The episode also revealed some of her backstory, how her dad pushed her to compete in a man's world and she felt she had no choice, which was both interesting and sad. She also seemed to have some longing for romance. Early episodes seemed to show she liked being an agent, though, without much interest in settling down and with an apparent dislike of kids. I rather prefer that version of the character (even though I don't dislike kids).

It was also frustrating how Francine seemed to go back and forth on characterization. Season 1 had her being rather passive-aggressive to Amanda, season 2 had her being nicer, than seasons 3 and 4 had her being nastier again, especially in 3. In 4 she was nice again sometimes.

It was neat seeing Amanda progress from being a civilian worker to actually having a job as a trained agent. But I have to admit, I think a lot of the charm in the show came from her housewife skills coming in handy on cases, rather than her just being another agent with a gun. One of the most priceless exchanges was in an early episode, when Francine complimented her on some wild driving and she said it came from taking her kids to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. ROTFLOL.

Ultimately, I miss the show when things were at a friendship level. I think season 2 was when it was at its best. I didn't like the cheeky, cute approach of the show four years ago, but I warmed up to it and now I miss the classic episodes when there was friendship stuff going on and there were plots like Amanda being given a weird, mind-altering drug or a hitwoman having plastic surgery to look just like Amanda. I had all seasons on my Amazon list, but I think I'll remove season 3 since that's when things started getting mushy. We watched it all from Netflix and there are very few episodes there that I'd like to rewatch. On the other hand, I want season 2 more now than ever, not just for the Luke episode but because that was the show's high point. I might also like season 1. Lee was kind of standoffish in season 1, though. Season 2 was just perfection.

I'm worried Mom won't even want to watch the episodes we haven't seen of 1 and 2, though, or rewatch the classics from 2, because she's so frustrated by how 4 spiraled downhill. I don't think that should make us hate the part of the show that was good, but she tends to feel that if a show ends bad, what's the point of seeing any of it. I can feel that way too, depending on the show. In this case, I see no reason why I have to accept all the seasons into my headcanon. I'd rather just think of the first two seasons as canon and then it splits into two different paths and the path in my mind probably stays closer to season 2. And if they ever do get romantically involved, the show wouldn't lose the charm that made it so special in the first place.

I feel sad for Mom getting so disappointed, especially since she was so excited when Dad presented season 4 as an anniversary present. But honestly, if she wants a good show with a married team of crime-solvers, Hart to Hart is way better at handling that angle (most of the time). She loves that show too. I wish I could have found out things about season 4 of Scarecrow beforehand, like Amanda not being in her own show much after the wedding. There weren't user reviews of those episodes on IMDB, I don't think. Maybe I should have read the reviews on season 4 on Amazon, if there were any. Maybe they wouldn't have helped, but maybe they would have. Mom might have still wanted to see 4 anyway, but at least if we could have been prepared for those lame twists, it wouldn't have been such a let-down for her.

In lighter viewing news, I finally got hold of a copy of the third Pokemon movie from the library, as well as the later Lucario film. I loved them both and want to own them. I especially loved that Team Rocket really didn't do anything villainous in either film, they helped save Ash in the third film (and obviously just didn't want him dead, in spite of Jessie's excuse about why they saved him), and that Meowth saved Pikachu and didn't think once about stealing Mew in the Lucario film. He just seemed sad most of the time and like he wanted to go back to Jessie and James. And it was heartbreaking when he thought they were dead.

I never watch episodes in order if I can help it, and on the last time I was able to catch a couple of episodes, for some reason I decided I wanted to see the last Orange Islands episode and see how Johto was set up. I ended up supremely sad to think of that arc coming to an end. For some reason, the Orange Islands seems to be my favorite Pokemon season. Part of it is probably my love of the second movie. And Team Rocket (especially James) getting some chances to shine in episodes. But that's not all it is. For some reason, the whole area and the way the arc is set up fascinates me. I can't explain why, especially since I don't even like tropical locations that much. But it's my favorite, even above season 1 in some ways. (Although I still have those special season 1 episodes I love as major favorites too.) I'm glad I don't watch episodes in order so there's still a few Orange Islands episodes I haven't seen yet. I think, though, that for my next viewing session, I may want to settle in with Pokemon and Turtles episodes I already know I love, especially when it's been such a bummer day for the most part.

Yesterday I struggled with a scene in my multi-chapter fic for a long time and finally accepted that I needed to write my oneshot fic about the starfish Pokemon before posting any of the bigger fic. Some references just wouldn't make sense otherwise. I knew it wouldn't take long to write, and indeed, it was done in less than 90 minutes. I had a horrible time actually posting it, which was another frustration, but I finally got it up. Maybe later today I'll start posting the bigger fic.

I also worked some on the Turtles fic. I can write about the Pokemon characters, but I don't really click with them as I do the 87 Turtles crew, writing-wise, and it felt so good to get back to Baxter and Barney.

It's interesting how the two shows have some similar humor, though. Both are fond of breaking the fourth wall. Both are light and silly and usually have fairly happy endings.

YGO is really the deeper show between it and Pokemon, and it's certainly better on characterization, but it's interesting how Pokemon has the depth of real animals while YGO is just cards (except in certain circumstances, of course). I will always love YGO better, but I think Pokemon's lighter nature is more in line with how tired I am of dark things right now.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: It Came Upon the Midnight Clear---Josh Groban

Actually, after watching Scare in the Air, I'm back to not being so sure that my original story concept of Giovanni trying to kill James is so far-fetched. In that episode, unless the dialogue is different in Japanese, he sounds like he's deliberately sending Jessie, James, and Meowth out in a rickety blimp hoping they won't come back. Eeeek! Maybe I won't ever do anything with revising the story at all, especially if I keep flipping back and forth on that key angle. We'll see.

We had a very nice family outing. One of my nephews was getting baptized. (We believe in baptizing when the kids are old enough to decide for themselves, instead of doing it when they're babies.) He was really cute and very appreciative of the gift and card we had for him. He exclaimed "The letter is the best thing!" and was thrilled that the card's picture had a cat. They have two Russian Blue twins. I saw one of them and he said Meow when he was petted. I wanted to pet him, but by the time I finished eating, he had wandered somewhere in the yard and I couldn't find him. And my brother who owns the cats told us that they're always leaving "presents" by the door. He told a horror story of one time when one of them brought a mouse into the house that wasn't quite dead and they spent three weeks trying to find the thing and being all tense not wanting to take their shoes off with it running around. And then finally he heard the sound of it getting caught in the trap. Relief at last! I do feel sad for mice being caught in killing traps, but not so sad that I don't want to use them. It is horrible having them loose in the house!

They had these yummy big sandwiches with cheeeese, same as the last time we were out there, and I was delighted. They also had some kind of pasta salad that was great and some brownies and other desserts. And lemonade and ice water. I think it must have been powdered lemonade that's mixed up, because I like that but don't really like fresh lemonade because it's pulpy. Once everyone had their fill, I absconded with some leftovers. Good thing I did, as I got hungry before we got home and ate them all.

Another one of my brothers, the one who lives here in town, gave me $20 as a birthday present! Squeeee. That meant I could definitely get two figures! I had been waffling on whether I could, yet really wanting to because of the prices.

I got Chibi Moon, as planned, and then I saw Tuxedo Mask. He wasn't at the closer store. I hadn't planned to get him unless I already had Sailor Moon, but since he's the only male character in the line, he fascinated me. But I debated a long time between him and Pluto. I finally chose him, since I have a Pluto doll and since the Pluto figure is at the closer store. It seemed more logical to get ones I don't have closer access to. Not that I get to the local store much, but I may have another chance at it this month. Not sure, though. And my only other choices at that store we were at today would have been Mars, Super Sailor Moon, or Sailor V. Mars is my least favorite Senshi, so I'm not terribly enthusiastic about getting her ahead of other characters. I have Venus and don't feel the need for V as well, and as mentioned, I'd rather have the Sailor Moon release that comes with Luna. But I might end up getting Super Sailor Moon anyway, because of the price and because now I need to complete the Moon family!

Before we found that Barnes and Noble, there were sad times. We tried to go to a Toys R Us on the west side of the valley and couldn't find it. Finally things looked familiar to me and I saw where it had been. It's gone. The people in a local bookstore told us and then we saw the empty space. They're going to put up some stupid parking lot or something, I think they said. So that's two of my childhood Toys R Uses gone. I'd really be crushed if I still lived up there! It's sad enough just knowing they're gone. I was at that Toys R Us just last year, I think.

Then we couldn't find the Barnes and Noble because the address wasn't informative enough. We had to go ask some girls in a Metro PCS store and then backtrack, as we'd gone the wrong direction. But getting to the store was worth it, as recorded above.

And there was another reason it was worth it. There was a party store in that shopping center. Party stores always have tons of Halloween stuff, and cheaper than official Halloween stores. I went in and looked around. I found a lab coat! It was a little pricier than I wanted, but about the price I'd figured I'd have to pay for one. I couldn't find a wig, though. They were either an okay style but the wrong color or vice versa. But I was ecstatic to find the coat!

There's only one Toys R Us left in the valley now. Dad said we could go to it even though it would require a bit of backtracking. It was nice to see it, but sad too. It had a few things the closer one doesn't have, but overall, the product selection was either the same or worse than ours. And no Miraculous Ladybug dolls at all. It makes me remember my childhood and the three Toys R Uses in the valley and how nice it was to be able to have those different options to go to depending on where we were at the time. The one up East is probably the one I'm most deeply sentimental about, but I love them all. The one West is the one we went to a lot when I was watching YGO in first-run. We'd go get milk at a dairy out there every couple of weeks, drive through a local cemetery and get creeped out, and go to that Toys R Us. I think that was where I got my Team Rocket stickers (and failed to get the gift bag). The one remaining one, in the center yet farther South, is the one I probably got to visit the least, since it was the farthest away.

ShopKo is still across the street from it. So is a Halloween store. I tried the Halloween store for the wig and found the prices more frightening than anything in the store. The wigs that the party store had had too were double the cost in the Halloween store! There were also wigs unique to the Halloween store that were even more expensive. Then I tried ShopKo ... and I found something. It's blond, but it's wild, and a better option than anything else I've turned up. Best of all, they were running a weekend sale and it was 65% off! Plus I had my coupon and was allowed to take off an extra 20%! I got a $25 wig for $6.99! You can't beat that! And with the original price, one hopes it's a good wig. Most people see Baxter with blond hair anyway. It's not fluffy, unfortunately, but I'm not sure they even make fluffy wild wigs.

So now I'm all set! I can play Baxter after all! **dances.**

Then we drove mostly home, stopped to get some vegenaise (vegan mayonnaise) at a health store and picked up a free popcorn sample they have on Saturdays. Yuuum. I only got three and a half hours of sleep and thought sure I'd crash for a nap, but instead I've been wide awake. I'm wearing down now, though, I think, and I want to save the deboxing of figures until I've slept.

But yes, a great day and a great outing! I probably spent a little more than I should have, but that gift money sure helped!

Current Mood: excited

So the DVD set arrived on time and it looks awesome! I think it's going to be hard not to open it and dig out some of my favorite episodes to watch, like the St. Anne ones and Holy Matrimony! (LOL.) I remember some of the utter nonsense in Pokemon episodes and I suppose it's not unlike how one must suspend disbelief to enjoy TMNT 87. Specifically, I'm snerking remembering those ridiculous "invisibility" outfits from Holy Matrimony! Also, one of my favorite lines is from that episode, when James describes a marble home: "It was like a mausoleum with bedrooms and bathrooms!" ROTFLOL.

I'm still debating whether to get the dolls. I want them, yet I worry that getting them may cancel out something else later that maybe I'd want more, so I keep waffling. The other side of the coin is that it may be my only other chance to get Lyra and Sweetie Drops dolls, and I had wanted them a couple of years ago when the first dolls of them came out.

And I'm just not sure what to ask for, for my birthday. The only thing I've seen locally that I might consider asking for is the Orange Islands set, and yet I still hesitate for a couple of reasons. One, Dad never was crazy about Pokemon. It seemed like he disliked it even more than the Turtles. But he did cave and get me some of those videos when the Dollar Tree had them. But that was years ago and maybe he's forgotten that and he'd only remember his dislike of the show. But more importantly, Two, I hate to ask for anything because one of those big expenses was supposed to be paid this month. I'd feel like a heel to add another expense. Honestly, if it wasn't for knowing that Mom will feel really sad if there isn't something they can get for me, I probably wouldn't ask for anything and would just plan to buy it all myself. There will already be the gas money expense of the shopping spree and it seems awful to even think of another one.

I guess that's another part of the appeal of maybe getting the dolls, that they would probably show up in time for my birthday too and they could be another gift to myself. LOL. If I just can't think of anything to ask for, I'd like for there to be some kind of presents for the day. But I don't really have room for them and I don't want to pay more attention to them than to my Turtles figures, even though that is highly unlikely of happening. And I also don't want to pay less attention to them than I should. I dunno; I've been pretty happy for months just focusing on Turtles stuff and haven't really wanted much else after getting hold of all the Mega Construx figures I could. But when the dolls were something I wanted and there may not be another chance ... sigh.

This is usually how it always goes, with most of what I want either existing online only or being things that I wouldn't want to ask for because of awkwardness and would rather get for myself. My parents don't really do the online shopping bit very much, so the online only stuff is pretty much out unless Dad just gives me the money and I get it myself, which doesn't really have birthday magic to it. Usually I end up having to swallow my misgivings and ask for something I was hesitant to ask for. Usually that works out okay after all. But I worry about that big expense and not wanting to add another, even a small expense....

Current Mood: worried

Ugh, I sure made a bad decision on Friday to go out that morning. Because of that, it led to me not being able to go to a family event the next day. I had honestly planned to go, but I thought I needed to go to K-Mart on a different day because we'd be rushing so much to get to the event and I wouldn't have time to say a proper Goodbye. I honestly believed we'd be back in an hour and I could go to sleep. Instead, the tire blew and everything got thrown off and I was far too exhausted to be able to go the next day, even after the tire problem was solved. It's very upsetting, because I could have got to the Toys R Us I wanted to visit last week. And there was a wonderful meal I could have shared in. Of course, it would have been nice to see the family too, but since I'm not extremely close to those family members, my focus is more on the shopping and the food I missed out on, as shallow as that sounds.

I'm also wondering if I should have bought a doll at K-Mart. It's too late now, but I ponder on it. I like the webseries based on the first Descendants movie, Wicked World, and I idly considered getting some of the dolls. K-Mart still had Freddie when I got the snow cone maker. I like Freddie, especially her wanting to be good after having been bad, as that will never not fascinate me about a character, but she does creep me out a little because of her dark sense of humor. If the dolls had been Mal and Evie, I probably would have got them in a heartbeat because their friendship is one of my two favorite elements. (Repenting bad guys learning how to be good is the other.) Possibly if by some amazing chance I get another opportunity to go to the capitol city K-Mart before it's gone, they might still have the Freddie doll too and I'd get another chance to decide. But who knows, I might make the same decision. At this point, I'm just not sure. I hadn't even thought of getting her on Friday because I didn't think she'd still be there, and when she was, I was tired and couldn't figure out if I wanted to get her, even for $6.60. I'm trying very hard to balance my money right now because of needing to help with the groceries. Still, I hate to pass up a clearance deal that I would have wanted.

That brings me to another thing I'm wondering about. Hasbro is currently having some amazing Pony sales, or at least they still were last night. They have Fashion Style Starlight Glimmer for $6, and the Lyra and Sweetie Drops dolls from the Everfree movie for $7.49 each. I wanted Lyra and Sweetie Drops when they came out for Rainbow Rocks, but then they disappeared instead of going on clearance, sigh. (I hadn't wanted to pay full-price.) But ... I'm not sure I like the Everfree versions as much. I think both Lyras are great, but I really prefer the Rainbow Rocks Sweetie Drops. However, since those are out of print, I probably wouldn't even be able to find them for very cheap. So I'm debating if I want them enough to order them now, even as Everfree versions. Also debating if I'd rather just get Starlight. Hasbro only does free shipping for $14.99 and up, at least on their eBay store, but the shipping for just Starlight is only $1.99, so that's still an amazing deal for a Fashion Style.

It is very difficult to debate the problem when I also have to think about the groceries. Especially this week, as Mom's been feeling sad to only get the barest minimum of stuff lately and she hardly ever gets to go out and food is probably one of the only things she gets to look forward to, so I think I need to try to make sure to get at least one special thing each week for her to enjoy. And there should definitely be something on a holiday, even if it's one we don't celebrate much anymore. I'm also hoping to get a pizza for myself (and I'd share it with Dad if he wants; Mom usually can't eat cheese). That is, a fancier pizza than we usually get. If not a Little Caesar's pizza, then at least a fancier frozen pizza than the $1 ones. I'm usually content with those, but I do often long for something that tastes more like delivery.

Current Mood: confused

Such a long day, beginning with evil insomnia rearing its head as it likes to do once or twice every month. I had a long day ahead of me and I'd be running on three hours' sleep.

Actually, the family reunion/picnic started out pretty fun. There was a breeze and we were under a pavilion. Everyone brought their own lunches, but some people had stuff to share, like Brazilian cheeseballs! Yuuuum! And my sister who was hosting the thing had brought food to share with everyone. I had a hot dog and chips and ice water and was thrilled. It became less fun when the heat increased as the afternoon wore on. Ugggh. And driving around in the heat wasn't much better. It was hard to breathe at times and I wanted to scream. I want fall. I love seeing some stores getting fall merchandise out, like Hobby Lobby and Joann's and Dollar Tree. Autumn is the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas season is right up there too, though.

I did get done what I needed to. I wrote after I finished eating. Then we went out and I bought the fabric markers for Vincent and took care of Mom's thing and found the other Turtles shirt at K-Mart, so this time I snapped it up. I also saw that the holey blue shirt is being sold, to which I went WTH. But the picture is nearly the same as what's on the America shirt, only smaller, so even if I find one that isn't holey, I doubt I'd buy it. (Then again, I might because of the beautiful blue color and the amusing text about how to be a ninja.)

K-Mart looks a lot barer now and it's sad. I even had a dream the other day about going back there to get the shirt. It looked pretty bare in the dream too. The more time goes on, the more it really sinks in that it's going away. For a long time now, it's had a strong scent of something ... lotiony? Soapy? I'm not sure what makes the scent, but it's very distinctive. And it will forever remind me of Baxter because last summer was when I really noticed it and that was when they briefly had that shirt with Fly Baxter and I was planning my first Turtles story, so I was thinking of Baxter while in the store both because of the fic and the shirt. This past day was likely the last time I will ever smell that scent or be in that K-Mart. At the end of the month, if things work out to visit the one in the capital city, it will likely be the last time I will ever be in a K-Mart at all. I will likely bring up the memories of being happy in K-Mart many times in my mind and they will forever be bittersweet.

(I am also going to forever mentally kick and snarl at myself for not buying a soft YGO pillow there many years ago when they were clearancing it. Mom tried to encourage me to get it, and I wanted it, but money was tight right then and I thought I wanted a Detective Conan DVD set more. Of course, as things go, interest in that series was brief and soon waned anyway, while love for YGO has always been strong.)

Waaah, K-Mart, don't go....

Back at home, the blue fabric marker covered all the parts that will actually be visible; I'm glad I realized it likely wouldn't last for coloring all of Vincent and so I should first color what had to be colored and then see if there was any ink left for the rest. I had contemplated buying two blue ones, but I hoped one would cover what I really needed and I could get the purple one too (instead of hoping to find my purple Sharpie and use it instead. I'm still hopping mad about it getting lost in the closet two years ago thanks to gravity being nasty). I hope I won't regret the coloring job. I kind of liked the inaccuracy of a Caucasian Vincent and how that color scheme worked with the clothes. But I always knew I really wanted to color Vincent if I found a good way to do it.

One thing that's complicated is the oddity of trying to get a laptop shape on this cloth doll's head. I pondered many times on how to do that, whether to get a toy laptop and try affixing it to a body I'd sew from scratch in blue cloth, or sew a cloth laptop, or other weird thoughts. But when I decided to use the existing doll for Vincent, that left me with trying to make the head look like a laptop. I didn't want to mutilate the head for fear of making a mess (and just plan feeling bad to do that to a doll), so I drew the screen and screen frame on it. The keyboard will be attached separately. Not exactly accurate to a laptop due to the head shape from all angles, of course; it may look more like a purple version of the desktop-ish model he has on the show. But that's okay. I wanted to use this doll for Vincent, no matter the weird complications.

Current Mood: exhausted

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Page generated Jun. 15th, 2025 05:23 pm

The Winter Court of the Insane, Philosophical Ladybug

We were so carefree then, our hearts were on a cloud ...

Entries tagged with family

Mandatory Check-In

Downs and ups.

...

WTH, G5?

Open houses and the Sonic connection?

Squeeee!

Squeeeee!

Hmm....

Uggggh.

Hmm....

A puzzlement.

Decisions....

So tired ...